Her, Me and We

Halloween..... and more :)

2011-11-01T19:38:00.005-06:00

Ava was lucky enough to go trick or treating with her cousins! I had to work so I missed all the fun :( I was really bummed, but it was fun to hear all about her trick or treating adventure this morning. Thanks Katie for taking on an extra hoodlum!

I may be a little biased but I think they are the cutest trick or treaters ever :) I knew my old cheerleading uniforms would come in handy one day.

In other news I got glasses today! Trying not to let it make me feel old, haha.

This song has been playing most of the day around here. Love it! Love the message. It's so true. Everyone has a "sign" but its the way we view our own trials that makes or breaks us. Life is good!

Beautiful People

2011-10-27T15:10:00.003-06:00

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I love this! I am so thankful for the many people who fill my life with their beauty everyday. I am made more aware of how much I rely on other people's strength and wisdom to get through life. And it's true, Beautiful people don't just happen. True beauty really does evolve over time!

Sunday Thought........

2011-10-23T13:51:00.003-06:00

I always wonder what touches and helps other people grow their testimony. This is something that has brought me comfort this week. So thankful for loving prophets who can guide and direct us.

"All of us have problems. We face them every day. How grateful I am that we have difficult things to wrestle with. They keep us young, if that is possible. They keep us alive. They keep us going. They keep us humble. They pull us down to our knees to ask God of heaven for help in solving them Be grateful for your problems, and know that somehow there will come a solutions"
"Just do the best you can, be sure it is the very best. Then leave it in the hands of the Lord"
- Gordon B Hinkley

The young women in my ward sang this song in sacrament meeting today. I loved it! Enjoy :)

Where's Waldo

2011-10-22T22:15:00.003-06:00

My ward does a young women and young men combined activity every year called Where's waldo. Basically they ask people from the ward to go in disguise to the gateway. Sharon, Ava and I got to go this year. It was actually pretty fun. Ava could have been an obvious give away because she didn't keep the blond wig on very long, but even with her tagging along only 2 groups found us.

A glimpse at my reality.....

2011-10-21T19:23:00.003-06:00

Single Mom. I am growing to hate the term. Yes, I am a single mom, but lately I feel like we should replace that title with a much more telling one. Double parent. See, doesn't it make sense? I am both parents. I am the one who makes the decisions around here. The one who worries endlessly about how I am EVER going to make it all work out perfectly in the end. ME. Just me.
Yes, I do know that there are sooooooo many people who help and shoulder part of the worrying. But really, at the end of the day, I am all alone during the sleepless nights.
I feel like usually I do all right with everything. BUT, there are times in this single mother craziness where I am made very aware that I am truly alone. When these moments hit I feel over come with paralyzing fear. Ya know, tight chest, can't breathe kind of fear. I hate it. I don't like feeling that scared. I don't like being forced to think of all the things that could go wrong and shake my world to its very core. I don't like feeling so vulnerable. I am supposed to be the tough, strong woman who gets the job done. Not scared.
I am in the middle of one of those times. I am standing in the refiners fire so to speak. And I am feeling the heat in a major way. Here's the problem. I work at a residential treatment center for teens. I love my job. I have felt blessed this past year to work at a job that not only pays the bills but full fills me as a person. For the first year I worked swing shift (2:30 - 11). It worked well when Ava was in kindergarten because I could spend the morning with her, take her to school then head to work. All summer I prayed for getting moved to the day shift (6:30-3) or to find a new job. A week before school started I was moved to day shift. It really felt miraculous at the time with all the shifting of employees that took place to make it possible. For about 6 weeks my life felt pretty perfect. BUT. A few weeks ago more changes were made at my place of work and as of last Sunday I am back to swing shift. This means that during the week I only get to see Ava for a little over an hour.
Its breaking my heart. Every time I really think about it my chest gets tight, breathing becomes difficult and it takes all the discipline I have not to cry. It sucks to just have to work full time and rely on so many others to do the one job that my heart is aching to do, but when I only get one hour of it, I don't know how to survive. I am looking for a job, and I know that everything will work at as it should in the end. BUT, it is the getting there that is tough. I don't want to have to go through the hard part.
I know that it in the end my life will be blessed for it and I will be a stronger woman, but doing the work is hard. I wish I had someone to hold my hand and help me make decisions. I know that my Heavenly Father hears my prayers and knows what I need and what I am feeling. I worry that he may get tired of my begging for a light at the end of the tunnel. My begging for an end to the "double parenting". I know He has a plan and that right now my job is to do everything in my power to meet my needs and that He will do the rest. I know He is watching out for me and standing beside me every second. It is times like now that I am most grateful to know that I am daughter of God. He wants me to be happy, but He also wants me to be all that He created me to be. I also know that there was a time when I felt confident enough in my ability to go through these "hard" things and to pass a test made specifically for me. I CAN to this. Right?
It is times like now that I am grateful for words of comfort from living prophets and from prophets of old that speak to me through the scriptures. I am grateful for the Book of Mormon. It really does provide comfort and peace in times of trial and in times of happiness. It is during times like these I have learned to take joy in the small things. In the small moments that I do have with Ava. Even if it is just the kiss on her cheek when I lay her in bed. Every night after I lay her down I whisper in her ear I love you. I pray that in the following weeks when I am not with her as much that she really does now that I love her. I love her more than I could ever adequately express through words. It is that love that makes times like these worth it.

Nightmare on 13th......

2011-10-19T19:26:00.004-06:00

Went to Nightmare on 13th last weekend....... That's all for now, everything else right now just feels to "heavy" to talk about. So, I am just focusing on the happy things!

If you sweat the small stuff, you might miss the big picture.....

2011-10-04T22:00:00.002-06:00

Katie and I went to the temple together this morning. I was so happy that she could arrange her schedule to come with me! We made plans to meet in the chaple for the 9:30 session. As I was walking into the temple I had a memory of putting on a black bra this morning. I quickly checked to verify and sure enough, black bra. I panicked for a minute, knowing that I could only wear white in the temple. I didn't want to not show up after Katie had to arrange sitters for her two youngest and beside that I REALLY felt the need to be in the Temple today. So, I decided to just buck up and go with out. I rented an extra slip and got a "baggier" temple dress at the recommendation of the cute lady working this morning. It actually wasn't too obvious, but definitely awkward. We had a few chuckles over my situation through out the session, but it ended up being a really great morning.

As I was thinking about this tonight I realized that it was just one of those times where getting worried and stressing about something really small could have kept me from something important. I spent a little over 2 hours in a public place that highly values modesty with out a bra on, and probably not one person noticed. Its a small thing that I could have let keep me from something I really really needed. And besides that one day when Katie and I are little old ladies we will laugh about it. How could I deny us of another story to laugh our guts out about?

Moral of the story: if you spend too much time sweating the small stuff, you might miss the big picture. Life is too short not to find something to smile about and make you stronger everyday!

30 flirty and thriving!

2011-09-13T18:36:00.018-06:00

I have had a lot of mixed emotions about turning 30. But as people keep asking me how it feels to be 30, the answer would be, AWESOME. I am happy, and while there are definitely things I would change about my life, I am working on it. And that feels pretty good :) Honestly it was one of the best birthday's I have EVER had, hands down. Big THANK YOU to my sister Katie for making one of my "dreams" come true. Here is what we did with a little background first:

I have a blog that I LOVE to read. I just feel like being a better person after reading it. It's called Joy for you Journey. About a year ago I read on this blog about spending a 4oth birthday doing 40 acts of service. I loved this idea! I mentioned it to Katie and she remembered and we did it for my birthday. Best day ever! We had so much fun! Here is what we did:
Katie started with helping me dress in my birthday attire:
complete with a button that said "it's my birthday wanna spank me" and Katie made sure plenty of people gave me a good spanking :)

Here is the crew that went:

Started with each of us writing a letter of appreciations to someone.
Then we made a little note with a treat to leave for the mail man:
Next we each wrote a letter of appreciation to someone. That was kind of a tough one cause I suck at card writing. After that we took sodas to all the girls who work at 39th Street Salon. Our friend Torey owns it and it is her I have to thank for turning me back into a "natural blond" every few months ;) Katie made sure she had the opportunity to "spank" me. Torey got out her brush and gave me a good paddle, haha.

After the salon we took cupcakes to two people:

Then we headed to Smith's where we bought 10 balloons and handed them out to kids. That part was really fun!

Then we headed to Costco. We got 4 take and bake pizza's and 3 bouquets of flowers. What's more fun than giving a complete stranger a bouquet of flowers? Before we left we taped envelopes on the vending machines that had $1 in change with a message that said " Hi, I'm Julie. Its my 30th Birthday and I wanted you to have a treat on me". On our way back to the car we helped people put away their groceries and shopping carts. Everyone seemed so surprised that I would be doing something for them on my Birthday. It was so much fun!

On our way to lunch at Kneaders we stopped with cold drinks for a work crew. Katie was almost brave enough to ask them if they wanted to spank me, but thankfully she didn't! I even got a sparkler in my cupcake!
Later that night a few of my friends came to dinner at Ruth's Diner. Love, love, love that place! Such yummy food and outside seating at the summer is awesome!

Wish I would have got a group picture from dinner! Over all, I don't think 30 will be too tough. I actually think it's going to be a darn good year! Bring it on :)

Saturday is the big day......

2011-06-09T21:52:00.004-06:00

The first time I decided I wanted to run a half marathon was in 2009, but I wimped out. It got hard and I didn't push myself. The second time I thought I would do it was with Katie last October, and I gave up again. My hips hurt so bad for days after I would run and I let that keep me from doing it. Finally this year I asked Katie if she would do it with and FINALLY on Saturday I will accomplish a goal a long time in the making.

It has been an interesting 16 weeks of training. There were many mornings I did not want to get out of bed and drag Ava to the gym so that I could run. I wanted to stay in my warm bed and sleep. BUT I didn't (well, sometimes I did) and gradually running wasn't so bad. I have actually grown to love it in my own way. I think because my intentions were different this time. I wanted a goal that would help me be stronger, mentally and physically. Katie found this quote when researching a training schedule for us and I thought it summed it up perfectly.

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired." George S. Patton, US Army General, 1912 Olympian.

When we started running I also didn't know that I would soon face some of my most challenging times. It has been an interesting few months, and running has helped me sort through a ton of emotions and thoughts. It has given me time to reflect on what is important to me. It has given me time to myself and time to just feel my emotions. I could run because I was happy, angry or sad. I hate crying in front of people and I have shed a few tears on the trail where we run, because it was a place I could go and just be in my own head for an hour.

Running has also given me time with my sister. We start out together but after a few miles I can't see Katie any more, but I know that she is there, and that she will clap for me when she passes me on the way back. Having her with me on our "long" runs has given me the drive to go the distance.

Saturday Katie and I will run a half marathon in Bear Lake. I can't believe the day is here all ready. I am really excited and nervous, but I know I can do it. It might be hard and there will definitely be moments when I want to stop, but I won't. My goals for Saturday are to finish, run/jog the whole 13 miles, and SMILE :)

Kindergarten Graduation

2011-06-04T22:07:00.003-06:00

Would I sound like a broken record if I said I can't believe school is out? Cause really I am wondering where the last 9 months have gone. Or for that matter where the last six and half years have gone. When I first started this whole single Mom thing I would tell myself "just make it to Kindergarten and then things will get easier." All I can do is laugh about that one. I guess it just goes to show that things never happen the way we imagine them cause the last 9 months have been some of the toughest I have had.
Ava has done an amazing job in Kindergarten. She has made friends and also experienced what it is like to have an "enemy" or as Ava has title her, a worst nightmare. It has been interesting for both of us. There was one girl in class that Ava just clashed with. Most likely because they have pretty similar personalities. There were many days when I just didn't even know how to approach the situation and I am sure her teacher did too! But everyone survived. Ms. McGary had Ava and Amarri do a poem together at the graduation, and they did great! I found it hard as a Mom to always encourage her to try and do the right thing, but I did my best :)
Ava's personality is blossoming everyday and I love to watch it happen. Sharon mentioned on her blog that a few years ago at Ava's preschool graduation she wouldn't sing or participate at all, but at her graduation on Wednesday she was all action. She sang so loud and danced crazy when she sang tootie tot. Funniest part of the graduation was that one of the boys in her class would not do the tootie tot dance and stood the stage with his arms folded looking at everyone like they were looney. It was awesome!
I can admit that I did feel a little teary eyed, but as usual I stuffed it down. I am excited to see the changes that happen for Ava in first grad, but feel sad that my baby is growing up. I try and cherish all the moments I can with her because what if this is the only time I get to do this? I want to just freeze time so that I can remember everything perfectly the way she is right now. I hate that I have missed so much, but cherish more than words I can say the moments I do get. Motherhood is definitely bittersweet.
Good job Ava, I am so proud of you!

What I think about while running......

