What I think about while running......

This year I wanted my goals to center around self discipline and mind over matter. Basically I wanted to do something that would help me realize my strength and my ability to do things that are personally hard for me. I want to overcome some of my weaknesses in a way that is visible to me and will improve my self worth. One of those goals is to run a half marathon. The big day is June 4th. So, obviously I am having to make preparations.
Katie is taking on this task with me (it is her second time, and she is way faster than me so I will be running alone, but it will be comforting to know she is just a little ahead of me). We have been going to the rec center a few mornings a week for our "short" runs. I love to get a treadmill on the third floor because I can see the temple while I run. For some reason I just like to be able to look at it. It just brings me comfort.
A few weeks ago I got on the treadmill and looked up to see and I couldn't see it. It had snowed the night before and the temple was blending in with the snow covered mountains. Once I had found it I started to think about how this experience was a perfect example of what happens in life sometimes. There have been times in my life where I lose focus. Times when it seems easier to focus on things that I want right now and don't have. Times were I can't see the "big picture". Times when I forget about what should be the most important focus in my life. Times when I forget to set my focus on the temple. I thought about how I don't want to ever go through a time in my life that includes not having my path lead to the temple. Why? Because I know, without a doubt, that the most important thing I can do on this earth is be worthy of the blessings that come from the temple. The most important thing for me is to be worthy and ready when the time comes for me to take Ava there and become an eternal family. I don't know when the way for that will be prepared, but I do know that if I do everything I need to do to be worthy, the day WILL come. The hard part is accepting that it is not on my time, it is on the Lords time. That is the hard part. I need to have patience and faith.
Today when I was running outside on the trail, I looked over and saw the temple and the most amazing feeling of peace of comfort washed over me. Peace to know that I will be all right. Ava will be all right. My family and the people I love the most in this world will be all right. Everything will be all right, but I just have to let go and let God do things in his way. Even more importantly I have to have faith that He will make everything all right. And I know He will, because His plan is perfect.

Adversity.....

This quote has been on my mind a lot lately. It if from one of my most favorite books, Memoirs of a Geisha, and is probably the reason why that book is a favorite. The author sums up adversity perfectly, at least for me.

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
-- Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

It seems like every time I am going through some thing sad, heartbreaking, or just plain "hard" this quote comes into my mind, and while I am going through each particular trial I discover something that cannot be torn away from me. Right now I am learning that the love I have for my family is one of those things that cannot be torn from me. I love my parents, my sisters, my Ava, my niece and nephews no matter what. The best thing my parents ever gave me are my two sisters. They are my sunlight, and I don't think I could do life without them.

Its that time again.....

Ava had her first soccer game tonight. She jumped right back in and got 3 goals tonight. It is so fun to go watch her and see her get better every game!

Pierced Ears.....

We drove to Arizona to visit my Mom for the week and the first thing Ava wanted to do was get her ears pierced. My Mom was a good sport and took us right to the mall to get it done. Ava was pretty scared when we got there, but I told her before we left that once we were at the mall there would be no turning back. She did great! I was worried that she would scream bloody murder, but she didn't and only cried a little. Once it was done and the stinging had died down she was one happy girl.

Signing all the paper work. Starting to get nervous.....
Holding onto Mom's hands really tight. She was shaking so bad!
The first one is done!
She was a little more calm for the second one, but still pretty worried

All done....

I promise she was smiling after she was done crying :)

Just a few more from October

I finally got around to uploading the pictures from my camera last night and found a few cute ones from Ocotober. We hiked up to donut falls and had a great time! The kids loved exploring and eating a picnic after.


Ava was also VIP in October. She made her poster all by herself and did a cute job. She was so excited to have the spot light for the whole week. I had to work so I wasn't able to go to her class, but Katie was sweet enough to fill in for me. She did a great job! Here is what Ava wanted her class to know about her:

Favorite color: Blue and Pink
Favorite food: Corn on the cob and watermelon
Favorite cartoon: Curious George
Favorite Movie: Father of the Bride 2
Ava's Favorite things to do are: play with her cousins, dance, play dolls, ride her bike and her scooter and reading books. Ava loves to do art and is very good at it. She likes to help her Mom make sugar cookies. She loves being in Kindergarten and making new friends.

