StArGiRl = GirLs CaMp 2009

I had the privilege of being able to go to girls camp this past week and it was truly AMAZING (big thanks to Katie for watching Ava for me!) Camp is supposed to be for the growth of the girls, but I took so much away from camp this year. I feel like it was just what I needed at this particular time in my life. Our camp "theme" was Stargirl, based from the book Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli. If you have a daughter in her teenage years or approaching those years I definitely recommend this book! It is a quick and easy read and it is the best book. We have urged the girls to be as constant as the north star and to be a Stargirl in their own ways. We went to Park City for the week and stayed in the Mountainside Marriott so it wasn't very "campish" but boy oh boy was it fun! We had an activity on budgeting followed by some shopping at the outlets, movie nights, pool time, we went on a beautiful hike, went to the olympic park, did the zipline and the alpine slide, we had a pedicure and manicure night complete with paraffin wax and just spent time together having fun, strengthening our friendships and our testimonies. I came home feeling energized, happy, and motivated to try a little harder to be more like my Savior. Here is my week in pictures......
Waiting with some of the girls on Tuesday morning

Helping put away some of the groceries. Camille was in charge of the menu and she did an AMAZING job!
Me with some of the girls at the start of the hike

Me and Dana...... I don't look too excited :)
Everyone just hanging out at the waterfall at the end of our hike

All of the girls..... I love this picture! They are all so beautiful and unique.

God not only knows the names of all the stars; he knows your names and all you heartaches and your joys! - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

All the leaders (that were at camp). I love these women! They each inspire me and teach me so many things. On the drive home from the hike my brakes went out at the bottom of the hill.  While coming to a stop at the bottom of the hill were we would turn onto the highway I noticed that I was pushing the pedal down as hard as I could and that I just wasn't slowing down as quickly as I need to.  I don't know how but I was able to remain calm and just pulled my emergency brake and came within inches of hitting the car in front me.  My mind was racing.  I could smell the burnt rubber smell of brakes once I stopped.  There was a split second were I wondered if there was really a problem or what I should do.  Then the thought came into my mind that I was not to pull out onto that busy road followed by a warm comforting feeling.  Two men pulled up beside me and asked what the problem was, I told them that my brakes had gone out.  The pushed us to turn out on the side of the road and advised me that they had probably just gotten too hot and that if I waited for a bit they would probably work again.  Dan and Ginny turned around and came back to help.  I ended up being able to drive home safely and all ended well.  

In the bobsled at the olympic park. I really really want to go ride the bobsled they have at the olympic park. It has been added to my "to do" list.
Me and Dana on the alpine slide
Me and Eva on the zipline.... it was so much fun!
More zipline.....

A foot rub from Eva!
Quality time spent in the hot tub :)
Time for some star gazing......We had a couple from our ward bring their telescope up the last night and teach us a little astronomy lesson. I loved this part of camp! We got to look at the moon and see all the craters as well as Jupiter. I have never had the experience of doing this before and I thought it was awesome :)

Without the dark, we would never see the stars

Nap time with Kallie

And last but not least the fight over a jar of Nutella which were all just eating by the spoon full..... Definitely good times!

As you can see it was quite the adventure! The new song on my blog is from camp! Listen to the words, it is a great song!

"Always remember you have within you the strength, the patience and the passion to reach for the stars" Harriet Tubman

What can I say? I've been a slacker

I have totally neglected my blog! There has been so much excitement to share with the world, and I have totally neglected to do it. So, just I can feel somewhat accomplished I am posting a picture. Enjoy! and maybe one of these days I will feel ambitious enough to give the whole update. Happy summer :)

Gum Bubbles!

Last week Ava and I spent in Island Park Idaho with my Mom, Rod, Becca and Nick and had such a blast! We took lots of pictures and I will post some on Wednesday when my Mom and Becca come back into town. So for now, just some cute pictures of me and Savannah. Saturday afternoon Savannah and I spent some quality time seeing who could blow the biggest bubble with their gum. It was so much fun! It has been awhile since I have spend some one on one time with Savannah, she has grown up so much lately! I am so lucky to be her auntie :)

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you very much and I am so very grateful for all that you have given me and taught me through out my life. You are a wonderful Dad and Grandpa!