2011-03-29T20:25:00.002-06:00

This year I wanted my goals to center around self discipline and mind over matter. Basically I wanted to do something that would help me realize my strength and my ability to do things that are personally hard for me. I want to overcome some of my weaknesses in a way that is visible to me and will improve my self worth. One of those goals is to run a half marathon. The big day is June 4th. So, obviously I am having to make preparations.
Katie is taking on this task with me (it is her second time, and she is way faster than me so I will be running alone, but it will be comforting to know she is just a little ahead of me). We have been going to the rec center a few mornings a week for our "short" runs. I love to get a treadmill on the third floor because I can see the temple while I run. For some reason I just like to be able to look at it. It just brings me comfort.
A few weeks ago I got on the treadmill and looked up to see and I couldn't see it. It had snowed the night before and the temple was blending in with the snow covered mountains. Once I had found it I started to think about how this experience was a perfect example of what happens in life sometimes. There have been times in my life where I lose focus. Times when it seems easier to focus on things that I want right now and don't have. Times were I can't see the "big picture". Times when I forget about what should be the most important focus in my life. Times when I forget to set my focus on the temple. I thought about how I don't want to ever go through a time in my life that includes not having my path lead to the temple. Why? Because I know, without a doubt, that the most important thing I can do on this earth is be worthy of the blessings that come from the temple. The most important thing for me is to be worthy and ready when the time comes for me to take Ava there and become an eternal family. I don't know when the way for that will be prepared, but I do know that if I do everything I need to do to be worthy, the day WILL come. The hard part is accepting that it is not on my time, it is on the Lords time. That is the hard part. I need to have patience and faith.
Today when I was running outside on the trail, I looked over and saw the temple and the most amazing feeling of peace of comfort washed over me. Peace to know that I will be all right. Ava will be all right. My family and the people I love the most in this world will be all right. Everything will be all right, but I just have to let go and let God do things in his way. Even more importantly I have to have faith that He will make everything all right. And I know He will, because His plan is perfect.

Adversity.....

2011-03-28T07:22:00.002-06:00

This quote has been on my mind a lot lately. It if from one of my most favorite books, Memoirs of a Geisha, and is probably the reason why that book is a favorite. The author sums up adversity perfectly, at least for me.

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
-- Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

It seems like every time I am going through some thing sad, heartbreaking, or just plain "hard" this quote comes into my mind, and while I am going through each particular trial I discover something that cannot be torn away from me. Right now I am learning that the love I have for my family is one of those things that cannot be torn from me. I love my parents, my sisters, my Ava, my niece and nephews no matter what. The best thing my parents ever gave me are my two sisters. They are my sunlight, and I don't think I could do life without them.

Its that time again.....

2011-03-23T22:38:00.003-06:00

Ava had her first soccer game tonight. She jumped right back in and got 3 goals tonight. It is so fun to go watch her and see her get better every game!

Pierced Ears.....

2011-03-16T21:47:00.006-06:00

We drove to Arizona to visit my Mom for the week and the first thing Ava wanted to do was get her ears pierced. My Mom was a good sport and took us right to the mall to get it done. Ava was pretty scared when we got there, but I told her before we left that once we were at the mall there would be no turning back. She did great! I was worried that she would scream bloody murder, but she didn't and only cried a little. Once it was done and the stinging had died down she was one happy girl.

Signing all the paper work. Starting to get nervous.....
Holding onto Mom's hands really tight. She was shaking so bad!
The first one is done!
She was a little more calm for the second one, but still pretty worried

All done....

I promise she was smiling after she was done crying :)

Just a few more from October

2011-02-01T10:27:00.006-07:00

I finally got around to uploading the pictures from my camera last night and found a few cute ones from Ocotober. We hiked up to donut falls and had a great time! The kids loved exploring and eating a picnic after.

Ava was also VIP in October. She made her poster all by herself and did a cute job. She was so excited to have the spot light for the whole week. I had to work so I wasn't able to go to her class, but Katie was sweet enough to fill in for me. She did a great job! Here is what Ava wanted her class to know about her:

Favorite color: Blue and Pink
Favorite food: Corn on the cob and watermelon
Favorite cartoon: Curious George
Favorite Movie: Father of the Bride 2
Ava's Favorite things to do are: play with her cousins, dance, play dolls, ride her bike and her scooter and reading books. Ava loves to do art and is very good at it. She likes to help her Mom make sugar cookies. She loves being in Kindergarten and making new friends.

Yes, I am still alive :)

2011-01-30T15:44:00.016-07:00

I have been a very neglectful blogger for the last four months! Sorry to all my faithful followers. I am going to try and catch you all up on all the excitement we have had as of late:)

Starting with October......

Halloween was different for us this year. I work the 2:30 - 11:00 PM shift so I wasn't able to take Ava trick or treating. I was really bummed out about missing all the excitement until the big day arrived and it rained the whole two hours the kids were out. Thanks to my AMAZING bro in law who let Ava tag along for some cold, wet, fun. We had quite the dilemma with costumes for Ava this year. Her first costume pick was a Vampires, but my nephew Cooper wanted to be a Vampire and wouldn't hear of having a girl with the same costume. So, we compromised and Ava was a Vampires for our church party and lady bug for trick or treating. Sharon got some great shots of Ava in her Vampires costume. It was so funny to see her demeanor change when she got her costume and make up on. It was quite different than the usual princess routine, but still so much fun to get her all dressed up.

Sharon was sweet enough to watch Ava for a few hours on the day before Halloween (which was trick or treat day due to the 31st being a Sunday) so Ava got to see the twin in their adorable lion costumes. She LOVES to hold the "babies". Here she is with Blake....
Doesn't Caden have the cutest grin?
Of course we did our traditional trip to Garden Village for a ride to a witch's house. The kids had a ton of fun!

Tyler and Kelsey also got married in October. I loved just being in the temple and was so thankful for the spirit I felt during their sealing. Kelsey was a beautiful bride and Ava couldn't get enough of her. She was so nice to give her lots of attention and include her in their special day. I am thankful for the example that their temple marriage was for Ava, and for me.

My sister Katie also ran a half marathon in October. She had the coolest idea and dedicated each of the thirteen miles to an influential woman in her life. I was honored to be picked for mile 10. If you're interested you can go here and read what she wrote about me. It just worked out that we picked a spot between mile 9 and 10 to cheer for Katie as she ran by. I had to choke back tears when she ran by us. I was so proud of her for accomplishing something as daunting as running for 13.1 miles straight. Katie has always been an amazing example to me of setting a goal and sticking with it to the end. I am excited that we have made a goal to run the Provo half marathon together in June. It is going to be quite an adventure!

And last but not least, my nephew Cannon turned one in October. I can't believe is all ready one! I can't even explain how much I love this little guy. My favorite memory of him is of him trying to get my attention so he could give me a kiss. He finally got impatient and put a hand on each cheek, turned my head to face him, and laid a slobbery kiss right on me. It was too cute!

Superwoman

2010-10-06T16:06:00.000-06:00

I am loving this song lately! So, here's to all the "Superwomen" in my life, thanks for inspiring me in so many ways :)

So excited......

2010-09-30T22:38:00.002-06:00

To see this movie tomorrow! I have read 14 out of 15 books in the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. Loved them all and highly recommend them for kiddos :)

Blah!

2010-09-18T23:05:00.002-06:00

This was the week where the excitement wore off and the sadness took over.

I knew that going back to work would take it's toll on my little family and this was the week. Ava had a melt down everyday this week. I had a few meltdowns this week. It is so hard to remain calm when she repeatedly freaks out for what feels like nothing at all. I have had to constantly remind myself that all of this change is catching up with her. She has made the comment "I hate your job" several times and is just hurts me heart to hear it.

I know we will be fine. We will get in a routine and adjust. We will, because we have to. Change is constant and can't be avoided. This one is good, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

We will just have to remember to cherish the time we have together and the small things. This morning we lingered in bed and had the cutest talk. Ava told me all about her adventures yesterday. I am going to take that time and tuck it away in that special place in my heart. I can't believe how my love for Ava grows everyday. She is an amazing girl and I am lucky to be her Mom.

Here's to hoping for an easier week!

What's the lesson?

2010-09-11T21:04:00.003-06:00

First, I just want to say that I am LOVING my job. I am feeling like everything in that part of my life is coming full circle (at least for now) and it feels really good. Its like 3 years ago I didn't really know what I wanted out of the professional part of my life and then I went back to school, learned a ton about myself and the world around me, and made some career goals. Now, after the past 2 weeks at my job, it all feels right.
The day of my graduation I wanted to arrive in plenty of time for my family to have good seats and to make sure I was where I needed to be etc,. Well, I was in time to see the end of the graduation before mine. I was standing in the back feeling an array of emotions, but when that graduating class stood up and everyone clapped I was overwhelmed with the most peaceful warm feeling and in that moment I knew that all was good. That I had done the right thing at the right time in my life, and that it was good. But that it was time to move on and that the next step would work out too. It was overwhelming to feel the spirit that strong at such a big moment in my life. I have had a ton of anxiety over this transition but at the same time I have had an undescribable peace that everything would work out, and it has. Does it get any better than that?

Today I got to go of campus with the girls on my team. We went bouldering and rock climbing at this really cool place in Ogden called The Front. I had a great time! It was fun to get to know the girls on my team. The girls are in a pretty intense theraputic environment and are all working on an array of problems. There have been times the past two weeks where I have had to choke back tears as I see them struggle and hear some of their stories. Some of them have gone through things I can't even imagine facing as a teenager. I just want to hug them tight, but I can't and sometimes it hurts my heart not to be able to. I look forward to their graduation days so that I can actually hug them.
At the end of our day we gathered in a group and the rec staff that was with us today asked everyone to go around and talk about something they struggled with while climbing today that can be related to the problems they are working on in their personal lives. It was so interesting to hear their thoughts and points of view. I couldn't help but think that this is the exact thing I have been working on in my own life lately. What can I learn from my experiences and trials? WHAT IS THE LESSON I AM SUPPOSED TO LEARN?
That is the question I have been pondering lately. It is the question I am asking my Heavenly Father A LOT. What is the lesson? What am I supposed to be learning? More directly I want to know the answer to these questions in relation to being single. Why is it taking so long? Why does it feel so hard and so impossible? I try not to talk about it a ton, but in reality it is a really big challenge in my life. I am lonely and I hate that I am missing out on so many things I wanted out of life. But, I am thinking that if I can just learn the lessons that I am supposed to be learning then I will be ready when the time is right. I have learned tons about myself the last 5.5 years I have been walking in my single mom shoes. I think I just might have caught on to the biggest lesson I need to learn (and maybe all of us, just in different ways) is that I can't lose faith. I can't throw a fit and give up on believing and knowing that when the time is right I will be blessed. I have to have FAITH. It sounds so simple, but yet sometimes it is so hard. I had a really big "thing" happen in my life last week, and there was a moment when the thought crossed my mind to just give up and lose my faith BUT I am not going to do it! I am going to prove that I can endure this trial until the Lord decides I have passed the test.

Savannah's Baptism

2010-09-10T07:57:00.004-06:00

Last Saturday my niece Savannah got baptized. It was such a special day! She looked beautiful in her white dress and I loved seeing how happy she was. She is a special girl and I love being her Auntie :)

My new job, more of the first day and soccer!

2010-09-08T22:20:00.006-06:00

This is going to be the catch up blog!

I GOT A JOB!!! That is the big news around here that I have failed to mention. I got a job at Island View. It's residential treatment center for teens. I am a milieu manager, which basically means I supervise troubled teens all day. I started last week and I am really liking it so far. There are definitely going to be some interesting experiences in store for me! It has been a bittersweet transition for me. I am excited to be working, especially at a job that I wanted, but sad at the same time to be done with the flexibility of a school schedule and of course I miss Ava. I was so sad that I didn't get to pick her up from the first day of school, but happy that I at least got to take her. I am going to be working from 2:30-11 PM. I is a different schedule but with Ava being in afternoon kindergarten so it will give me more time overall at home with her and I get to volunteer in her class on Monday before I have to leave for work. I am going to miss bedtime, but all in all this schedule will give me more time with Ava so I am good with it.

Here are some pictures of Ava when I dropped her off for her first day. Her teacher is Ms. McGary and she is loving school so far.

We started soccer again. Ava is bright lime green this year and her teams name is The Tinkerbell's. She is loving it and doesn't hesitate to tell her coach that she is the best on the team after she scores every goal. Apparently we need to have a family home evening lesson on humility :)

Much to Celebrate.....

2010-09-07T21:32:00.000-06:00

My birthday was great this year! I can't believe it is my last year as a 20 something, but I am trying not to dwell on it because 30 is the new 20 right?

Friday night Katie, Carly and Anna took me to dinner at Typhoon and then we did some shopping. It was a super fun night, but then again I never complain about a night out with the girls :)

Thursday night was Sharon and Brad took us to dinner at Ruth's Diner. Nathan, Emily, Caden and Blake came too! It was so fun to see them all :) I can't believe how big the twins are getting. Ava had a little fun with my camera taking pictures of herself and us while we waited for our table.

Thanks to everyone who made my day special!

Going Private

2010-09-03T20:01:00.002-06:00

I am going to making my blog private. So, if you want to be an approved reader leave your email address as a comment and I will add you to the list. My comments don't automatically publish so your email address will remain private. I am going to go private on Tuesday, so let me know by then :)

Ava's First Day

2010-09-01T00:21:00.002-06:00

Here are a few pictures of Ava's first day of school. She looked so adorable and was so excited! She wanted aunt Katie to curl her hair, so thank you to Katie for helping with that. I took a few more at the school, but my camera is down in the car and I am too tired to go get it, but I at least wanted to get a few pictures up. Life is moving pretty fast around here and I WILL make time to fill you all in ;) But for now..... here is my beautiful baby.

Its been a pretty good year

2010-08-26T21:57:00.013-06:00

Here are some highlights in no particular order

No Training Wheels!

2010-08-25T08:24:00.004-06:00

One of the things I wanted to accomplish this summer was to teach Ava to ride her bike without training wheels. Well, no minute like the last one, right? She caught on so fast! I only had to run behind her from half way down the street and she was off on her own. The smile on her face was so cute. She was so proud of herself and after seeing her excitement made me wish that I had taught her way earlier.

