Disneyland!

Yesterday we celebrated Ava’s birthday at the happiest place on earth, Disneyland! We had a blast! Tricia and Lola met us there and we partied all day. Ava requested the teacups for her first ride, followed with all the rest of my favorites, Dumbo, the Carousel, Alice in Wonderland, Pirates….. The list goes on and on! We went to lunch at The Rainforest Café in downtown Disney where Ava was sung Happy Birthday! She later said that was here favorite part. You should have seen the look on her face when all the clapping and singing people showed up to our table! It was priceless. She just beamed the whole time they sang!
I have never seen the firework show at Disney before and it definitely did not disappoint! It was amazing, and I loved every second of it! Fireworks are one of my favorite things, and the music and the princess castle all lit up just made them even better. They had different parts of the show to go along with different Disney movies and attractions; Tinker Bell even flew above the castle! I think that was Ava’s favorite part. My shoulders and neck will probably ache for days from holding her on them during the show. It was such a fun day! I am so glad that I was able to take her.

P.S. Pictures from her party on Friday coming soon...........

Update!

Well, I have been meaning to post for days and days but I just can't seem to muster the energy! I think that after my post last week I took a turn for the worst for a few days. BUT I think that I am coming around the bend so to speak! Yes, I am still sad and aching but I am still moving and have not curled up into the ball. I have had a variety of emotions the last week and a half. It has been quite the roller coaster ride! I am so grateful to the people who have been here for me in so many ways. I can't even begin to tell you about the loving arms I have felt around me, physically and spiritually.

I think I have watched Hope Floats everyday this week! It is the best movie to watch when feeling depressed, at least in my opinion. There are some great words of wisdom in there and the music is great. Here are just a few of my favorite lines:

"Crying over it won't make it clean."
"Go out there and get the stink blown of you!"

I guess that is what you could say I am going to try and do, get the stink of this blown off! I have put my dating profile back online and this time around has been different. I am finding a few people to be quite forward and not wasting anytime with getting to the point. I have gone on two dates! I don't know if I am really ready for this or not but either way I am doing it. Some one told me that sometimes we just have to move on physically and let our emotions catch up. That is exactly what I am doing. Even though I feel broken, I am physically moving past it. Putting on my game face and moving. The first date was all right. Met a guy at Starbucks just to meet and talk. It was good conversation and just that for now. I cried when I got home, but I went and for a minute tried to forget the way I was really feeling

Today was the first day I have not cried in 11 days! I made it the whole day! And I went on my date number 2 and I can actually say that I had fun. Fun that included smiling and a little laughing. Went to a BYU basketball game and then home. I Tomorrow I can promise a much happier post. It is Happy Birthday celebrating at my house since Ava is going to be at her Dad's on the actual day. So tomorrow I will wake up, put on my game face, and create a magical day for my girl!

Before I go just one more quote from Hope Floats. It is the last little part of the movie and I love it and feel like it is just what I am trying to do: Giving hope a chance to float up!

"Mamma always said beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up and it will too."

A new chapter........