Yes, I am still alive :)

I have been a very neglectful blogger for the last four months! Sorry to all my faithful followers. I am going to try and catch you all up on all the excitement we have had as of late:)

Starting with October......

Halloween was different for us this year. I work the 2:30 - 11:00 PM shift so I wasn't able to take Ava trick or treating. I was really bummed out about missing all the excitement until the big day arrived and it rained the whole two hours the kids were out. Thanks to my AMAZING bro in law who let Ava tag along for some cold, wet, fun. We had quite the dilemma with costumes for Ava this year. Her first costume pick was a Vampires, but my nephew Cooper wanted to be a Vampire and wouldn't hear of having a girl with the same costume. So, we compromised and Ava was a Vampires for our church party and lady bug for trick or treating. Sharon got some great shots of Ava in her Vampires costume. It was so funny to see her demeanor change when she got her costume and make up on. It was quite different than the usual princess routine, but still so much fun to get her all dressed up.





Sharon was sweet enough to watch Ava for a few hours on the day before Halloween (which was trick or treat day due to the 31st being a Sunday) so Ava got to see the twin in their adorable lion costumes. She LOVES to hold the "babies". Here she is with Blake....
Doesn't Caden have the cutest grin?
Of course we did our traditional trip to Garden Village for a ride to a witch's house. The kids had a ton of fun!

Tyler and Kelsey also got married in October. I loved just being in the temple and was so thankful for the spirit I felt during their sealing. Kelsey was a beautiful bride and Ava couldn't get enough of her. She was so nice to give her lots of attention and include her in their special day. I am thankful for the example that their temple marriage was for Ava, and for me.



My sister Katie also ran a half marathon in October. She had the coolest idea and dedicated each of the thirteen miles to an influential woman in her life. I was honored to be picked for mile 10. If you're interested you can go here and read what she wrote about me. It just worked out that we picked a spot between mile 9 and 10 to cheer for Katie as she ran by. I had to choke back tears when she ran by us. I was so proud of her for accomplishing something as daunting as running for 13.1 miles straight. Katie has always been an amazing example to me of setting a goal and sticking with it to the end. I am excited that we have made a goal to run the Provo half marathon together in June. It is going to be quite an adventure!

And last but not least, my nephew Cannon turned one in October. I can't believe is all ready one! I can't even explain how much I love this little guy. My favorite memory of him is of him trying to get my attention so he could give me a kiss. He finally got impatient and put a hand on each cheek, turned my head to face him, and laid a slobbery kiss right on me. It was too cute!

Superwoman

I am loving this song lately! So, here's to all the "Superwomen" in my life, thanks for inspiring me in so many ways :)

So excited......

To see this movie tomorrow! I have read 14 out of 15 books in the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. Loved them all and highly recommend them for kiddos :)

Blah!

This was the week where the excitement wore off and the sadness took over.

I knew that going back to work would take it's toll on my little family and this was the week. Ava had a melt down everyday this week. I had a few meltdowns this week. It is so hard to remain calm when she repeatedly freaks out for what feels like nothing at all. I have had to constantly remind myself that all of this change is catching up with her. She has made the comment "I hate your job" several times and is just hurts me heart to hear it.

I know we will be fine. We will get in a routine and adjust. We will, because we have to. Change is constant and can't be avoided. This one is good, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

We will just have to remember to cherish the time we have together and the small things. This morning we lingered in bed and had the cutest talk. Ava told me all about her adventures yesterday. I am going to take that time and tuck it away in that special place in my heart. I can't believe how my love for Ava grows everyday. She is an amazing girl and I am lucky to be her Mom.

Here's to hoping for an easier week!

What's the lesson?

First, I just want to say that I am LOVING my job. I am feeling like everything in that part of my life is coming full circle (at least for now) and it feels really good. Its like 3 years ago I didn't really know what I wanted out of the professional part of my life and then I went back to school, learned a ton about myself and the world around me, and made some career goals. Now, after the past 2 weeks at my job, it all feels right.
The day of my graduation I wanted to arrive in plenty of time for my family to have good seats and to make sure I was where I needed to be etc,. Well, I was in time to see the end of the graduation before mine. I was standing in the back feeling an array of emotions, but when that graduating class stood up and everyone clapped I was overwhelmed with the most peaceful warm feeling and in that moment I knew that all was good. That I had done the right thing at the right time in my life, and that it was good. But that it was time to move on and that the next step would work out too. It was overwhelming to feel the spirit that strong at such a big moment in my life. I have had a ton of anxiety over this transition but at the same time I have had an undescribable peace that everything would work out, and it has. Does it get any better than that?