Little Miss Social....

2010-08-24T13:57:00.002-06:00

If you have ever met Ava you know that she is quite the conversationalist. In fact Katie's neighbor told me that Ava talks like a 15 year old. She is rarely shy and seems to make friends every where we go. Way back in early May Sharon, Ava and I went shopping cause I wanted something new to wear for my graduation. Well, Ava was a good sport for awhile but was tiring out before I was having any luck. She made this new friend while at Nordstrom. Sharon discretely took a picture of those two deep in conversation. The guy was color blind and was explaining to Ava all about it. So she would point to something and ask him what color it was and so forth. So funny! We even gave his wife our opinion the jeans she was trying on. Gotta love Ava! She definitely keeps life interesting :)

Complete Rambling.....

2010-08-17T21:42:00.004-06:00

This might be one of those posts that rambles on, and on, but hopefully I will make a point somewhere. I just feel the need to get stuff off my chest and maybe get some words of wisdom. The last few months have been so happy but yet so hard for me at the same time. I feel like I am learning things about myself that I have never known before.

You know those times in your life when everything is changing all at once and there is nothing you can really do about it. You just have to ride the wave, control what small things you can and just make it work. That is how I feel, except that instead doing anything about it I have just been hiding out and avoiding reality. And that just makes it all suck so much more. It is one of my worst character traits. When things start happening, I get scared and hide for awhile until I have sorted it all out and somehow find the courage to pull myself up by the boot straps and make something happen. I know that I can do hard things. I have done them over and over again. But every time a new one comes along I have to fight the urge to run and hide. I have been hiding for way too long.

I am so glad to be done with school. But for the past 8 months I have been so terrified of what the next step means. I am feeling less than confidant about my "job skills" for no good reason. I am a good worker. I can do anything I set my mind to if I want it bad enough, but for some reason I am having trouble realizing my own potential lately. I am happy to say though that I did have a job interview last week and it went really well. I have a second interview Friday. I really really want this job. For a TON of reasons. I promise to post any news on whether I get the job or not as soon as I know anything.

As far as my social life? Well, it's been hard too. Adam and I decided weeks ago that things just weren't working out as great as we would like them to be. Both of us for different reasons. We decided to date other people and keep dating each other as well and see how things go. It has been bugging the crap out of me because I just can't decide how I feel. I have never felt so freakin wishy washy or confused in my life. But I am thinking the confusion is a bad sign. I don't know, any advice on that one? I have never been scarred when I have thought about getting married before until just the last 6 or so months and all of a sudden its like this really scary thing. I just keep thinking of all the ways life will change (for me and for Ava) and I don't know if I am up for it. It is going to be hard work, even with the right person, but eventually I know I have to do it. Does this means I am finally ready for it, or does it mean I am digressing? Wish I had the answers for that one.

But through all of this confusion and fog I am finally feeling like I am in the right place to finally date with a purpose. You know, like go out and give guys a chance and not run at the smallest mistake. I also feel more ready than ever to let people get to know the "real" me. It has been way more fun to go out with people and just be me. So much more fun! And way less stresful. Even though I feel confused about so much of my life, I am feeling less and less confused about who I am. How does that make sense?

So, if you were wondering why things have been so silent around here, its cause I have been living on fantasy island and trying to avoid reality. All that being said, I am finally ready to make something happen. The good news is, is that I know good things are coming. I just know. I can feel it. Life is good, especially if we let it be :)

My sister....

2010-08-08T11:40:00.003-06:00

I was going through one of my boxes of pictures today looking for something to use in my Sunday school class and came across this card Katie sent me her first year away......
I read it and laughed at what was going on in both of our lives 14 long years ago. My sister had a boyfriend names Chris who was so freakin tall and didn't like rap music. We should have known it would never work out when he couldn't get down to Ton Loc with us, Ha! Reading this made me realize that Katie has always loved me and cared about me, even was dumb 14 year old and she was off on her own adventures. In that card she told me that just like the girls on the this card she would stand by me and hold my hand no matter what. I didn't know just how true that statement was all those years ago, but today I realized that she has kept her word. She may never hesitate to tell me what she thinks, and we may fight it out sometimes like sisters do, but she has always been there to stand by me and hold me hand, even when she wondered if I would ever get my crap together. I love her for that. That is what being a friend and a sister is all about!

Good Summer Fun!

2010-08-02T20:04:00.007-06:00

This is what the kids did today..... at least for as long as Luka could have his boot off (poor little dude broke his leg last week). Best $10.50 I have spent in awhile :)

Are they not just the cutest? I loved watching them have so much fun! And, look who started walking today. We had so much fun cheering him on and seeing how proud he was of himself. I sure do love being an aunt :)

Sundance

2010-07-29T11:27:00.002-06:00

Tuesday night Adam and drove to Sundance and did the moonlight lift ride. It was a pretty fun date! It was cloudy so there was no moonlight, it sprinkled on us a little and there was tons of lightning. Good times ;)

In one short month....

2010-07-24T12:12:00.007-06:00

Can you believe that my baby is going to start Kindergarten in just one month? Neither can I, and even worse is that she will be turning SIX in November. Where has the time gone? I have a lot of mixed emotions about my girl starting school, and I am sure that all of you mothers who have gone through this can relate. I know she is ready and that she is going to be a super student and have the best time at school, but I don't feel ready to just send her out into the world yet. But, I guess it must be done.
Here are some things that I want to remember about Ava at this age:

She always wants to be doing something. Every morning she wakes up and asks me what we are going to do.

She loves to play with her cousins and her friend Cassidy. I took these cute girls to see Ramona and Beezus. It was a great movie, highly recommend it.
She is really good at writing all her letters and has a lot of words memorized. I spend a lot of time telling her how to spell things. Lately she has been taking pictures off of the poster we made of her for preschool and pasting them in cards for people. So cute!

She loves to wear my high heels when she plays. I remember doing this with my Mom's shoes, so it is fun to see her do it, even though I am scared she is going to fall and get hurt :)
She always has to put her dolls to sleep before she can go to sleep. Cute and annoying (?) at the same time :)

After spending a week in Corcoran with her Grandma and Grandpa she is finally brave enough to try some moves in the pool with a life jacket. This is a huge improvement. Last year was like pulling teeth to get her in the water for swim lessons.

She loves babies and is so cute with them. She tries to carry around Cannon but he is half her size, so it stresses me out!

She still loves cuddles from her Mom and loves to cuddle on the couch in the mornings and watch cartoons. I am really going to miss this one :(

She still asks me about a million questions everyday :) I hope her teacher is good with questions, and has LOTS of patience

The last two Wednesdays....

2010-07-09T20:56:00.011-06:00

Katie and I have decided to take our kids some place fun every Wednesday. This week we went to the fountains at the Gateway. The kids had a great time.

Then last Wednesday Katie and I just went to the park with the kids cause the weather was "interesting". She dropped me off at home to grab a few things and then I was going to spend the rest of the afternoon at her place. I needed to make some cookies for my ward BBQ that night so I was just going to grab the cookie dough and head out. I had all the stuff I was going to need in my arms and as I was walking out the door I thought to stop and grab a container to put the cookies in. I put everything down, grabbed a container, loaded my arms again and headed out. As I was setting everything in the front seat of my car I heard the scariest sound. It sounded almost like a trailer had come unhitched or something, but I knew that whatever had happened was not going to be good. I grabbed my phone and half ran up the hill. Upon reaching the corner I discovered that Yukon had cut across traffic, plowed through the chain link fence of my neighbors fence and hit the tree in the front yard head on. The driver was young high school aged boy, and had gotten out and was sitting on the grass. I immediately dialed 911 to get some help. The driver seemed to be all right but as I am sure you can imagine very shaken up and in shock. Turns out that he had been working out and had blacked out for while driving. I talked to him later that night and he said that he came to just as he was crashing through the fence. After emergency help had arrived I went to my car and leave. As I sat down in my car the thought came to me that if I hadn't stopped to grab that container, I would have been in the intersection and been hit. It was just a matter of seconds that I was not right in his path. There were many small miracles that happened surrounding this incident. I am thankful that all involved were being watched over.
This is where he went in. I still can't believe he didn't hit the power pole on the corner. Probably missed it by inches. When the car went through the fence one of the poles went through the windshield. Luckily it went through on the passenger side and that there were no passengers in the car. I don't know how the car made it over the drop in this part of the yard. It seems almost impossible when you look at it.

I need to catch up!

2010-07-05T22:31:00.003-06:00

There have been tons of fun and exciting things going lately and I have done a terrible job of keeping up with everything. The goal for this week (and maybe some of next) is to catch up. So, today the short version on what's new around here.

My mom came for a nice long visit. It was so great to have Grammy and Becca here. We always look forward to every minute we get to spend with them. We did tons of fun stuff and of course lots of the usual laughter and craziness :)

Adam, Ava and I went up to my Dad's on Friday for a BBQ and to watch the Logan fireworks. Didn't take one picture, dang. But we had a great time! It was about time that Adam meet some more of the family. It was a super fun night! I don't get up to my Dad's nearly enough.

I got released from my church calling two Sunday's ago. I have been in YW for 5 years so I have some mixed emotions about this change. My first thought was that I don't know how to do anything but be in YW, but then again maybe it will be good to broaden my horizons a little. I taught my last lesson on Sunday. It was bittersweet. I have come to love those girls so much and will miss seeing them and teaching them, but mostly I will miss the ways in which they strengthen me and make me better. My new calling is teaching Sunday school to the 12 and 13 year olds. I am so happy that I still get to teach and even more happy that my new calling was not in primary or even better not in the nursery :)

I get to speak in sacrament meeting on Sunday. I haven't done this since I was a teenager. Ya, I know, its probably time. Should be an interesting experience for sure. I get to speak on Elaine S. Daltons conference talk in 2008 titled A Return to Virtue. Bro. Savage said my name came right to mind when he came across the talk and that he thought I would have great insight on the topic. Okie Dokie then. I can only hope that I will be guided and directed as I prepare and speak.

Ava is taking a somewhat spur of the moment trip to California on Saturday. She will be spending the week in Corcoran with her Grandparents. She will have a great time I am sure, but I am feeling a little sad about her leaving :( But I am sure I will find plenty of stuff to fill up the free time with.

I have been reading a TON lately. I read a whole book in the last 24 hours. I am loving this. There is nothing like getting caught up in a great story. I have some suggestions if you are looking for a good read:

The Maze Runner by James Dashner. Loved this book! It is the first in a trilogy and I can't wait for the second book to come out in December
Unwind by Neal Shusterman. This was somewhat different than anything I have read before, but I liked it.
Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. These books are geared toward a younger audience but my attention was sparked after see a pre view for the movie. I just finished book 4 and I am loving these books. They are quick reads and would be fun to read out loud to your kiddos :)
And, if you haven't read the Hunger Games, DO IT! They are totally awesome, really, best books I have read in a long time

If you need to smile today.....

2010-06-25T08:22:00.001-06:00

My nephew cannon has got to be the cutest thing ever! He has started waving and the other day after his nap he just couldn't stop the waving. His eyes were barely open and he was waving at me and Becca pretty much non stop. So cute! I sure do love that chubby baby!

No Longer....

2010-06-17T08:46:00.003-06:00

..... A Single Lady!!!!

What really matters....

2010-06-14T10:03:00.003-06:00

Last week was a sad week for my family. We lost Mr. B, my uncle. He will be greatly missed and I am so thankful for what his example has meant for my life. I am thankful for the plan of salvation and for the knowledge I have that families are forever. It seriously doesn't get any better than that. Despite the sad circumstances it was fun to have the family all together. It is a rare occasion that we are all together anymore.
All of my Harris cousins, only missing KC who is currently serving a mission
Isn't my Grandpa so cute. I sure do love him :)
My cute sisters and Mom, my favorite ladies to hang with. We always laugh our butts off and I love every minute of it.

No girls allowed....

2010-06-06T00:00:00.003-06:00

I finally decided that today would be the prefect day to get my house into some kind of "order". The chair was piled high with laundry so I put all of Ava's stuff into a laundry basket, took it into her room, and asked her to put it away. You would have thought I told her to wash and fold it all on her own too with the reaction I got. I didn't even have words to fight her with so I just walked away hoping that she would have her fit, get over it, and put away the darn clothes! A few minutes later it gets quiet and then I hear her door slam shut. I walk back to see what is going on and notice a sign on her door that says "no girls allowed". Seriously? So funny! A more accurate request might have been no Mom's allowed, but I did give her the space she requested and went about my chores chuckling the whole time. Oh, that girl of mine!
Adam and I had plans to go to a Bee's game tonight. I was unable to find a sitter for Ava so we were going to take her along. But that girl was in a mood all day and when she had a fit about something after dinner I was done and canceled those plans. Adam got to to see the "fun" side of Ava for awhile tonight. It was super great! (Insert sarcastic tone here) So we decided to go for a drive up the mountain and ended up having a really fun time. It was so beautiful!

And for the scoop and this cute boy...... What to say? We met 3ish weeks ago and lets just say things are going good. We have fun together. He's the cupcake and the frosting :) I will definitely keep you all posted with how things are going :)

Yesterday.....

2010-06-02T17:42:00.007-06:00

Ava got to hang out at Sharon's while I took Becca to the airport. Sharon is always so great at entertaining Ava and playing with her. I love this! They sent me these pictures while I was at the airport. Ava was very impressed with the "huge" bubbles she was making.