This is my blog and it is just my small place in the world to share myself. Many people use there blogs for different reasons. I have decided that I want mine to share the story of my journey. Not just parts of it, but ALL of it. Not because I think that any one else might find it important but because I do and because some day my daughter will too. There are so many things that I want to teach her and I think that one day reading these stories will help her to know a side of me that she might not otherwise see. So from now on I will not sensor the bad from the good because life does not work that way. Hopefully my experiences might touch some one else either by making them smile, laugh, cry, or feel stronger in some way. So here it goes........ this is my story!
As you all know I am a single mom. It is amazing and heart wrenching at the same time. I want so much for my daughter to have what is considered a "normal" family. So at the beginning of this year I decided it was time to put myself out there. You know, out there into the scary world of dating. Dating is exhausting to say the least! But seriously people, while I know that Ava and I can be happy and fulfilled with just the two of us life is too wonderful not to spend it with some one!
It took a little time but finally I had some interested fellows. It was all in place the big first date in over a year. And guess what happened......... he didn't show up. Yep I got stood up! I think it was one of the most humiliating things that has ever happened to me. I was all dressed for a night out on the town and was left sitting there alone. I was discouraged and I was ready to just give up. Who wants to willingly subject themselves to rejection like that. It can be quite devastating to ones self esteem. I sat and contemplated what my next move would be. My hasty decision would have been to just walk away and quit. But I didn't. I decided that finding love would be worth taking some blows to my ego.
The next day I wrote a message to a boy. It started out casual and then grew into something much bigger. I would wake up every morning with the anticipation of seeing his name on the inbox of my email and then I would read his words (most of the time more than once). I can't really explain it cause it just sounds crazy, but I feel like every word spoke to my heart. I fell for this boy, I fell hard. And as all my faithful readers now I went to Hawaii and met him. I kept all of the quiet for some time because I didn't want to share any news too hastily. He was all I imagined him to be and then some. He came home to Utah soon after that and we just couldn't get enough of each other. Having him love me back made me happiest I have been a really really long time.
I thought for sure my dreams were coming true, that finally my prayers were being answered. Turns out I was wrong. On Sunday that boy walked out of my life. The reasons don't really matter, but all the same there were two girls left sitting on the front porch in tears. Tears that have lasted for days now. So today I am sad. Even though the word doesn't seem to do what I am feeling justice any other word just sounds dramatic. So sad it is and sad I am. So sad that putting on a fake smile for the sake of my beautiful Ava hurts. So sad that I have shed tears multiple times in public (don't judge me! and those of you who really know me know that any show of emotions in public like this is always avoided at all costs). So sad that I sat on the couch with a pound of fudge in front of me last night and I didn't even eat on bite. So sad that even my i pod offered no comfort. I will probably be sad for a long time. But the point is, is that I know I will be okay. Because I know that the heart of life is good and that one day when some thing is really funny I will laugh and that it won't hurt.
So if you are wondering what I will do next here is the answer. I am going to let myself be sad. I am going to get out of bed everyday and go through the motions and try to smile without hurting. I am going to jump back in the saddle again and find the guy for me. Because I know that he is out there waiting for me. Some one will love me the way that I need to be loved. I have faith in that! Send some good karma out into the universe for me! And of course any eligible bachelors my way because I am only getting older! LIfe is too short and I promise not cry on any dates! I will save that for after ;) I am going to do this most of all to teach my girl that when life knocks you down and you feel like curling up into a ball and not moving that you get up and move any way.

A must see.......

Go here and be inspired! It was truly the best part of my day today.

Just some thoughts.........

I know that I have not been very attentive to my blog lately. I guess it just seems like there is a storm raging in my life right now and I feel like I would be giving the wrong impression with "happy" posts. I was thinking yesterday about how sometimes my blog can give such a one sided version of my life and wether or not that makes me a liar. But in my pondering I decided that it is a great way to for me to focus and the daily things that do bring joy into my life, because while my life is not always "perfect" it is still happy. I think that it is important to share the good because it does give me a way to remember it. I feel like it is so easy to remember the hard things in life and that it is way to easy to forget the day to day things that make me smile or laugh. This quote was on a blog that I read everyday and I wanted to share it on my blog because it really struck home with me today!

"Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions"

Ava's first goal!

Makin me laugh.......

Ava is getting pretty good at saying her prayers without much guidance from me. She always wants me to get her started but then she kind of just takes off on her own. A couple of weeks ago I had a talk with her about sitting quietly before she starts praying to think about the things that were in her heart and what she wanted to talk to her Father in Heaven about. So last night while say her prayers she bless me to listen to her and do what she says! I burst out laughing and was immediately scolded for not being reverent. But seriously it was just so funny to me. I usually prompt her for help in being obedient and choosing the right, I guess she felt I needed a little help in listening to her. She never ceases to keep thing interesting around here.

Just some cute pics!

Tyler and Ava

A few weeks ago we went to pine view for a night of boating with the young women. Tyler and Brad came up with the boat. Ava and Tyler has fun covering each other up in the grass. Tyler is always so good to Ava and plays with her whenever we are all together. She adores him!

I'm gonna miss this!

I know that we are supposed to enjoy every stage of life for the good that each offers, but I can't help but feel a little sad. The summer has flown by so FAST! It has seriously been one of the best summers I have ever had. I think that I was able to spend more time being a "mom" this summer than I have had since Ava was just a tiny baby. I have really loved every minute of it. Last week were sitting in the living room eating lunch together at her princess table and the thought occurred to me just how precious those moments are. It is not very often that I get to spend the whole day from start to finish with my sweet girl. It was seriously the best gift that I could have been given this summer and I am truly grateful to the gift giver! I am so excited to be back in school and have a busy schedule again, but I know that I will always miss this time in my life one day too. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have to be going back to school. The way everything has just fallen into place is truly a miracle (at least in my eyes). There are definitely days when I wonder what the heck I am doing but I really know that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now. I just wanted to post a few pictures of some of the "highlights" of our summer since I was kind of a slacker with my blog this summer. For now I will try and enjoy each day for the good that it brings because I know that one day I will look back and miss it! There is a song by Trace Adkins that says exactly what I am feeling! Here is the chorus:

Your gonna miss this, your gonna want this back
Your gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times, so take a good look around.
You may not know it now but your gonna miss this.