I love Summer!

Ava and Tyler driving the boat! She was pretty excited about this, especially cause Tyler let her honk the horn while she was driving. She was just beaming! On another note, I tried to get her in the tube today and she screamed bloody murder! We have some work to do on the actually getting in the water part of boating.

All I can say is that I have LOVED being home the past 6 weeks. It is so great to be home with my girl all day long. Yes, there are trying times when I wish that I could just have a break for a few hours, but more than not I am loving spending this time with her. I feel so very blessed to have the opportunity to just be at home with her this summer. I am trying to make the best of everyday because I know it just may be the last time I just get to be home with my girl. I only have one class this summer on Tuesday night so my school load is very small, which I am loving, especially because I managed to save all the "harder" no fun classes for my last semester :(. This last week we have gone on a few walks, we went to the Children's Museum, Kangaroo Zoo, and today was spent at the lake. Next week we are headed to Island Park with my Mom and her crew. So excited for that! I have been reading like a crazy woman and have made a good dent in the stack of must reads I have been collecting for the past 18 months! Ava is leaving next week to spend the week at her Dad's, this is the only time she will be gone before I start school, so I need to think of a few "adventurous" things to do while she is away. Life feels pretty good right now!

How much do you like fry sauce?

Fry sauce is most definitely a "utah thing", but is pretty good. But do you think it is good enough to just drink it right out of the cup? My nephew Luka sure does! He loves to dip his food in any kind of sauce actually, but this particular day dipping wasn't enough so he just picked the cup up and poured it straight into his mouth! On Monday Katie and I decided to meet up for lunch with the kids at Carls Jr. for some lunch. Luka was only dipping his fries and then sucking off the fry sauce. Katie told him to start talking some bites. He obediently took a bite of his fry, then got this disgusted look on his face, stuck out his tongue and wiped the fry off. Man I love that kid!

Memory Monday

Can you believe this was 9 years ago?

Makin' me smile....

How can you not smile when you see this?

Happy Birthday Grammy!

Today is my Mom's Birthday. We wish that we could be with her to celebrate this special day, but we won't get to see her for a few more weeks. Here is Ava's rendition of Happy Birthday, she is quite the ham and can't seem to remember songs very well. We are working on it :)

Lagoon!

This is my favorite! Ava and Alex on the Tilt a Wirl. I think we went on this one like 5 times!

Cassidy, Alex and Ava! Aren't they the cutes friends!

More Tilt a Wirl fun!

Ava and Alex

Ava laughing on one of the rides! Isn't she too cute?

Love how big her smile is! We were seriously laughing so hard!

Ava playing in the fountain :)
I took Ava to Lagoon today, and I must admit I was pleasantly surprised!  I wasn't all that excited about going.  I haven't been to Lagoon since I was 12 so I had no idea what to expect at all.  There were so many fun rides that Ava could go on and she absolutely loved it!  She is quite the little dare devil and loved the "fast" rides.  When we met up with our friends Mandi and Alex she only wanted to go on rides with Alex and not me!  I was a little nervous watching her on some of the rides without me being right beside her.  Mandi and I also did the catapult and it was SO MUCH FUN!  We paid for the video but when I went back to get it they had lost it.  They refunded our money, but I was so sad to not get to see the video:(  I love the pictures of Ava on the rides, she would just laugh her head off.  I loved seeing her so happy!

I am taking it back.....

Everyone always says "time heals all wounds",  I even just said it on my blog about two months ago.  But, the last two weeks have changed my mind on this.  I don't believe that time HEALS anything.  I think it gives us the chance to change our perspective, to change our plans, to change our selves, or to replace what has been lost.  It is more like an anesthetic, it numbs the pain, rather than completely healing.  I don't know exactly how people heal from the heart brake we all encounter through this life.  I really have NO IDEA.  I think it is just a process that we all have to endure and that we have to give ourselves time to heal ourselves.  Time doesn't do the healing, we do it ourselves.  I thought I was doing a good job at getting better, and I really was.  I was happy, smiling, singing in the car again, and I was just feeling great.  But the last few weeks it has all hit my like a truck again.  It makes me feel so stupid that I feel this way, but I do.  The pain in my chest has made its presence fully known and I feel, once again, like I am drowning in it again.  I have officially lost all faith that time will heal me.  