Yesterday was also Ava's last preschool graduation (she has had 3). I took some pictures but they were not turning out at all. My camera did not like the lighting in the room and would not cooperate with me. I can't believe Ava is starting Kindergarten in August. I am excited and terrified for her all at the same time. Her teacher Miss Gail talks a little about each child as she puts there graduation caps on. I couldn't help but chuckle when she commented that Ava had been coming to preschool for 3 years and had been ready for Kindergarten for all 3 of those years. She also said that Ava had made a great assistant the last year because she was such an expert in all covered subject. I have seen Ava grow and improve in her writing skills so much over just the past 6 months. She can now write all her numbers, only struggling with the number 2. She can write all the letters in the alphabet from memory with only small prompts from me. She can also spell a ton of peoples names from memory. I am a proud Mama and so excited to help her along her learning journey. I am also looking forward to having another reader in the house!

I also discovered a new favorite. Chocolate cupcakes with blueberry frosting. Can I say delicious? Seriously so yummy! Becca thought she was pretty funny and took some less than flattering pictures of me while I devoured it...... This was the least ugly one.....

I feel so boring....

2010-05-25T17:01:00.003-06:00

I have nothing of any real interest to say, but somehow feel the need to blog? So, this is what's new around here these days.....

We got new neighbors upstairs and down. I have "met" the ones downstairs and haven't even seen the people living upstairs. We made cookies for both last night but only the downstairs people were home and the guy looked at us like we were freaks when we dropped of the cookies, so maybe we won't be best friends? Ava said his hair looks weird and scary.

Ava is taking piano lessons on Mondays which basically means that we fight all through her practicing. It's delightful and reminds me that patience is a virtue that I have yet to fully acquire.

I spent the day at a "career workshop" and I get to do it again tomorrow. Honestly I am in no way looking forward to it. There is this weird couple there today and the guy wouldn't stop touching the girl and it was driving me CRAZY! I wanted to yell across the room "stop yourself!" And I got to do fun stuff like Me in 30 Second statements.... barf. I am trying to be positive, really, I am.

Becca is coming this weekend! So excited to see my Doobie Doo and spend some time in Logan with the rest of the fam too.

I finished my first book of the summer last night! I have a big stack waiting for me and calling my name. LOVE IT!

Sex in the City 2 comes out on Thursday! I am seriously so excited for a girls night out with Anna to see it. It's gonna be good! Like really good cause I love me some Sex in the City.

Ava has only one more week of pre school and I need a job, but don't really want one. Huh, I am so glad to be done with school but wish I was starting another semester in August cause the "real world" just doesn't have very much appeal to me right now. Pray that this changes soon and that I can come to grips with reality sooner than later. Thanks in advance :)

And just for fun, Ava with her fancy eyelashes and a very typical "Ava" expression.....

Today was a good day.....

2010-05-22T23:49:00.003-06:00

Today was so much fun! Katie and I spent the day together and it was a BLAST! We went out for sushi, shopped, lost the car, ate cookies and nearly peed our pants a few times from laughing.
I also got to spend the evening with Adam at my very first demolition derby.....

It was pretty fun, and pretty cold! Definitely not end of May weather, but then again I do live in Utah, where summer seems to never get here on time :)

Something I have been LOVING....

2010-05-21T21:16:00.004-06:00

While blog surfing a few weeks ago I came across a blog that I fell in love with. I sat at my computer for far to long reading through past entries and was brought to tears by many of the posts. The blog is called Joy For Your Journey and I love it. The post from today really touched me and so click here, maybe you will be inspired as well. Just another reminder that we never know the domino affect one action, conversation, or a simple invitation might have on the lives of others. Enjoy! Reading this blog has definitely brought Joy to my Journey :)

California.....

2010-05-20T14:46:00.012-06:00

We spent last week in California with Sharon. We hit Disneyland, the beach, and the Aquarium! It was a ton of fun, but then again I LOVE Disneyland and the beach :) My friend Anna found a place where we got Disney tickets for half price, so I used the $$ my Mom gave me for Christmas, Thanks Mom! (The fact that I didn't spend all of my Christmas cash from both parents until last week is an indication that I am actually being successful in changing my spending habits. Goals are good and actually accomplishing them is even better) We finally got to eat at Ariel's Grotto and it was so much fun! I called that morning and made a reservation and was so glad that I did because that place fills up fast! There were tons of people trying to get a table and we just walked right in. It was a little pricey, but Ava had so much fun having all the princesses come to our table and talk to her and take pictures with her. She also got to learn and do a cute little dance with them. It was way better than standing in line for 2 hours like we did in August just to see 3 princess, so in my opinion, money well spent if it saved me some sanity. Ava also got to see Tink (who is has become really into the last year) Minnie Mouse, Goofy, Pluto, and Donald Duck. There were no lines and not a ton of people there so we hit almost every single ride of relevance. It was a perfect Disney day (especially cause there was only one melt down from Miss Ava)

I didn't take any pictures at the beach, it was kinda cold and windy so we didn't stay for too long. We did eat lunch at Ruby's at the end of the pier and saw some dolphins, so that was fun. We also got a parking ticket, not so fun.

The living aquarium so much more fun than I thought. Ava loved, loved, loved it! They had an exhibit where they dad removed part of shark eggs and covered them with plastic so you could see the baby shark growing in side. They had four different ones all in different stages of development. You could see the shark inside of the egg moving around, very cool. It was my favorite part for sure. I took a few pictures so hopefully you can get an idea, the white blog is the yoke that provides the baby with the nourishment while growing and then when the yoke is gone the baby shark hatches. I also got to touch one of the shark who may have laid some of the eggs we say. They are smaller sharks, and have really rough skin.

We also got to touch some sting rays, star fish and sea anemones. Ava really got into this part and it was hard to pull her away when it was time to go...

I love her face in this last picture...

We also got to feed some birds. Ava wasn't too excited about birds landing on her arms so she fed them while they were sitting on the fence. One did land on her arm and she tried really hard to be all right with it, but in the end her fear won and she screamed and threw her bird food to get it off of her. It was kinda funny (doesn't it make me a mean mom to thinks it's funny?)

I wish I would have taken a picture of all three of us together, but I forgot to take my camera to Disneyland and the battery died while we were at the aquarium. Bummer. It was so nice to get away for a few days. I love going back to California because I really do miss living there, but every time I go back I am so happy that I moved to Utah. I love where I live and would never change it. Thanks Sharon for coming along!

Graduation!

2010-05-10T14:08:00.005-06:00

Seriously, one of the best days of my life! It was fun to just be with the people I love the most all day. It was so fun to have everyone there so share such a special day with me. Becca and my Mom came early with me and saved seats for everyone. They picked the best seats, where I could see them the whole time and they could see where I was. It was fun to have Ava waving at me and blowing kisses to me. I was a little stressed about how she would behave during the graduation, but from what everyone said, she was good. We went to Cheesecake after to do my favorite thing, eat! It was fun although we had to wait 2 hours to get a table. That place was a zoo, my Mom even got sat on by some fat lady! Ahahahahaha! Here is the day in pictures.....
In my seat waiting for the graduation to start Walking down the stairs.....

Waiting for my turn.....

Got my fancy diploma holder.....
Shaking more hands.....
WooHoo!!! Typical cheesy smile :)
So Happy!
Dad and Nan. I could not have done this without the support of loving parents :)
Me and my girl! It was so fun to be able to see her and wave to her during the graduation. I hope she always remembers this day cause we got here together.
My sista's! I am so lucky to have sisters that are my best friends. We always have so much fun when we are together and I can't imagine my life without them.
My mama! I seriously have the greatest Mom! She is always standing behind me and has been there to catch me every time I fall. Love you Mom!
Katie and Ryan, two of my biggest supporters. My sister is married to the greatest guy. They have done so much for Ava and I. I am so thankful for them and all they do for my family :)
Sharon and Brad, or the family that adopted me. I love how typical this picture is. Ava and I are so lucky to have Brad and Sharon.
Typical..... Isn't Ava's face just so cute in this one?
Brad took Ava to Build A Bear during out two hour wait for dinner, and she made this cute graduation dog back for me. It has a cute little cap on and little banner that say Class of 2010, Ava also got to write a personal message to me on it. So cute (mostly cause she was so excited to give it to me, Thanks Brad)

The day wouldn't have been complete without any of these people to share it with. I am so thankful for all of them in different ways. Family really is everything! Now on to the next step..... Whatever it may be!

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T22:25:00.003-06:00

Ava drew this picture of me for Mother's Day.........
Needless to say we all had a good laugh!

It was so fun to have my Mom here for Mother's Day. How convenient that graduation was the same weekend as such a special holiday. I am so thankful for the many women who guide and direct me on a daily basis. I have truly been blessed in that area. I am surrounded by strong, beautiful, and inspiring women.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

P.S. Graduation pictures coming tomorrow......

You Can Do Anything..........

2010-05-02T13:26:00.004-06:00

I finished school on Friday, I am a college graduate. It will really be official on Friday, but can you believe it? I can't. I am a college graduate. Wow! I never thought it would happen. Well, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel two and half years ago when I made the choice to go back to school. It's funny how life changing choices are made. I was talking to my Dad on the phone one day, and he just randomly says "I think you should go back to school, I will help you do it." I didn't agree right that moment but the suggestion was there in the back of my mind. I would get up and go to work day after day, spending 50+ hours there a week. In some ways I loved my job, and other ways I hated it with a passion. My feet and back ached everyday, I dropped Ava off at 7 and picked her up at 6. I was missing her life. What was the point of working such long hours to be missing the most important and best days of my life? So, I applied, got accepted, filled out more paper work for financial aid, got approved for financial aid, gave notice at my job, and then in January 2008 I started school. It was not as easy as it sounds. I will never forget the way I felt the first few weeks of school and when I got my last pay check. TERRIFIED. I wondered what I was thinking, and I was feeling so much self doubt. But guess what, the peace came. I knew I was making the right choice, for me and for Ava. Now, it is done, and the next chapter of my life is waiting to unfold. Once again, I am TERRIFIED. But more than anything I am happy, excited, and thankful.
When I got pregnant with Ava I didn't really know what to expect from my future. I just thought I would get a job, and make things work. But getting my college education seemed to drop off my radar for awhile. I was blessed to move up the ranks in my job, and make a good living. But it wasn't fulfilling me the way I needed it to after awhile. Going back to school happened for me when the time was right. I have learned more than what my professors have taught me. I have re-learned who I am. Most importantly I have been given a priceless gift. I have been present in Ava's life. No more 11 hour days with someone else. Priceless. Irreplaceable. I have also learned that Anything is possible, with the right attitude, the right support group, with enough hard work and perseverance, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

My Parents

2010-04-28T20:12:00.004-06:00

I have been feeling such mixed emotions lately. My life is rapidly changing right now, and as always, it is freaking me out. But what I can say is that one of the things that has been on my mind a lot is how grateful I am for my parents. They both love and support me in different ways and I love them so much. They have never given up on me and have always been here for me. I never really understood exactly how much they loved me until I became a Mother and then it all became so much clearer. Funny how life works that way. Life is so much easier when you have two amazing people helping you through the journey.

Soccer!

2010-04-27T19:56:00.002-06:00

Ava keeps getting better and better every game! She got four goals today and was pretty excited about it. I was happy that I finally caught one on video. Love the way she turns to us and holds up four fingers to let us know how many goals she had. Tonight was extra special for her cause our home teachers came to watch her game. How awesome is that? I have the best home teachers, we love them :)

For Becca......

2010-04-24T19:36:00.001-06:00

You know I luff you when your eyes are bulshing!

Dirty feet.... and more

2010-04-20T19:59:00.002-06:00

The weather today was perfect! The best part about nice weather is wearing flip flops, seriously, I love my flips! There is a down side though, the dirtiest feet at the end of the day. Gross! The picture doesn't even do it justice.....

I had to wake up Ava earlier than normal today. She cracks me up every time I have to wake her up cause she will say "just give me 5 more minutes" and then some times when she is extra tired she will change it to "no 10 more minutes" when I agree to the first 5. Is it me, or is she a little young for this kind of negotiating? I guess she learned it from me. I paid her a quarter yesterday to let me sleep for 30 more minutes. She is a total business woman and asked for the money up front!

Miss Ava.....

2010-04-19T21:51:00.004-06:00

Last night you fell out of bed. I was sitting on the couch and heard a big thump in the next room. I ran in to find you laying on the floor with wide eyes and silent, giant tears coming out of your eyes. You just looked at me so helplessly. I scooped you up (not easily cause you are almost too big for me to carry) and brought you out to the couch. You fell right back to sleep and I just sat and stared at you. I couldn't believe how big you are. You don't even fit on my lap any more. I watched you sleep and thought about how much I love you. I wish that I could protect you from everything that will ever hurt you. But I can't. I have to let you grow. All I can do is love, teach and try my hardest to prepare you for life. I feel so inadequate.
You have been a trial and joy lately. Your personality is blossoming more everyday. You are hard to handle sometimes and there are so many days I wonder how I am going to survive now and let alone when you are a teenager. You are into writing things lately and ask me multiple times a day how to spell words. You are getting so smart that you know how to write most letters from memory, but sometimes I have to write words out for you to copy. On Sunday you showed me a list you were making of all you best friends. You wrote "mom" three times and said it was cause I was your best, best, best friend. It was so cute and made me feel so special. You are my best friend too! I was also touched by the other people who were included in your list, your aunt, cousins, your doll, and Sharon.