Check this out!

I have decided to copy Katie and my Mom and take the picture a day challenge. Yes, I know it is not January but in my early 20's I decided that I would set new goals for myself on my birthday every year. So, if you want check out A Day In My Life go HERE

Happy Day!

My cute new book shelf!


Ava and Elomy (Emily)


Look at that serious look on her face!

I am 27 today! I feel a little old, but still in my twenties so its all good for a few more years at least! We went out and celebrated my birthday last night with dinner at Benihana's. Sharon rounded up the whole family and it was so fun to be with everyone! Ava was very impressed with having her dinner cooked right there in front of her. They even had special chop stick for kids! I even got the special singing that come with Benihana! They have a big drum and a tamberine they beat while they sing to you (Katie and Carly can laugh about this!) and I even got my picture taken. We had a good laugh cause it looks like I was all alone for dinner in the picture. We came back to my house for my all time favorite, lemon sour cream pie from Marie Calendars. Ava has now requested that we go there for her birthday, she was very impressed! Thank you Sharon and Brad for making it such a special night! Now I am off to school - I have class from 9 - 3:30 today and I am actually very excited about it. I have some really good classes this semester!

Where does she get it from?

Most of you who really know me know that I am not one who loves cleaning. As a child I used to tell people I was allergic to work (meaning house work). I am messy and not so organized when it comes to keeping things tidy. I am getting better and learning that if I stay on top of things I can keep my house clean. Ava on the other hand doesn't mind helping out. She loves to wash mirrors, mop and vacuum. There has even been tear shed over me not letting her vacuum long enough! I had to laugh yesterday when she brought all her shoes out to the living room, lined them all up and proceeded to clean every pair! She even resorted to scrubbing some of them in the sink with soap and a scrub brush. I don't know what gave her this idea but I know it was all her own because she has never once seen me do it. She never ceases to amaze me!

My cute girl!

Ava and I got to go boating twice this week! Ava was nervous about getting in the boat the first time and said she wouldn't do it. But, we got her in the boat and she LOVED it! Bryan (chris brother) let her drive the boat, you should have seen the smile on her face! I was so sad I did not bring the camera on the boat :( I did get one of her driving with Brad though!

Ava's home!

Ava got home last night after a two week stay in California. It is so nice to have her home! Her plane came in 20 minutes late so I was very anxious by the time she was in my arms. She was actually happy to be home and didn't cry this time. Last time I picked her up from her Dads she cried in the air port for almost an hour. After picking her up we wen to Katie's so she could see her cousins. That is always the first thing she asks to do when she gets home. It is always so cute to see how excited they all are to see each other again. After we wen to Katie's we went to neilsens for some ice cream. By the time we left Chris and Ava were dunking their fingers in their ice cream and trying to get it on each others face! Then Chris taught Ava how to catapult her ice cream off her spoon! It was a fun night and it is so nice to hear her cute little voice in the house again. I miss you so much when she is away!

River Trip

Katie and Ryan go on a river trip every summer with a group from Ryan's work. This summer they invited Becca, Nick, Chris and I to come along for the fun.  We had a blast!  It was so much fun to be with my sisters and create more memories together.  I look forward to any time that we get to spend together and have a good time and we always manage to have the BEST time together!  We all took a turn throwing each other off the raft.  Katie and I went in twice together, I got Becca three times (she never got me back either!), Nick pushed Ryan over board and Ryan managed to push me and Chris in.  We cliff jumped, and got a good laugh when Ryan got dumped out of his duckie and we had to rescue him. Thanks Katie and Ryan for such a fun weekend!