Kind of Random, but I liked it!

There is no hiding what you are. Day you try, is the day you die. Stand tall, smile bright, and let em wonder what secret's making you laugh.

Chuck E Cheese

Ava has been asking for weeks and weeks for me to take her to Chuck E Cheese. So last Friday I took her and I must admit that it was actually pretty fun. I love this picture of us too! I miss her so much, and can't wait until Saturday morning when I get to pick her up and love on her :) This trip has been high anxiety for me and I just can't wait to know that she is home safe and sound.

CHER! CHER! CHER!

This weekend was so much fun!!!! I went to Vegas to see Cher.  This may seem a little strange to some, but seriously I LOVE CHER!!!!  Everything about her, her music, her sass, her crazy half way naked clothes and even crazier wigs.  I just love it.  She is the definition of Diva, at least in my book.  I was planning to do Vegas in style all by myself, but I was lucky enough to have Sharon join me!  We had so much fun.  My Dad put us up in an awesome suite at the Venetian, nicest hotel room I have ever stayed in!  We ate yummy food, played a little Roulette, ate more food, laid by the pool, watched a really good movie (I think it was called 12 Rounds, you should see it, it was a good flick), shopped, and of course saw Cher!!!!!!  All I can say is that it did not disappoint!  She came down from the very top of the Colosseum decked out in sparkly, shiny, gold, spectacular gaudiness from head to toe!  I loved it!  Her show was none stop and she wore a different out fit for every single song.  My words could never do it justice, really.  This may sound dramatic, but it was really a dream come true for me to see Cher.  Years ago when she did her "last show"  I was so sad that I would never get to see her, so when I heard she was in Vegas I just had to go.  Did I mention that I loved it?!?!?!


As we were walking through the airport to come home last night I kept doing my version of the skip walk Cher did at the concert, and I seriously do it just as good as she does, Sharon was busting up! She said "I have been waiting for Julie to come to Vegas all weekend, and now she shows up right when we were leaving!" It was pretty funny. I guess I was being a little quieter than my usual self. But it was so great to get away from "life" for a few days. And did I mention that I LOVE CHER?!?!?!

Fun! Fun! Fun!

It has been so great to have some time off!  I have enjoyed being home with my girl, and I think she is enjoying it as well.  I bought her a new bike last week and she was thrilled!  She has spent tons of time playing outside with her bike and her friends!  I am also happy to announce that I got a 99% on the final that cause me so much stress!  WOO HOO!!!! So happy that turned out well. Not all of my grades for the semester have been posted but as of right now I have a 3.49 GPA, which I will not complain about :)  Life is Good!

My Mother.....