I hope that you will always want to be my friend, and while I will always want to be your friend I know that being you Mom is so much more important. It will not always be easy and some days you will not feel like I am your best friend. Just always remember that nobody in this world loves you and knows you the way that I do. You are amazing and beautiful!
Love,
Mom

P.S. Tonight you asked me if I knew that farting in the bathtub made bubbles! Hahahahaha it was awesome :)

Bee's game

2010-04-18T17:23:00.005-06:00

Sharon took me and Ava to a Bee's game last night. It was so much fun. I love a good baseball game in the summer. We had suite tickets and the suite was right behind home base. Of course there was a hot dog and some cotton candy, for me, and Ava had a snow cone. Thanks Sharon for such a fun night.

Copy Cat.....

2010-04-11T10:52:00.004-06:00

My friend Blaire posted this quote on her blog and I had to post it on mine cause I like it.....

Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive. -- Josephine Hart

Cannon

2010-04-09T23:18:00.004-06:00

My youngest nephew is 6 months old! I can hardly believe how fast time flies these days. That little guy is so dang cute! He is so chubby and because of this chubbiness I call him Ruber Band Man, cause his wrists look like they have rubber bands around them. Lately he has been grabbing me by the cheeks and then laying slobbery wet kisses on me. I am totally all right with it! What is better than a slobbery baby kiss? Plus I know that all too soon he will be calling my kisses "nucky" which is Luka's word for yucky. Katie caught this shot of Cannon and I yesterday at the zoo. Man I love this little guy.....

The Easter festivities.....

2010-03-28T22:10:00.006-06:00

Ava is heading to Cali on Thursday to spend Easter there with her Dad and sisters, so we had some fun on Saturday. Easter egg hunt with Katie and cousins, then coloring eggs (an interesting experience for sure), Ryan humored the kids and hid the eggs once and then they were on their own, and of course I made some yummy treats. I didn't get my mojo for sugar cookies so we settled for chocolate dipped rice krispy treats. Less work and I didn't feel like my figure could take on a weekend of sugar cookies right now. I was beat last night, but I have to remember that even though days like that wear me out they are limited and that one day I will definitely miss it! Pictures are in no order because I was lazy, I can admit it.....

Ava's eggs...
I love this, she had sooooo much fun! Oh to be 5 again
Sista's.... I could not survive without mine! I needed some laughs desperately and we definitely had a few this weekend
works of art in progress
I even made one. Luka needed some help ;)
Me and my not so little baby
Checking out the goods
I got to help Luka while Katie was in charge of pictures. Have I ever mentioned just how much I love this little guy? Well, I do. He even gave me real kisses this weekend (he gives very limited kisses, it makes them extra special)
Getting ready for the hunt!

Well, that is the weekend recap. I am feeling a little blue tonight...... My last spring break is over. I don't feel ready to get back to life tomorrow. I have kind of a lot to do to wrap up the semester, and then there is the looming fact that I have to actually look for a job if I want one. I have been in denial and it is time to snap out of it, and get my booty in gear and make something happen. I know I can do it, but I am not feeling very inspired about much right now as far as a career is concerned. I just want to keep being the Mom. We went to meet Sharon's grandsons tonight. They are precious. There is nothing sweeter than a newborn baby. I loved holding them, but it made my heartache. Oh, the bitter sweetness of life.

Just Us

2010-03-21T23:47:00.005-06:00

Just a picture of me and my cute girl today. Isn't her skirt so cute? Thanks to auntie Katie for making it for her :)

Proof of Growth

2010-03-16T22:05:00.006-06:00

Ava and our Easter bunny 3 years ago..... The thing is bigger than she is! I miss those cute chubby cheeks.....

And today......

FREEBIES!

2010-03-02T16:17:00.004-07:00

This is all the free stuff that made its way back to my house in the past month........
Isn't it awesome? I had several goals I wanted to accomplish in 2010 and found it easier to combine several into one big one: WASTE LESS (time, money, food, energy, etc....). I started following some money saving blogs (you can find two of them here and here) and trying to catch on to the whole coupon game thing, and this was my result. Lots of free stuff, and this is just the stuff I brought home free, not including other items that I got kick butt prices on.
Pictured above:
8 bars Olay soap = 5.50
3 Olay body washes = 16.50
1 Olay body lotion = 8.24
1 bottle Herbel Essence hairspray = 2.99
1 bottle Cover Girl foundation = 7.48
1 bottle Windex = 3.24
8 light bulbs = 4.00
4 boxes Kellogs cereal = 10.00
1 bottle Tide Stain Release = 6.99
2 bottles Listerine Smart Rinse = 8.98
1 travel size Degree deoderant = .97
1 bottle Excedrine = 5.99
1 bottle Vaseline Intensive Care gel = 4.49
3 bags cocunut M&M's = 1.50
2 Glad candles = 5.00
2 packages Oreo cookies = 6.38
2 gallons Milk = 4.00
2 Old Navy tanks tops = 4.98
2 pairs Old Navy flip flops = 5.00
1 10 dollar smiths card = 10.00
1 Digiorno pizza = 2.50

Grand Total of: $122.23

In addition to these savings I have also accumulated $70 in Target gift cards. If you haven't started hitting up the $5 Target card sales, you should. I think I am going to save up through out the year and use the card for Christmas $$$$. Some of the groceries I used my Smith rewards to get free but had some good coupons so it stretched the money a little further. I had mail in rebates for some of the stuff, coupons that were just for out right free products, and some that were buy one item get another item free. The Old Navy stuff was free with a coupon I had for making previous purchases with an Old Navy credit card and then finding some clearance sales to stretch the money further.
Some of the stuff I would have never bought due to higher prices, but with coupons and sales they were free, so why not?
(Becca: those oreos are for your eating enjoyment this weekend :))

The lastest.....

2010-02-27T09:52:00.008-07:00

I had a HOT date last night.......

It may have even included a few whip cream kisses, but I loved them.....

Is he not the cutest boy EVER..... I heart him
We were supervised by this crazy person.......
And these two cutie pies....... Is my third nephew not the cutest guy! I heart him too.....
I got some new art work in my house as well........ It was not my happiest moment, but still kind of funny. I wish I knew what inspired the desire to just write her name on the wall. Aren't kids supposed to out grow the need to write on walls after the age of 2?

School is going well. Can you believe that I will be graduating in just two short months? Me either. The count down is on for MAY 7TH. It is going to be an awesome day for my little family. Still trying to figure out how to get out of public crying for this one.

Too early for dessert? Maybe. But not too early to wake up to how much I was loved.

2010-02-20T20:08:00.003-07:00

I am teaching a lesson tomorrow on communication skills. I found this story and loved it, so I thought I would share. It really made me think about how important it is to take the time to actually talk to the people we love the most. Relationships can grow so much through sharing a simple bowl of ice cream and having a conversation with someone. There is no better way to show someone we love them than to share moments like the one told in this story.
During my senior year in high school, I realized that I wouldn’t be seeing my family very much. With homecoming activities, honors classes, and my job, the hours I spent at home were few and far between. In the mornings I would kneel with the family for prayer. Then with a quick amen and hugs all around, I’d rush out the door to the bus. A foil-covered dinner would greet me each evening when I arrived home late. The rest of the family was asleep, so a textbook propped up against my glass of milk was my only company as I ate.
Later, I’d tiptoe upstairs and whisper good night to my sleeping parents. Mama would prop up a little on her elbow, "How was your day?"
"Fine." The standard answer, but one they accepted.
I’d feel my way down the hall into the dark bedroom where my five other sisters slept. I always made sure I kissed them each on their cheeks and whispered, "I love you." I wonder if my words ever entered their dreams. Then, setting my alarm clock, I’d say my prayers and crawl into bed.
Life continued like this for several months. I was just too busy.
Then one morning I was awakened by a flashlight shining directly into my eyes. Startled and peering past the bright beam, I was surprised to see my Papa clad in pajamas and robe with a big grin on his face.
"What time is it?" I asked, yawning.
"4:00 A.M.," said Papa, his face never losing the grin.
"You’re kidding. Is something wrong?"
"No," he said, "follow me."
I crawled out of bed and sleepily followed him downstairs. As I rounded the corner, I was surprised to see the living room light on and a small table pulled up to the couch. On the table were two dishes of ice cream with chocolate cookies stuck in the top. It looked very inviting.
"What’s this?" I asked incredulously.
"Have a seat," Papa said. He took me over to the couch and sat me down. "All right, let’s talk."
"Papa, you’re kidding. No one gets up just to talk and eat ice cream at this hour."
"I know, but I haven’t seen you for a while, and I wanted to know how things are going in your life." He hugged me and handed me some ice cream.
As we ate, we talked, really talked, for the first time in many weeks. Papa wanted to know about everything: How’s school? Work? Grades? Are you okay for money? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you healthy? How are you doing spiritually?
One by one I answered his questions, told him my concerns, and asked for advice. My heart thrived on the love I felt from him. With 10 other children in the family, how could he possibly care so much about my life? But he did. Momentarily all the bills, work, Church callings, and the interests of a dozen other people he had to care for were forgotten. He was concerned about me. On that couch, side by side, giggling, laughing, and sharing the deepest feelings and thoughts within us, we passed the early morning hours. We talked long after the ice cream was gone.
It has been many years since that morning. I don’t live at home anymore, and now it’s normal not to see Papa or the family for a few weeks or months. But that four o’clock morning is engraved on my soul, a memory sweeter than ice cream. That morning I really knew someone cared—my father.
Many times since then, when life gets rough, I have been awake at 4:00 A.M., wishing for someone to talk to, wishing for someone who cared enough to ask me those questions. Papa cannot drive the many miles to shine a flashlight in my face. And most people are too practical to serve up ice cream at four in the morning.
However, even when my papa isn’t there, I know from his example of another Father who also watches over his daughters and his sons. A Father who is willing to listen about school, about problems, about life; one who knows us so well that He can see into and feel our hearts; a Father who understands perfectly the world we are facing, our fears and hopes, and asks all the right questions.
That morning reminds me of Heavenly Father, a Father who is omniscient and omnipresent. This Father, too, is always willing to talk, no matter what time it is. And that’s even better than 4:00 A.M. ice cream.

Happy Valentines Day!

2010-02-14T20:55:00.004-07:00

I thought it would be fun to share this quite picture Katie and I took of the kids on Cooper and Ava's first Valentines Day. It took some patience and time to get Cooper to sit still, Ava to not slump over, and Savannah to hold the sign so we could actually ready it. It makes me smile just thinking about it. How did these three precious kiddos grow so fast?

Yum! Yummy! Yummy!

2010-02-11T15:13:00.003-07:00

I made way to many sugar cookies yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking but I made a double batch and by the end of the project I was wondering what in the world I was thinking. But seriously, my sugar cookies are the one thing I can actually feel some pride over when it comes to having any skills in the kitchen. I am getting better, but I can only be so ambitious when it comes to cooking for myself and Miss Ava. I took some cookies over to Katie's and my cookies were a hit with Luka. Katie and I were just talking away when I hear Luka say "yum, yum, yummy!" and then he just put his face right down into the cookie for another bite. It was so funny! Man I love that little guy :)

Yes, they really are that good!

A Saturday well spent....

2010-02-07T21:01:00.004-07:00

Yesterday we went up to Heber and went sledding with the Robinson family (aka Katie). It was actually my first time sledding! I am sure you are now wondering where I have been my whole life, but what can I say? I have just never done it. It was so much fun! Cold and wet, but fun. Ava wasn't a huge fan......

As you can see by the look on her face (also notice me laughing my butt of in the back) after her first time down the hill. She didn't go again until the very last run. In fact she didn't even want me to go again. She can be so protective of me sometimes! In fact on one of the runs Ryan thought it would be fun to have everyone get out of the sled and then push me down this really steep part. It wasn't too bad, I did run into a tree, and if I hadn't been worried about how I was going to climb back up I would have actually enjoyed the ride. But as I was sliding down the hill I could hear Ava screaming and crying for me. Poor girl was worried about me. Ava's fear did wear off by the end of the day and she went down one last time with Ryan and I. At the end she yelled "wow, that was crazy fun". She has asked me several times when we are going to go sledding again. Here are a few more pictures......

Ground Hog Day and Taco Sandwiches

2010-02-02T10:40:00.006-07:00

Funny story. Last year on ground hog day Ava got in the car very excited about a puppet she had made at preschool that day and even more excited to tell me the story about the puppet. She went on to tell me that her puppet was a "bear hog" and how he comes out to see if he can see his shadow and well you all know the ground hog thing. I could not stop laughing because she went on and on about "bear hogs" and was just so excited. I tried a few times to correct her, but she just couldn't get it straight. It was a crack up! For some reason I remembered this in the shower this morning. I can't wait to see if she comes home today talking about ground hogs or if they will remain "bear hogs" for one more year. And if you must know I am secretly hoping for the "bear hog" story to be the one she tells me.
As far as the taco sandwich part of the story..... Yesterday at dinner time Ava comes into the kitchen and declares that she doesn't want me to make her dinner because she wants to make her own sandwich. She gets out a "quesadilla" or what the rest of us call a tortilla, and proceeds to make a taco sandwich. The ingredients: tortilla, torn in half, whip cream aka sour cream on both pieces, then top with lettuce, place on on top of the . This was completely her own creation, I have never ever prepared this type of meal for her. Delicious to her (she ate two) and quite unappealing to me. She was very proud with her creation and I was happy to let her explore (once I got over the fact that she was making a mess on my just swept and mopped kitchen floor).

It is hard to see in from this picture cause it isn't quite big enough on the blog, but she has sour cream on the tip of her nose in this picture.
Man I love my girl!

For Becca......

2010-01-30T22:25:00.004-07:00

Because I miss her and I know this will make her laugh. Love you Doobie

Lazy? I think not......