Today I got to go of campus with the girls on my team. We went bouldering and rock climbing at this really cool place in Ogden called The Front. I had a great time! It was fun to get to know the girls on my team. The girls are in a pretty intense theraputic environment and are all working on an array of problems. There have been times the past two weeks where I have had to choke back tears as I see them struggle and hear some of their stories. Some of them have gone through things I can't even imagine facing as a teenager. I just want to hug them tight, but I can't and sometimes it hurts my heart not to be able to. I look forward to their graduation days so that I can actually hug them.
At the end of our day we gathered in a group and the rec staff that was with us today asked everyone to go around and talk about something they struggled with while climbing today that can be related to the problems they are working on in their personal lives. It was so interesting to hear their thoughts and points of view. I couldn't help but think that this is the exact thing I have been working on in my own life lately. What can I learn from my experiences and trials? WHAT IS THE LESSON I AM SUPPOSED TO LEARN?
That is the question I have been pondering lately. It is the question I am asking my Heavenly Father A LOT. What is the lesson? What am I supposed to be learning? More directly I want to know the answer to these questions in relation to being single. Why is it taking so long? Why does it feel so hard and so impossible? I try not to talk about it a ton, but in reality it is a really big challenge in my life. I am lonely and I hate that I am missing out on so many things I wanted out of life. But, I am thinking that if I can just learn the lessons that I am supposed to be learning then I will be ready when the time is right. I have learned tons about myself the last 5.5 years I have been walking in my single mom shoes. I think I just might have caught on to the biggest lesson I need to learn (and maybe all of us, just in different ways) is that I can't lose faith. I can't throw a fit and give up on believing and knowing that when the time is right I will be blessed. I have to have FAITH. It sounds so simple, but yet sometimes it is so hard. I had a really big "thing" happen in my life last week, and there was a moment when the thought crossed my mind to just give up and lose my faith BUT I am not going to do it! I am going to prove that I can endure this trial until the Lord decides I have passed the test.

Savannah's Baptism

Last Saturday my niece Savannah got baptized. It was such a special day! She looked beautiful in her white dress and I loved seeing how happy she was. She is a special girl and I love being her Auntie :)

My new job, more of the first day and soccer!

This is going to be the catch up blog!

I GOT A JOB!!! That is the big news around here that I have failed to mention. I got a job at Island View. It's residential treatment center for teens. I am a milieu manager, which basically means I supervise troubled teens all day. I started last week and I am really liking it so far. There are definitely going to be some interesting experiences in store for me! It has been a bittersweet transition for me. I am excited to be working, especially at a job that I wanted, but sad at the same time to be done with the flexibility of a school schedule and of course I miss Ava. I was so sad that I didn't get to pick her up from the first day of school, but happy that I at least got to take her. I am going to be working from 2:30-11 PM. I is a different schedule but with Ava being in afternoon kindergarten so it will give me more time overall at home with her and I get to volunteer in her class on Monday before I have to leave for work. I am going to miss bedtime, but all in all this schedule will give me more time with Ava so I am good with it.

Here are some pictures of Ava when I dropped her off for her first day. Her teacher is Ms. McGary and she is loving school so far.


We started soccer again. Ava is bright lime green this year and her teams name is The Tinkerbell's. She is loving it and doesn't hesitate to tell her coach that she is the best on the team after she scores every goal. Apparently we need to have a family home evening lesson on humility :)

Much to Celebrate.....

My birthday was great this year! I can't believe it is my last year as a 20 something, but I am trying not to dwell on it because 30 is the new 20 right?

Friday night Katie, Carly and Anna took me to dinner at Typhoon and then we did some shopping. It was a super fun night, but then again I never complain about a night out with the girls :)


Thursday night was Sharon and Brad took us to dinner at Ruth's Diner. Nathan, Emily, Caden and Blake came too! It was so fun to see them all :) I can't believe how big the twins are getting. Ava had a little fun with my camera taking pictures of herself and us while we waited for our table.

Thanks to everyone who made my day special!