I should have done this last night, but by the time we got home from a long day I had completely lost my mojo to do anything but lay on the couch. So I am wishing my Mother a late Happy Mothers Day! There is no body in the world quite like a Mother. She is my safe place in the world, the place I think of running to first when I need comfort and reassurance. There is nothing in this world that makes me feel better than I hug from her. She know just they way I like them, and she never pulls away first :) I don't think I ever fully appreciated my Mom until I was about to become one. It was then that I realized that she didn't know everything and that she wasn't perfect, but that her love for me was perfect and that is what made her the best Mom she could possibly be. Perfect, unconditional, eternal love. I have so many wonderful memories of my Mom. I remember her rocking me in the rocking chair in the very front room of the first house we lived in. She was the best Mom to have at bedtime. We had this long list of different kinds of kisses we would do every night and she would always sing me the most beautiful lullaby. I do some of those same kisses with Ava every night and we love it. The day before Ava was born we spent the whole day together, just hanging out and getting the last minute stuff ready. I was so scared that day, but having her there gave me the reassurance that everything would be all right, cause she was there and she would protect me. I knew that if she was there I could handle everything and that when the time came for me to break down she would hold me, and she did. I don't think I could have made it through that first week of being a Mother without her. She left me as prepared as I could have been, she even stocked my cupboards before she left. The most valuable thing my Mother has taught me is to never give up on people. She never ever gave up on me, even when she though I was a hopeless case. She never stopped loving me and when the time came she rescued. She new when the time was right and she was ready and waiting. She was the light that came to me in my darkest hour. She didn't judge me or tell me how stupid I had been, she just helped me get out, no questions asked. I spent a lot of time at her little house in Syracuse when I first moved here and I will cherish that time forever. I could not have asked for anyone better to leave my tiny new baby with than my Mom. When I came home from work everyday Ava was happy and smiling. I will never be able to repay my Mom for everything she has sacrificed and given to me. All I can do is promise to pay it forward with my own daughter (and hopefully future children). She has shown me just how to do it, and when things are getting crazy I try and put myself in her shoes and do things the way she would. I love you Mom!

Grandma Clark

What an amazing woman! Seriously, I don't think that there is anyone quite as amazing as my Grandma Clark. I will forever be inspired by her optimism and simple joy she had for life. I loved going to my Grandma's house to visit every summer. The drive to Utah felt like it took days! I loved when we would finally pull into her driveway and then run inside to hug and kiss her. Hugs were unlimited from her, which is a definite plus for me. I grew up in California, so we grew up far from family. But, there was one amazing year that my Grandparents came to live in Corcoran. I loved riding my bike to there apartment for a visit. She was a wonderful cook and I loved having Sunday dinner every week when they lived close by.I remember one summer day when I was probably 19 or 20 laying on her bed talking to her about some of the decisions I was making. I remember her just telling me do the right thing and I would be happy. It was as simple as that, do that right thing. I could see the look of sadness in her eyes because she new I wasn't planning to do the right thing, because at that phase in my life I would have never admitted to not knowing everything and doing the wrong thing felt so much easier than changing my life. I should have taken her advice that day, it would have saved me more heartache than I will probably ever know. My Grandma died this past November, and in death she taught me an invaluable lesson. I learned to never take the people we love for granted. I have lived in Utah for four years now and I wish with all my heart that I would have visited her more in that time. I think we all tend to get wrapped up in the busyness of life, and most of what we are busy with are not the most important things. She is gone now, and I can't just get in the car and drive up for an afternoon visit. I wish I would have done that more! Luckily for me, we have the blessing of being an eternal family, so one day, if I play my cards right, I will have the chance for more afternoon visits with her.

Grandma Harris....

Sunday is Mother's Day so I thought it would be fun to pay tribute to the wonderful women I have had in my life. I want to start with my sweet Grandma Harris. There never has been or ever will be another person like her in the world. I have many special memories of my sweet Grandma. I remember the long skirts she used to wear, the way should would always get down on the floor and play games with me for as long as I wanted, the tea parties she used to have for me and my cousins, her spunk, and mostly the love she had for me. My Grandma taught me one of the most valuable lesson in the world, and she probably doesn't even know it. My Grandma died almost exactly one month before Ava was born. We knew her time was limited so my Mom flew me out to Utah so I could say goodbye. We didn't think she would make it through the night so when my flight landed we went straight to the hospital. It was so overwhelming to walk into that hospital room and see her laying there looking so small and fragile in that big hospital bed. Well, she didn't die that night, she actually hung on for the rest of the week! But during that week my heart began to change. It was sitting there in that hospital room surrounded by my family that I realized how important all of those people were to me. I realized how important family is to me. It is hard to describe in words the feelings that I felt, but it was sitting there in that room that I really started to know what I had to for the baby girl that would soon be entering my world. I knew that I wanted her to grow up surrounded by the love that I felt in that room. I knew that she needed to grow up with knowing her family and that my best chance at giving her a family would be to move to Utah. I fought that feeling for some time, but eventually I mustered up the courage to do it. So, my Grandma's most valuable lesson to me was the importance of family. The importance of being here for each other, no matter the choices we make. The last time I really saw my Grandma, before she was dying, she took both of my shoulders in her hands, and with tears in her eyes, told me I needed to come home and let my family help me. I will never forget that! It is my belief that she and Ava spent one precious month together and that my Grandma told her to bring me home. I think a little of her spunk must have rubbed off on Ava. I miss my Grandma Harris so much! She was an amazing, beautiful women for which I feel lucky to have known.