2010-01-26T10:01:00.002-07:00

Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering. -Elaine Heffner

I randomly came across this quote the other night and love it. This morning I was feeling lazy for having spent and hour and a half just cuddling on the couch with Ava. There are a ton of things I need to get done today, so I was feeling guilty for "wasting time". But then I remembered that my days of cuddling with her this way are becoming limited. I will be working again soon, she is growing so fast, she will be in school before I know it, and sadly enough she might out grow wanting to be held like that. So, I am going to take advantage of every opportunity to cuddle her, read books to her, play go fish with her, tuck her in at night, make all her meals, answer her questions, and tell her I love her with kisses on her cheeks, because soon enough she will out grow all of those things. I am going to enjoy being a mother, because it really is the best thing I will ever be and the best thing I could ever do with my life. It is a central part of my "personhood".

Five years ago......

2010-01-25T00:39:00.002-07:00

The fact that it has been five years since I moved to good old Utah has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few weeks. It has become the way that I measure time. Like I have a life before five years ago and then the life I have now. I feel like things have almost come full circle with that huge, drastic, life changing move. I didn't have much of a plan, didn't know what would happen with my life, didn't have money or a job, didn't really even have a place to live that I could call "home". All I knew is that my life needed to change, and in a BIG way. And that is has. I can't even describe how excited I am about walking across that stage and getting my degree. I don't even know how I am going to do it without crying and making a fool of myself. It isn't even the happiness of graduating, but more the feeling that I am not a failure after all and that I have managed to beat the odds given to me in my situation. I also think it is cool that Ava will remember the event. It just makes it that much more special to me. It hasn't been the easiest road to travel, and I have definitely not done it alone, but seriously, looking back I have been the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my life. EVER. All though there have been hard days, and hard choices, and lots of hard work, it has all been worth it. The other night I was sitting in my apartment and looked around and thought, wow, who would have ever thought? I have been blessed beyond even my own comprehension. This single Mom thing has definitely been harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but honestly I am comforted daily in knowing that things will keep working out if I do what I know is right and keep on keeping on. I can't believe Ava is growing up so fast. She doesn't even have any baby look left. She is so smart, well adjusted, out spoken, inquisitive, funny, loving, sassy, and the list can go on and on. But really, she never ceases to amaze me. She wants me to be a better person and I am a better person because I am her Mom. Life is truly good! Here's to the next five years...... can't wait to see where they take me :)

My week.....

2010-01-23T22:15:00.008-07:00

My Dad and Nan gave me some money for Christmas. There was really nothing that I was really really wanting at the time so I decided to put the money aside and wait for something to come up. Well, I randomly came across a super cute leather chair on Overstock.com. It was on a pretty sale and I had a 10% off coupon so I bought it! I was so excited for it to come and it came way faster than I expected it to. I had to wrestle it out of the box (embarrassingly enough I even broke a sweat) and even managed to put the chair together all by myself. Brad and Sharon gave me a tool set for Christmas that came in quite handy too. I love the chair! Like seriously LOVE it. It just ties my living room together and just makes everything look so much better. It was exactly what I didn't know I've been wanting. Super Awesome! Thanks Dad and Nan :)

Ava got home Tuesday night. She was due in at 10:30pm but due to the crazy weather conditions in southern California she didn't get in until 12:00AM. That made for a very tired me and a very tired Ava. So tired in fact that I let her just crawl into be with me when we got home. I did make sure to tell Ava that sleeping with me would not be a daily thing, but for late nights and special occasions we could bend the rules ;) Ava got to spend tons of time with her cousins this week, which she loved. Katie and Ryan helped me out twice this week with watching Ava so I could go to New Beginnings on Wednesday night and then I have a class on Thursday nights (Katie and Ryan will be watching Ava every week while I got to school, for which I am VERY thankful for). Ava and I watched the kiddos on Friday after noon and then she got to go over again today while Katie and I had a girls lunch out to celebrate our good friends birthday. Ava had a rough day on Friday! She got huge scratch on her face, slammed her finger in the door and took off a good chunk of skin and then to end the day she ran into Savannah's bedroom door and now has a pretty good black eye. Poor girl :(

Friday night we went to my friend Lyndsy's for game night and I seriously had so much fun. I re-learned how to play a super fun card game, hand and foot. We also played a game called the game of things. It was so much fun and at one point I laughed so hard I peed my pants just a little! Don't judge, I have the smallest bladder of anyone you have ever met, hadn't gone to the bathroom in a record 2 hours and I have birthed a child. I also went to school and started my internship, more to come on that later! '
Whew I am tired. Ava snapped this picture of me tonight....

As of late.......

2010-01-16T00:50:00.004-07:00

Just a few big and small things that have been going on in my world lately.....

Ava is now sleeping in her own bed! Yes, she is five, what can I say? I haven't really minded sharing my bed with her, but alas I was ready to take my space back. People have given me the business about letting her sleep with me for so long, but whatever. I'm the Mom and I can do things the way I want, so there.

Ava took her second solo flight to Cali last night. I always look forward to my "break" but then I always end up missing her with in half a day or so. There is a perfect song lyric that sums up how I feel when she is gone.... Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

I started my last semester!!!! It is going to be a breeze. Let's hope finding a job is just has breezy.

I spent some of my Christmas $$ this week and sometime in the next 6 weeks an awesome black leather chair will find a new home in my living room.

I went to a bar tonight to see a comedy show with a friend and the strangest thing happened. I felt some what out of place. Never would have thought that would happen to me, but it did. Strange.

I am back on Weight Watchers due to 20 pounds mysteriously taking up residence on my body over the last 6 months. Not cool. In fact this chubbiness is making me crabby, so I am declaring war on it.

My wii fit age is 45. Ummmm..... pathetic. I am living in a body that is so out of shape that according to the wii I all ready know physically what it feels like to be 45. The sad thing is is that I am missing out on the knowledge of knowing what it feels like to live in the body of a 28 year old. This must change.

I moved to Utah 5 years ago as of this month. I can't believe it has been so long. I didn't have much of plan when I moved. I just new that my life needed a drastic change so I jumped off the cliff....... There really are no adequate words to describe the miracles that have been taking place in my life since taking that giant leap of faith.

The last month I have grown a new appreciation of unanswered prayers. Mostly thankful to have peace of mind that things have worked out just as they should have. Unanswered prayers are definitely gifts from God, but really, in my eyes, the greatest gift he gives us is the feeling of peace after the storm calms and all is silent. The moment when in your own way you come to know that all is well and as it should be. Peace and acceptance are the real gift.

It was two years ago that I quit my job as an assistant general manager at Jamb Juice. Wow, time flies.

When Ava was walking into preschool one day last week she stopped to wave and blow me a kiss. My heart ached a little knowing that all too soon I will be back to working full time and missing those small moments with her that I love so much. The last two years of being the closest to a stay at home mother as I will ever come have been a precious and irreplaceable gift to me. I will cherish them always.

I read this quote on a blog I read everyday and think that it pretty much sums up a lot of what I have been thinking lately........

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Enough said.

What is Christmas?

2010-01-01T19:12:00.028-07:00

Christmas is the holiday we celebrate from December 1st- December 25th.
Christmas is going to the Christmas tree lot with Brad and Sharon to pick out the "perfect tree" and then decorating it
Christmas is listening to the Oak Ridge Boys and Kenny and Dolly Christmas CD's non-stop
Christmas is going to temple square to marvel at the beauty of the temple grounds covered in lights and making memories with the beautiful young women I love so much

Christmas is finishing finals, then breathing a huge sigh of relief
Christmas is shopping, and feeling excited about finding "the perfect" gift for the ones you love
Christmas is making temple pictures with Katie and discovering my mad staple gun skills
Christmas is shoveling snow
Christmas is taking Ava to see Santa Clause and seeing the excitement in her eyes while she talks to "the fat man"
Christmas is Katie doing 80% of my present wrapping :)
Christmas is finally getting ALL my decorations up the week before the actual day
Christmas is opening presents, breakfast for dinner and of course an Aggie game with my Dad and Nan

Christmas is taking Ava to see Princess and the Frog, twice
Christmas is Ava singing "redolph" and telling me and Sharon not to bust up
Christmas is the Young Women doing the 12 days of Christmas for me
Christmas is eating and eating and then eating some more.... the orange rolls were definitely a high light
Christmas is planning menus
Christmas is driving through town to see all the beautiful lights
Christmas is driving to Logan in a crazy snow storm, seeing my grandpa, cousins, aunts and uncles, missing my Grandma, and getting stuck in Logan due to crazy snow storm
Christmas is drinking hot chocolate
Christmas is Luka eating so much candy that he puked and then immediately going right for the box of See's chocolates

Christmas is making sugar cookies for the kids to decorate and for the big girls to eat :)
Christmas is playing Trains and What Where You Thinking
Christmas is trying to guess who the alien in the room is
Christmas is seeing my cute Grandpa Harris three times, oh how I love that man
Christmas is talking to Tricia for hours at a time
Christmas is hot peppermint baths, warm fuzzy socks and my sexy gray bathrobe
Christmas is getting to see Becca freak out about her hair not being straight enough
Christmas is spending tons of time with my sisters
Christmas is getting a magic key for Santa
Christmas is the kids acting out the nativity and then sharing their talents with everyone
Christmas is leaving cookies and milk out for Santa
Christmas is a new camera, UGGS, cash, the opportunity to make a memory with Ava in 2010, new books, cold stone cards, new dishes, the cutest new watch, a Jewelry Tree.... and more!
Christmas is discovering that I need a massaging eye mask

Christmas is a new scooter, games, art supplies, a new doll bed, a piano and lessons, play doh, doll clothes, new movies, books, new clothes, barbie and hot air balloon carriage....

Christmas is getting to spend the holiday with my Mom for the first time in six years
Christmas is Ava telling Brad to "turn on his engine and get over here"
Christmas is Brad and Ava being..... well, Brad and Ava
Christmas is Ava declaring her favorite Christmas song Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton
Christmas is giving and receiving
Christmas is seeing the sparkle of excitement and magic in Ava's eyes
Christmas is strengthening our relationships with the people we love most in the world
Christmas is growing in my appreciation for my Savior Jesus Christ, his birth, his life, his example,and his unconditional love.

I am thankful for all that i have been blessed with. Christmas was busy, fun, and practically perfect in every way.

invisible woman

2009-12-12T10:54:00.002-07:00

My mom sent this to me and I really loved the message. So..... In admiration to all of the things you build when no one is looking..... because God sees.

Tis' the Season......

2009-12-05T22:30:00.004-07:00

Ava and Santa Clause. Isn't that giant smile priceless?
You are never too old to believe in Santa. I love Ava's big smile in this one too!
And just for kicks...... Four years makes a pretty big difference! Ava definitely didn't smile at all the first time she sat on Santa's lap :)
I can't believe it is Christmas already! It seemed to take forever to come around when I was growing up, but I feel like all I did was blink. I love this time of year and the excuse it gives me to reflect on what is most important in my life. I love getting together with friends and family. I love the smells that come with Christmas and the FOOD and TREATS I get to eat. I love the music that comes with Christmas and I love hearing Ava sing her version of Christmas music. I love the memories I have from my childhood during this time of the year. I can only hope to create that magical feeling that is most prominent during the Christmas season. I hope to be able to teach her the TRUE meaning of Christmas and help her learn how to identify the special feeling she will feel in her heart by sharing the true meaning of Christmas with others.
Last night Ava and I ventured out with the Robinson crew to visit Santa, or the fat man, as Katie calls him. It was so much fun! I love seeing the kids eyes sparkle when they see Santa and get to talk to him for just a few short minutes. I even sat on his lap this year! Savannah looked over and said "Julie's sitting on Santa's lap!" It was pretty cute. Ava asked for a scooter. This is much better than the tiny tiny reindeer she asked for last year.

Did you Know?

2009-12-04T10:57:00.003-07:00

I have some serious natural curl in my hair. I didn't even know just how CURLY it is! I got my hair done last week and while blowing my hair dry my stylist commented on the beautiful big curls in my hair. I have spent my whole life fighting the curl and frizz that lives on top of my head. I went back today to get the bottom color of my hair darker and she suggested we fix it curly. I went along with it thinking it might be a good day to embrace natural beauty. WOW! It was so curly, and a little frizzier than I like, but still pretty cute.....

And of course all this little guy want for Christmas is his auntie! Can you blame him?

Ava's Birthday.....

2009-12-02T22:52:00.007-07:00

I am behind! Ava had such a great birthday. The night before her big day I decorated the house so it would be nice and festive when she woke up. I bought 30 balloons (thanks to Sharon for hiding them at her house and delivering them to me), and made the cutest cut outs of number 5's, covered them in green and purple glitter and then hung them from the ceiling. Ava wanted everything Tinkerbell and that's what she got. I think she was pretty happy with the way her special day turned out. I just keep asking myself how it is possible that my baby is 5. I wish I could rewind the time and cuddle her as a new born again, but I guess I will just go cuddle my 5 year old. She is an expert in the cuddle department, but she learned form the best :)

Giving Thanks.....

2009-11-26T21:16:00.005-07:00

I have been thinking about making a gratitude list all month, so here it goes........

