Thursday, September 24, 2009

Emotions......

I feel like a basket case lately.  All of my emotions are very close to the surface right now.  I think that I have just been realizing how overly blessed my life is.  Some of the things I have learned in school are heart braking and discouraging and out right outrageous.  And I feel like the luckiest person in the world that I haven't had to deal with many of them first hand.  I feel lucky that so far I have managed to beat the odds in my situation. I AM SO BLESSED and I AM SO THANKFUL for all that I have!

My older sister, Katie, is having a baby practically any day now, but for sure on October 5th.  Every time I think about what it is going to be like to welcome her sweet baby boy into this world I tear up. Isn't it strange how I can love some one so much and I have never seen his face and I don't even know what his name will be.  But I all ready now that I would do anything for him and that I love him more than words can even express.

When Katie told me she was pregnant I had a lot of mixed emotions and I didn't quite know how to react.  I was so excited for this new nephew to come into our lives, but at the same time I was a little sad.  It can be hard some times to see other people all around me having the things that I want so badly.  The last year has been so hard for me in more ways than I can even talk about, but through it all I have learned the lesson that there is a time and a season for all things.  Right now my job is to finish school and enjoy that accomplishment.  My job is to keep developing my talents and establishing a career.  My job is to love Ava and teach her the things that will bring her the most happiness in the world.  And most importantly my job right now is to be a worthy temple recommend holder so that when the time is right for me I will be able to enter the temple and create an eternal family.  Then it will be my turn to have more babies.  Until that time, I am extremely blessed to share in the happiness of the babies my sister is bringing into the world.  And when the time is right, she in turn, will help me love mine too.


6 comments:

Unknown said...

Julie

I hope you know that I want all the same things for you too. I know it is hard to be patient when we want certain things so badly. When I was trying to get pregnant with Luka that was one of the hardest times of my life- feeling like was doing something righteous and not getting what I wanted, waiting month after month after month. Like is heart breaking sometimes but we must always remember we are never alone. We have cheerleaders in heaven and I must say you have two of the best sisters (har har) who love you more than anything here. And I love sharing my babies with you- I am always up for someone to change their diapers HA! Love you so much:)

Tammy said...

Hang in there. You're truly amazing and someone out there is going to realize that and you, Ava and he will live Happily Ever and Forever after. I love you Julie!!!

The Skinners said...

I really admire how you are willing to find the positive no matter what. You really do have everything in perspective and I know great things are coming your way! You are awesome!

Anna said...

What a great post Julie! Love you girl!

Grammy said...

Julie, you have such a great understanding of God's plan. I am so thankful for you and for your tremendous strength. Your capacity to love is unsurpassed. Keep looking for the Lord's hand in your life and you will find things daily to be thankful for. I love you so much! (You know...more than my luggage!)

Janessa Couch said...

After my miscarriage a year and a half ago I had a friend get pregnant. I had a ton of mixed emotions also. I wanted so badly to feel happy for her but I was jealous and wanted the baby. The baby was born on Monday and I was able to hold her on Tuesday. I was so scared that I would cry, but it was great and the crazy feelings went away and I was able to hold the beautiful little girl. Like you said, there is a time and a season for everything. You are such a special Mom and Ava is so lucky to have such a dedicated Mom with a head on her shoulders!