This......

is what I wish we could do tomorrow.......

I am almost done with the semester!!! This week has been exhausting and stressful to say the least. Since Sunday I have written 3 papers, taken 4 exams, read way too much material to make sense of, and all with limited sleep, because when I sleep I dream about finding sources to back up my opinions and rehearse material have been studying. All I can say is, is that kind of sleep is not very restful. I had what I thought was going to be my easy final this morning. I read over the simple study guide my professor posted and basically it was if you have completed all the assignments you should have no problems on the exam. Piece of cake, because I was very diligent in completing every last one of those monotonous assignments! I arrived at the testing center a little early took one quick over the main point highlighted in my notes and with confidence began the test....

This is where things started to get a little out of control. I quickly cruised through the multiple choice and true false question with out any problems. Then there was a place on the test for a key with a hypothesis of what I was supposed to be analyzing and there was no information to analyze. No graph. No chart. No scatterplot. NOTHING! I looked through the rest of the test to find the same results, nothing to analyze! I was sitting there feeling a little like this......

except in a quiet, hot and stuffy room with about 15 other people. I seriously wanted to just start crying. All I could think was, what the crap is happening right now. Did I miss something really important on the study guide that said I needed to memorize the number of women who are against abortion, and how many women were polled, and the list can go on and on. All I could of was how I was going to lose my A grade in this class and that all the house of analyzing those stupid graphs would be worthless if I did not get and A in this class. I wanted to go ask the proctor if there was a possibility that she neglected to give me part of the test, but when I went in she told me that if I left the room I was done with the test. I was seriously starting to sweat. Then the proctor came in and I waved her over, she took me out with her but she had no help for me. The test was what she had, and that was all she could do for me. I was pissed, to say the least. I went back in and just started filling in answers from what I could remember from doing the assignments, literally fighting back tears the whole time. I felt so silly for feeling so emotional over a grade, but I don't want to just jump through hoops and end with a C average, I want A's. 

Luckily about 5 long minutes of suffering the proctor came back for me. What she said was music to my ears! She had just received an email that there were problems with the test. YES! I then talked to the guy from the main campus testing center and tried to communicate exactly what the problems were, he then called my professor and we got the problem solved. It took about 30 minutes of waiting, but I got the right test! After that is was a literal breeze! But seriously I was freaking out! When I got to my car all I could do was sit there and cry. Everything that I have been carrying around me just came out and I cried.

I cried because it was over!

I cried because I am now one step closer to being done. Done with this crazy semester and done with school.

I cried because I am one step closer to being the person I want my Ava to know

I cried because everyday when she wakes up Ava asks if we can just stay home together

I cried because I am lonely and feel like that part of my life is never going to end

I cried because I question whether or not I can really do this, and because I am afraid of failing

I cried because I wished that I could finish me last final, come home and back my bags and go to Hawaii again

I cried because I know I have to let that dream go, and doing that hurts like hell

I cried because I don't want to feel so broken anymore 

I cried because on Tuesday morning Ava told me she was proud of me and that i was the best Mom and she loved me, and that makes all of the crap I have to deal with worth it!

I cried because I just need a hug from my Mom because nothing makes me feel better than her hugs when I feel the way I do now

Craziness......

I think these pictures pretty much sum up the way I feel today, and yesterday and will feel tomorrow and pretty much everyday this week. Finals week!!!! Pray for me people and hopefully all will be said and done by Friday afternoon at 2........


One last thought....... my arms look giant in these pictures!