1. My testimony of The Gospel of Jesus Christ - My testimony has really undergone some remodeling this past year, but I am so thankful to have it! It is the most important thing that I will ever have. It gives me the strength to find the silver lining of even the darkest cloud. I feel so lucky to know that I am a daughter of God and that he loves me no matter what.
2. My Ava - I can't believe that I have been a Mom for 5 years. It has gone by so fast and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. BUT, even though it has been the most challenging thing I have ever done, it has brought me more JOY than I ever could have imagined. She is my compass and I love her more than I could ever express.
3. My family -I have been so blessed with two of the most amazing parents who have taught me some very valuable lesson, and two beautiful sisters who make my life fun.
4. My niece and nephews. They are special gifts in my life and I love them oh so very much. They are all so different and some of my biggest blessings.
5. Sharon and Brad - I don't know how I would make it with out them as part of my family. They have truly been gifts from God to me and have contributed greatly to the person I am today. They have made what could have been some very lonely times in my life some of the happiest memories I will have.
6. A warm safe place to live. Food to eat and clothes to wear.
7. Good Friends

My life is so blessed I could never make a sufficient list. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Mr Luka.....

2009-11-19T15:07:00.003-07:00

Luka has always held such a special place in my heart. I just love this little guy so much. At one of Savannah's soccer games he found a diet coke in my purse. Of course I opened it right up and shared. I feel exactly this way when I drink a diet cherry coke! Happy Birthday Buddy!!!

She's 5!!!!!

2009-11-17T21:10:00.007-07:00

Can you believe my "baby" is 5? I can't..... in some ways it feels like she was just born and other days it really does feel like another life time ago. But I guess you could say it was a whole different life 5 years ago than it is today. My big sis Katie took these adorable pictures of Ava for me this morning. I LOVE them.....

Ava is a vibrant 5 year old. She is always bursting with energy and excitement. Right now she is really into playing with her dolls and insists on taking them practically everywhere with us. She is also really into Tinker Bell and want everything to be like "Tinker". She loves the movie Marley and Me and watched it several times a week. I don't think I have seen the movie from start to finish but I have the whole thing basically memorized. Maybe one of these days I will sit down and actually watch it with her. She has developed quite the sassy mouth in the last few weeks. I am hoping she overcomes this VERY soon! I am thankful for Ava and for the joy she has brought into my life. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I could never have imagined our life would unfold in the way that it has in the past five years. I love you Ava!

My faith has been increased...... yet again.

2009-11-13T22:32:00.006-07:00

I had a scary moment tonight. The kind that made my heart stop beating for a minute. In my house I have a a fairly large shelf that hangs on the wall and then below it is the table I have with my TV on it. It is a good sized table and in the last few weeks Ava has developed the obsession with climbing on top of it and turning on the spot lights inside the shelf. I have told her time and time again NOT TO CLIMB UP THERE! Well this evening I was sitting in the kitchen working on an assignment for school and heard several large crashes in the next room. I ran in there to find Ava buried under the shelf and my TV. She had climbed up to turn on those stupid lights again and some how managed to pull all of it down on top of her. I was expecting the worst as I started pulling it off of her, but to my complete amazement she didn't have a scratch on her. Not a single injury. She was shaken up to say the least. Even more to my amazement nothing was broken. The table my TV lives on took a few bumps and scratches and my DVD player has a big dent in the top of it, but that's all. I am so thankful nothing worse happened. We truly have angels watching over us!
To give you an idea of the size of the shelf here is a picture of it, it doesn't quite have the whole thing in it, but you can get the idea.

Loving

2009-11-10T07:59:00.003-07:00

This song. The video isn't much, but just listen. I am loving it right now!

Funny Story!

2009-11-05T18:23:00.003-07:00

So, I have rejoined LDS singles online.... that is a whole different saga of my life. I guess if anything it provides me with entertaining stories to tell. So today I was online and this guy initiated a conversation with me. I checked out his profile and decided I wasn't really that into him so I replied a simple "thanks but no thanks". I have come to use this phrase often. It just gets to the point in a polite way. After I said that I just closed the chat window. He then responded "Nice, just close out the window. You weren't that cute anyway, fatty!" I seriously busted up!!!!! I guess I found it so funny because he must not have thought I was too fat to say hello to. I guess I gained a few instant pounds when I decided not to be interested in him. Oh the joys of dating! Especially online where people can be extra bold with out any real accountability for the words.

Zipline right next to volcano Arenal

2009-10-15T11:08:00.007-06:00

On Tuesady morning we got up bright and early to begin our adventure at the Arenal Volcano. It is one of the most active volcanos in the world. I was hoping to see some red lava but the very top of the volcano was covered by a cloud all day. We asked one of the locals where the best place to do a zipline was and he gave us directions to one right next to Arenal national park. We got a little lost because he told us to turn by the police station. We were looking for some kind of building but it turns out that police stations look more like bus stops around here. Once we got on the right road it was unpaved, very rocky and littered with gian potholes. We drove for about 5 miles on the this road praying the whole time not to pop any of our tires. We finally arrived and boy was it worth it! We took a sky tram up this mountain right next to the volcano and did 7 ziplines all the way back down. The ziplines took us across this jungle covered valley between to mountains and we could see the lake off to oneside. It was AWESOME!! Our guides were so much fun. They took a ton of pictures for us and even a video. It rained part of the time and we were soaking wet, but it was still a blast!
The veiw behinde us going up the tram

Sharon and I on the sky tram with Lake Arenal behinde us. It was a beautiful.

We got a little fruity drink after the sky tram ride up to the ziplines.... The volcano is behinde us. The top was always covered by a cloud. I was very sad :(

Check out those giant gloves.....

Getting ready for take off. I am suck a dork

And there I go ......

Coming in......

Me with giant beetle and crazy hair...
Sharon and I with our awesome zipline crew Marcos and Delroy

Monday in Costa Rica........

2009-10-14T10:10:00.037-06:00

When it was official that we were coming to Costa Rica one of the first things I did was look online to see if there was a temple there. I was excited to see that there was one right in San Jose and I was excited to at least go the temple grounds and see it. When we arrived and our plans started changing due to luggage delays and finding out from Elder Robinson that the temple was located in kind of a more remote part of the city I gave up on the idea of us trying to find it because it would take up so much or our time. When we started our journey to Arenal we were pleased to see that we were on a highway and not through the city too much. About 45 minutes or so into our drive we had to take and exit and starting driving through a little town . We were driving along this road.....

And then out of now where we saw this big gold statue looking thing sticking right up into the sky. We both said out loud "what in the world is that?" and then in usison we realized that it was the angel Moroni and that temple was just right in front of us. Right there in the middle of this little run down part of the city. The picure right above is what you see standing out side the front entrance of the temple. I can't even describe to you what I felt right at that moment. I had chills. Isn't it strange that a vacation can strenghten my testimony? It was so random that we would just get of the highway right there and see the temple. I really think it was one of my favorite parts of this vacation. It was Monday so the temple was closed, but the guard in front opened the gate and let us park our car in the parking lot and walk around. It was definitely a highlight for me!

This was the veiw we saw of the temple was we were driving up to it....

Sharon and I in front of the temple....

Me at the front entrance of the temple......

Dedicated in 2000....

Arent these flowers beautiful? They were all over the temple grounds. There were some that were light blue and some that were light purple.

Right after we left the temple we took a few turns through the town and got onto a different highway.
As we were driving along a small stretch of the highway there was the most beautiful scenery and signs for a zoo so we decided to venture off our path and check it out. As we were driving along the road we noticed that there were what looked like little gardens with shops in front. I saw a few little road side restaurants so we decided to stop. When we got out became a little worried about how I was going to order in Spanish but it worked out pretty good. We order some Agua's con Frutas and Empanadas con Pollo and a fruit plate that had frech pineapple, papaya and bannans. It was quite good! Sharon liked it so much that we now have a favorite in our GPS labeled good fried food and fruit!

There were these crazy bird nest looking things haning right in front of the counter and almost right over where our table was. We were a little worried about a bird attack or getting pooped on :)

I don't know excatly why, but I just liked this picture. Our drinks were so yummy and it is a rare occasion that I enjoy fruity drinks, but I drank this down with no problem!

Empanada's con Pollos = delicioso

After we ate our delicious lunch we headed up the street to the zoo. The pathway right when you walked in was lined with Parrots just chillen on each side of the path. It was really cool.

Introducing Julie the Peacock.....
Me next to some really tall bamboo growing in the zoo

Look closely and you will see the snake....
I bought this cool bird whistle for Ava outside of the zoo. It makes the coolest sound and it is really easy to play..... I provided a little mood music for us on our drive with it :)

There were these giant spider webs with huge spiders living in them all over the zoo. I almost walked right into a few of them. They were a little freaky and I was ready to be done with the zoo when it was time because after my close calls I was becoming a little paranoid of giant spiders crawling on me.

The country side on the way to Arenal was breathtaking! I can't even do it justice with words. I have never seen anything like it. This is a picture of some feilds we thought were kinda cool. This was the veiw from the mountainside just across from them, but we actually drove right next to them about 20 minutes after we took this picture.

We drove past waterfalls...... some were actually very close to the car, like this one
Our GPS would beep and give us warning for speed bumps and upcoming attractions but we felt really concerned when this appeared: warning: dangerous bridge ahead. We had a TON of these on our journey to Arenal. Some definitely felt more dangerous than others, but mostly because they were one way. At times we had to wait our turn. This one in the picture below was interesting to cross because we had to go on a small unpaved part of the road that was quite bumpy and rocky. It was actually quite beautiful though with the river below and the waterfalls on the other side.

We finally made it to the hotel! By the time we made it there we were so tired and READY to get out of the car. A four hour car drive at 40mph is much different than a four hour car drive at 75 mph. The road was very curvy and narrow and I was so glad to have me feet on the ground again :) We got to our room and just layed down and slept for about 2 hours. After we were rested we explored the hotel then set out for some dinner. We ate at Luigis pizzeria and had a delicious shrimp calzone. It was quite tasty. This is me by the pool at our hotel. It had beautiful water falls and water slides. There was one "cold" pool and then on the other side there was the natural "hot" pool. We relaxed there after dinner.

This was the cool little bridge we had to walk over to get to the pool area. It was so beautiful :)

Me with my pina colada in the hot spring......

I got my suitcase!!! We had Delta deliver it all the way to the new hotel we were at which was perfet cause we actually got to do stuff other than waiting around for my bag to come in. I was so excited to be able to shave my pits, arms and legs and have some stuff to tame my hair a little bit. A shower never felt so good!

Elder Robinson and other happenings in Costa Rica

2009-10-11T23:19:00.005-06:00

My sister Katie has a brother in law serving a mission in Costa Rica so I was sent with a package to deliver to him. He is serving near San Jose, the city we flew into, so it worked out perfectly. We checked 3 bags when we left salt lake city. Sharons bag, my bag and a package for Elder Robinson. The package was the only thing that arrived in Costa Rica with us last night. Sharon's bag made it to Atlanta and mine ended up in San Francisco some how. Luckily Sharon's bag arrived this afternoon, but I will hopefully be getting mine tomorrow afternoon. This has put quite a damper on our plans. I feel like we lost the whole day today dealing with our luggage issues. Luckily there is a huge mall right near where we are staying so I was able to go and get some makeup and some supplies to try and calm down the frizz that is taking over my head. I swear I looked like a lion when I woke up this morning! Humidity is not kind to my hair :)

We planned to meet Elder Robinson and his companion at 6pm tonight in a park in front of a Catholic Church in the town he is currently serving in. Luckily the man working in the gift shop at our hotel lived in that same city and plugged it into our GPS for us. It was the first place we went without getting lost one time! It was so fun to see Casey! He had the biggest smile on his face the whole time. He asked how all of Katie and Ryan's kids were doing and was so excited to hear the details I had to offer. Katie sent a special letter for him with pictures of the newest addition and I forgot to bring it. I felt so bad, but got his address and will mail it tomorrow so he should get it pretty quickly. We laughed when I gave him the box because it was a wine box. How funny to bring a missionary a wine box. :) Casey said how good it was to see some one that he knew and could speak English with. He was just glowing the whole time. He told us that one of their investigators was baptised last week in the ocean. How cool would that be?

I am thankful that we got to see Casey and feel of his spirit. I couldn't help but think how lucky his family is for his example.

We have plans to head up to Arenal to see the volcano there. It is supposed to be amazing if the clouds are not blocking the veiw of the top. It is a very active volcano so it should be interesing. I told Sharon we are going with my bag or without it. If the bag doesn't make it on the flight tomorrow I will just make due with the clothing I had in my carry on. This could be interesting, but what else can we do? I am not wasting any more of my vacation waiting around for a suitcase :)

And so the Adventure Begins!

2009-10-11T00:56:00.004-06:00

I haven't mentioned this on my blog but Sharon and I have been planning a trip to Costa Rica for quite some time. I have the next week off school for Fall Break. So, after what I might call a hellish week (4 midterms, 3 quizzes, 2 labs, and 2 online assignments due) today was finally the day!

We left for the airport at 7 am to find out our plane was delayed an hour, could have used that extra hour of sleep :) Then flew to Denver, then Atlanta and finally landed in San Jose Costa Rica. While waiting for our baggage to arrive we hear our names called over the intercom. I was at the Currency Exchange counter trying to get us some money and when I looked over at Sharon the look on her face was priceless. Well, only one of our bags actually arrived in Costa Rica. The care package I am delivering to Katie's bother in law who is serving his mission. Seriously no luggage! It should be arriving tomorrow sometime after 12pm. So our plans to attend church with Elder Robinson are canceled :(

We finally made it out of customs and proceeded to the car rental counters to discover that the company we reserved a car with had decided to close the counter early tonight. It was frustrating to say the least. We talked to a few people and then the guys in charge of the Taxi's. I had a feeling that we should just wait a minute to make a decision. And then walks in the Hertz car rental guy. Turns out at this hour of the night we had to take a shuttle in town a little way to get the car. This is the point I became worried about what driving in Costa Rica might be like. A man on the plane told us we should have rented a 4X4 because all the pot holes cause flat tires quite often. He new of someone who got 3 in one trip! Then the car rental guy advised us it would come in handy to purchase tire and windsheild insurance with the rental. Hmmmm I might have some interesting flat tire stories to tell in the next few days. The best part of the car rental experience was when I was looking through the spanish to english book was have and told Sharon she was "muy frustrado". Maybe you just had to be there but it was pretty funny.