Lesson on Love

Love.  It is a strange thing.  I don't think there is one way to really define it.  There are many types of love we experience through the course of our lives.  There is the love you feel for your friends, your neighbors, your family, your children, your spouse.  There are the emotions of "falling" in love and being totally consumed by love.  There are just so many wonderful ways that we can experience the emotion of love through the course of a lifetime.  There is one very specific moment in my life were I really feel like I new what love was.  Ya know the kind of love that is enduring, requires sacrifice on behalf of another, is completely unconditional, and lasts truly for a life time.  I will take you back to the day.  August 10, 2002.

This is the day my niece Savannah was born.  I was living in Long Beach at the time and was not going to miss this event for anything in the world.  My sister was scheduled to be induced that day so I started the drive that morning.  I barely made the big event.  She was born way faster than I anticipated.  I ran into the room just in time to be apart of such a beautiful day.  The thing that stands out to me the most about this day is the spirit I felt that day.  It was a gift, because I was so not worthy of it.   A gift that will always hold a special part of my heart.  I just remember watching my sister and thinking that she was the most amazing person I knew.  I went home that night and of course couldn't sleep, but I remember laying there are thinking, WOW that is what love is.  Love at first sight. The love between a mother, father and there child.  The first look that you will never in your lifetime forget.  There is just no adequate way to truly describe it!  Today that special girl turned six!  I can't believe it.  I have had the experience this love twice since the first time six short years ago. But still today Savannah is so very special to me.  There is nothing like a niece and I love Savannah to death.  Happy Birthday sweet girl!  I love you.

Finally ready to go public.......

I have the best news and for some reason I have taken way to long to share it!  I met some one! We met online in February and emailed everyday until we met in person in May.  Remember the trip to Hawaii?  Well..... pretty much the reason for that was to meet Chris.  He was living there waiting to be discharged from the military and I grew impatient with not knowing for sure when he would be back in Utah so one day I jokingly asked Sharon if she wanted to go to Hawaii.  She caught me off guard by saying yes.  We were able to find a price that was right and went.  So we saw it each other twice while I was in Hawaii.  It was so exciting to finally meet him, and yes a little nerve racking too.  Chris came home, to utah, two weeks after I got back from Hawaii and the rest is pretty much history.  I felt like I was in love with him before we actually met, but now I know for sure.  It was so weird to be feeling those emotions without having ever been in the same room with someone, but I was just so drawn to him.  Ava loves him and he is great with her!  I could not have imagined that relationship to be any better. So....... life is wonderful!  I am happier than ever and feel like my life is a little more complete with every passing day.  Ava has take all the pictures of us together so they are not the best but you can still tell how cute he is!

Memory Lane!

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together.  It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!  (Ade or Josh)

2.  Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you.  It's actually pretty funny to see the responses.  If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.  If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

EVERYBODY PLAY!  I want to see what memories are out there!

Girls Camp!

I have not been a blog slacker on purpose! I went to girls camp last week!  It was so much fun and I feel so lucky to have been able to go (thanks to Katie watching Ava).  The theme was H.E.A.R.T.S for hear the Savoir.  Everything was amazing.  It was stake girls camp so we went to Piuta.  Each ward had there own them to go with the HEARTS theme and we were the Cardia Crew.  Our camp director did an AWESOME job.  We all had matching scrubs that we wore up there the first day. We had badges with our pictures on them, our own Dr. name (mine was Dr. Jules, original, right?), we could write prescription for people and take them to a pharmacy to be filled (with candy of course, the best medicine) and IV's hanging by our beds!  It was so nice to just get away from the hustle and bustle of the world for a few days and grow closer to the cute girls, the leaders and of course to my Heavenly Father.  Every morning there was early morning seminary and the lessons were amazing.  They were all on the parable of the ten virgins and how we need to be prepared and make sure that we have enough oil in our lamps.  The last night some of the youth leaders did an amazing program about the parable and each sang beautiful songs.  It was definitely a testimony growing experience.  I managed to sleep to most of the party that took place all night every night and even got a nap in everyday!  And of course the best part was the camp fire every night and toasting marsh mellows.  I have been craving that little treat for quite some time now!  Yes, I was a complete slacker and didn't take any pictures worth posting :(  All though it was nice to get home it was even nicer to get home!

This was my favorite spiritual thought from camp

Therefor look gently on men

And even more gently on women.

Do not condemn them.

Above all consider not merely what they have done, 

but why.

God alone has the power to look into the human heart,

to judge actions and motives and regrets.

He alone knows not only what one has done and why,

But what one has resisted doing and why-

Man's responsibility is to forgive: only God has

the authority to judge.

-Robert Burns