So this last week in my child and adolescent development class we learned about how we develop self concept over the course of life. It was so interesting to see how at different ages we will describe ourselves so differently, very intriguing and thought provoking. I tested the book and asked Ava to describe herself, she was pretty right on with how the book said she would do it.... mostly describing her possessions and everyday activities. This is what she said " I like it when I am good and friendly at school. I went to Disneyland for my birthday and my favorite ride was Dumbo. I loved that ride so much. I love my mom and she takes care of me everyday. I role around in my sleep a lot and sometimes I fall out of bed. I have a Winnie the Pooh blanket that I have to sleep with or I cry. I like to go to the zoo and the movie theatre. I love my Grandma's and my Grandpa's. I like to hug my mom." I was cracking up the whole time she was listing of this stuff. It was all so random, but very interesting to hear the things that she identifies as being part of her.
So I have been thinking about what my self concept is. I have a hard time writing about me..... it feels hard to think about how to accurately describe just who I am. So, here is my concept of me........
See I am sitting here thinking how do I start.........
My name is Julie Clark, and obviously I have no middle name, it makes me special and unique. I am a Mother, a daughter, a sister, a student, an auntie, a friend and so much more! I consider my biggest strength to also be my biggest weakness. It is my heart. It is so big and wants to love everyone and help everyone. This has brought me much joy and much sorrow. I am just now trying to understand how to filter who I let into my heart and who to close it off to. I used to be a little more self conscious and shy, but lately I am coming out of my shell more and I am liking it. I can be very assertive at times and other times my mouth seems to stop working and usually it is when it comes time to express emotions. I hate crying in front of people, it makes me feel like such an idiot. I have a hard time letting people help me because I feel the need to constantly prove myself as capable. I am learning to ask for help and accepting it when offered. Every morning I wake up and live through one of my worst fears, so not much scares me. At the beginning of the semester my teacher had us go around the room and share what our dream job would be. Guess what I said? I said that I have my dream job, being a Mom. As far back as I can remember I have wanted to be a Mom and although it did not quite happen the way I pictured it, I am still a Mom and more days than not I love it.
I love hugs, the beach, trees, boots, blue jeans (I mean really really love blue jeans!), holding hands, boys (or at my age men), reading a good book (it is the best way to escape reality), kissing, pedicures, cheesecake, singing really loud in my car (it never fails to cheer me up or depending on the song it can give me a good excuse to cry like a fool), swimming, laughing (but who doesn't?), my family, anything that smells good, talking on the phone, driving (it calms me when I am stressed and helps me clear my mind), going to restaurants, being outside at night, the smell of rain, hangin with my sista's, the wind, the gospel of Jesus Christ, tulips, hot water, sunglasses, bracelets and earings(these are very new loves for me), fuzzy warm socks, my bathrobe (even though I feel like an old lady when I wear it), Cher, sleeping, flip flops, hot pink toe nail polish, lipstick, self portraits, and so many many more things!
I believe in love! I believe in never giving up or giving in. I am a fighter. I have so many dreams that I have never shared with anyone or that anyone would ever even guess at. I can only hope that I get to make them all come true. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I love music, but don't have a favorite "kind". You never know what you will get from me with music. I like to make people laugh and can be pretty silly some times, but very few people see this whole side of me. I can do the dinner scene from the Nutty Professor almost word for word, but only for my mom and sisters :) I love the movie Steel Magnolias, it is pretty much perfect in every way. I am still deciding what I want to be when I am done with school, there are just so many possibilities! But I guess I had better decide on something soon.
Everyday I learn more about myself! That is the beauty of life....... we can choose everyday what kind of person we want to become. Everyday is a fresh start and a clean canvas. We can live in the moment, create the moments we want to live in, choose happiness or sadness, make a difference or let some one make the difference for us.
I am simply complicated and I love being me!