With the help of GPS we eventually made it to our hotel. We had more than a few wrong turns on the way and probably would have never made it without the GPS. Thank the heavens for modern technology! Our hotel is super nice, so that was very refreshing. The front desk guy helped us figure out the money situation and a few problems with our car. We are tired! I want my toiletries! Luckily I packed a few changes of clothes in my carry on. All I can say is that I will be a much happier camper when my luggage arrives!

On the bright side we have an amazing view of HOOTERS outside our hotel window :)

Then we discovered our curtains don't close all the way so Sharon came up with a solution..... a hair clip!

Um........

2009-10-08T09:33:00.002-06:00

So, Ava actually thought she was going to wear this outfit today. I don't think so!

Photo booth

2009-09-27T22:20:00.004-06:00

Apparently Ava has discovered photo booth on my computer. Here are few of the little treats I discovered on here today.....

There were at least 50 to choose from, and yes the first one is of her backside. I love her sense of humor! Never a dull moment around this house.

Emotions......

2009-09-24T21:52:00.002-06:00

I feel like a basket case lately. All of my emotions are very close to the surface right now. I think that I have just been realizing how overly blessed my life is. Some of the things I have learned in school are heart braking and discouraging and out right outrageous. And I feel like the luckiest person in the world that I haven't had to deal with many of them first hand. I feel lucky that so far I have managed to beat the odds in my situation. I AM SO BLESSED and I AM SO THANKFUL for all that I have!

My older sister, Katie, is having a baby practically any day now, but for sure on October 5th. Every time I think about what it is going to be like to welcome her sweet baby boy into this world I tear up. Isn't it strange how I can love some one so much and I have never seen his face and I don't even know what his name will be. But I all ready now that I would do anything for him and that I love him more than words can even express.

When Katie told me she was pregnant I had a lot of mixed emotions and I didn't quite know how to react. I was so excited for this new nephew to come into our lives, but at the same time I was a little sad. It can be hard some times to see other people all around me having the things that I want so badly. The last year has been so hard for me in more ways than I can even talk about, but through it all I have learned the lesson that there is a time and a season for all things. Right now my job is to finish school and enjoy that accomplishment. My job is to keep developing my talents and establishing a career. My job is to love Ava and teach her the things that will bring her the most happiness in the world. And most importantly my job right now is to be a worthy temple recommend holder so that when the time is right for me I will be able to enter the temple and create an eternal family. Then it will be my turn to have more babies. Until that time, I am extremely blessed to share in the happiness of the babies my sister is bringing into the world. And when the time is right, she in turn, will help me love mine too.

Just a glimpse.....

2009-09-10T22:48:00.006-06:00

I am just a little sad that I haven't blogged a little more about all of the interesting things that I learn in school. I am sorry that I have been keeping some of the seriously great bits of information from you all! I have really learned some great stuff, I mean really great stuff. I have a really tough semester ahead of me, I won't lie, but I have decided that I am going to get through it some way. So, I am going to look for the good amidst all the chaos. That being said I am going to share what has been my favorite part of the semester so far (lucky you!). I am taking writing 2010 this semester (and I think you all should know that I am the OLDEST person in my class, and I would be surprised if my teacher is more than 2 years older than me, in fact I may just be older than him). My first assignment is to write a rhetorical analysis on the 2005 Kenyon College Commencement Address by David Foster Wallace. You can find it here, read it! I found it to be inspiring and a source of inspiration for every person. I love it when a teacher assigns reading that I can really get into and appreciate and relate to it on a personal level. THAT my friends is the BEST part of being a full time seeker of knowledge. I want to share just a few parts that really struck me and spoke to me:

"learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. it means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed."

and this one is really good: "The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day. That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing."

I LOVED THIS LAST QUOTE! I felt like it spoke to the very core of what has really given my life meaning. I know who has taught me the essence of this kind of freedom.......

Have you learned this lesson yet? Who gave you the gift of experiencing "freedom"?

Soccer.....

2009-09-03T18:19:00.007-06:00

Ava has started soccer again, and if I do say so myself, she has the most stylin soccer uniform EVER! What do you think?

I know, I know........

2009-09-01T21:22:00.002-06:00

Yes, I am terribly aware that I am so far behind on updating you all on the excitement of my life! And boy is it ever exciting, but you will have to keep waiting. Why? Because I started school last week and I am in the middle of my I just started school and I feel like the stupidest person in the world mode. And I am wondering how I am ever going to survive this semester with my sanity, and I am grouchy, and I feel like crying, and we started soccer, and I have a young women's calling and I have to teach the combined lesson this week which causes me much anxiety, and I am frustrated with my online statistics class cause my lab book is not in stock yet and the class website is not working correctly, and...... and..... and.... my pity party list could go on and on and on. Do you get the point? To sum it up, right now I pretty much feel like a walking headache. So I am going to take probably more tylenol PM than a girl should (don't take this part seriously, I am only taking 3) and hope for some much needed sleep because the last two nights have been spent tossing and turning and tossing and turning and Ava up crying because of bad dreams. Wish me luck people, it is going to be a wild ride!

Another year......

2009-08-26T22:02:00.013-06:00

I am officially 28 today...........

I am not quite sure how I feel about this but here are a few of my thoughts on the subject:

After today I only have 1 twenty something birthday left

I am glad to be done with year 27 of my life, it was not my favorite year

I don't feel like I am 28 90% of the time and it kinda freaks me out that maybe I should act more "grown up"

The good thing about growing older is that I feel more comfortable with who I am and where I have been.

I am kinda like a fine wine..... I just get better with time! (that was supposed to be funny, just in case you took me seriously)

I had a great day! I got up this morning and had the greatest massage. It was just what I needed :) After that I made a quick stop at Express (one of my most favorite places), had a great lunch at Happy Sumo with my Dad and TR. After that I went to Katie's where she had 6 gourmet cupcakes waiting for me. They are delicious!!!!!! She also got me the most awesome purse EVER! Seriously I have been wanting a purse like the one she got for months and months. I will post some pictures of it in the very near future. Then Sharon and I went to the Bountiful temple together, awesome :) Next stop was the Texas Roadhouse with Sharon, Brad and Tyler. The joke of the night was wether or not I was going to take a ride in the saddle, but I was off the hook cause Tyler was in pain from his recent knee surgery. Now, I am sitting very contently on my coach eating really cute and delicious cupcakes drinking a diet Dr. Pepper and watching Sex in the City....... What more could a girl ask for? Other than hugs and cuddles from Ava, nothing. I am perfectly content and I am so excited to be starting a new year! I have some goals that I am really excited about, more about that to come :) Thanks to everyone who helped make me feel loved today. I am very blessed :)

Stay tuned for updates from our trip to California last week......

StArGiRl = GirLs CaMp 2009

2009-08-01T18:51:00.042-06:00

I had the privilege of being able to go to girls camp this past week and it was truly AMAZING (big thanks to Katie for watching Ava for me!) Camp is supposed to be for the growth of the girls, but I took so much away from camp this year. I feel like it was just what I needed at this particular time in my life. Our camp "theme" was Stargirl, based from the book Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. If you have a daughter in her teenage years or approaching those years I definitely recommend this book! It is a quick and easy read and it is the best book. We have urged the girls to be as constant as the north star and to be a Stargirl in their own ways. We went to Park City for the week and stayed in the Mountainside Marriott so it wasn't very "campish" but boy oh boy was it fun! We had an activity on budgeting followed by some shopping at the outlets, movie nights, pool time, we went on a beautiful hike, went to the olympic park, did the zipline and the alpine slide, we had a pedicure and manicure night complete with paraffin wax and just spent time together having fun, strengthening our friendships and our testimonies. I came home feeling energized, happy, and motivated to try a little harder to be more like my Savior. Here is my week in pictures......
Waiting with some of the girls on Tuesday morning

Helping put away some of the groceries. Camille was in charge of the menu and she did an AMAZING job!
Me with some of the girls at the start of the hike

Me and Dana...... I don't look too excited :)
Everyone just hanging out at the waterfall at the end of our hike

All of the girls..... I love this picture! They are all so beautiful and unique.

God not only knows the names of all the stars; he knows your names and all you heartaches and your joys! - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

All the leaders (that were at camp). I love these women! They each inspire me and teach me so many things. On the drive home from the hike my brakes went out at the bottom of the hill. While coming to a stop at the bottom of the hill were we would turn onto the highway I noticed that I was pushing the pedal down as hard as I could and that I just wasn't slowing down as quickly as I need to. I don't know how but I was able to remain calm and just pulled my emergency brake and came within inches of hitting the car in front me. My mind was racing. I could smell the burnt rubber smell of brakes once I stopped. There was a split second were I wondered if there was really a problem or what I should do. Then the thought came into my mind that I was not to pull out onto that busy road followed by a warm comforting feeling. Two men pulled up beside me and asked what the problem was, I told them that my brakes had gone out. The pushed us to turn out on the side of the road and advised me that they had probably just gotten too hot and that if I waited for a bit they would probably work again. Dan and Ginny turned around and came back to help. I ended up being able to drive home safely and all ended well.

In the bobsled at the olympic park. I really really want to go ride the bobsled they have at the olympic park. It has been added to my "to do" list.
Me and Dana on the alpine slide
Me and Eva on the zipline.... it was so much fun!
More zipline.....

A foot rub from Eva!
Quality time spent in the hot tub :)
Time for some star gazing......We had a couple from our ward bring their telescope up the last night and teach us a little astronomy lesson. I loved this part of camp! We got to look at the moon and see all the craters as well as Jupiter. I have never had the experience of doing this before and I thought it was awesome :)

Without the dark, we would never see the stars

Nap time with Kallie

And last but not least the fight over a jar of Nutella which were all just eating by the spoon full..... Definitely good times!

As you can see it was quite the adventure! The new song on my blog is from camp! Listen to the words, it is a great song!

"Always remember you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars" Harriet Tubman

What can I say? I've been a slacker

2009-07-19T23:42:00.002-06:00

I have totally neglected my blog! There has been so much excitement to share with the world, and I have totally neglected to do it. So, just I can feel somewhat accomplished I am posting a picture. Enjoy! and maybe one of these days I will feel ambitious enough to give the whole update. Happy summer :)

Gum Bubbles!

2009-06-29T16:43:00.004-06:00

Last week Ava and I spent in Island Park Idaho with my Mom, Rod, Becca and Nick and had such a blast! We took lots of pictures and I will post some on Wednesday when my Mom and Becca come back into town. So for now, just some cute pictures of me and Savannah. Saturday afternoon Savannah and I spent some quality time seeing who could blow the biggest bubble with their gum. It was so much fun! It has been awhile since I have spend some one on one time with Savannah, she has grown up so much lately! I am so lucky to be her auntie :)

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T22:04:00.002-06:00

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you very much and I am so very grateful for all that you have given me and taught me through out my life. You are a wonderful Dad and Grandpa!

I love Summer!

2009-06-19T16:19:00.004-06:00

Ava and Tyler driving the boat! She was pretty excited about this, especially cause Tyler let her honk the horn while she was driving. She was just beaming! On another note, I tried to get her in the tube today and she screamed bloody murder! We have some work to do on the actually getting in the water part of boating.

All I can say is that I have LOVED being home the past 6 weeks. It is so great to be home with my girl all day long. Yes, there are trying times when I wish that I could just have a break for a few hours, but more than not I am loving spending this time with her. I feel so very blessed to have the opportunity to just be at home with her this summer. I am trying to make the best of everyday because I know it just may be the last time I just get to be home with my girl. I only have one class this summer on Tuesday night so my school load is very small, which I am loving, especially because I managed to save all the "harder" no fun classes for my last semester :(. This last week we have gone on a few walks, we went to the Children's Museum, Kangaroo Zoo, and today was spent at the lake. Next week we are headed to Island Park with my Mom and her crew. So excited for that! I have been reading like a crazy woman and have made a good dent in the stack of must reads I have been collecting for the past 18 months! Ava is leaving next week to spend the week at her Dad's, this is the only time she will be gone before I start school, so I need to think of a few "adventurous" things to do while she is away. Life feels pretty good right now!

How much do you like fry sauce?

2009-06-17T09:39:00.004-06:00

Fry sauce is most definitely a "utah thing", but is pretty good. But do you think it is good enough to just drink it right out of the cup? My nephew Luka sure does! He loves to dip his food in any kind of sauce actually, but this particular day dipping wasn't enough so he just picked the cup up and poured it straight into his mouth! On Monday Katie and I decided to meet up for lunch with the kids at Carls Jr. for some lunch. Luka was only dipping his fries and then sucking off the fry sauce. Katie told him to start talking some bites. He obediently took a bite of his fry, then got this disgusted look on his face, stuck out his tongue and wiped the fry off. Man I love that kid!

Memory Monday

2009-06-15T18:22:00.002-06:00

Can you believe this was 9 years ago?

Makin' me smile....

2009-06-13T11:12:00.004-06:00

How can you not smile when you see this?