Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I am taking it back.....

Everyone always says "time heals all wounds",  I even just said it on my blog about two months ago.  But, the last two weeks have changed my mind on this.  I don't believe that time HEALS anything.  I think it gives us the chance to change our perspective, to change our plans, to change our selves, or to replace what has been lost.  It is more like an anesthetic, it numbs the pain, rather than completely healing.  I don't know exactly how people heal from the heart brake we all encounter through this life.  I really have NO IDEA.  I think it is just a process that we all have to endure and that we have to give ourselves time to heal ourselves.  Time doesn't do the healing, we do it ourselves.  I thought I was doing a good job at getting better, and I really was.  I was happy, smiling, singing in the car again, and I was just feeling great.  But the last few weeks it has all hit my like a truck again.  It makes me feel so stupid that I feel this way, but I do.  The pain in my chest has made its presence fully known and I feel, once again, like I am drowning in it again.  I have officially lost all faith that time will heal me.  

8 comments:

Unknown said...

I heard that loosing a romantic partner is like loosing a limb. It's not only essential to have an "arm" - you are used to it. You function with it. It is what helps you do the majority of daily, regular things, without even a thought. If you loose your arm, you suddenly realize how essential it was to even daily tasks. But suddenly you have no right to know what Thursday's consist of, how their life is going, how their mom is even, - nothing. And it's hard. You loved it. You always will. the death of something does not mean you forget it.

But, I also know that everything and every season has a purpose - and this, though the feelings may never leave, someone more amazing and some plan more essential will step in, which will create even more amazing and essential feelings - and stay with you always.

Unknown said...

Like you mentioned- only you can heal yourself. Only you can decide to control and heal yourself or to let yourself get the best of yourself- you know what I mean.

Tori said...

I don't think time heals I think it's the experiences we have that helps us to remember how to be happy again! the only good thing about time is that it brings those experiences...sorry you aren't feeling great again but it will get better!!

Janessa Couch said...

Memories take a long time to go away. I am sorry that you are feeling this way.

Grammy said...

How interesting. It's like picking at a scab that is healing. It starts healing and shrinking - and then we pick at it because we notice it or it itches or gets bumped, so it bugs us and we know it's there and it bleeds when we pick at it. I think that much of healing comes from our perspective. I am going to send you a letter that came to me that I think will help you. I love you, Jewels. You are beautiful, bright, intelligent, and you have much power within.

Tricia said...

I just wanted to let you know that regardless of anything, we love you so much.

With that said...I do agree with Grammy... it is a scab sometimes we put a bandaid over it and forget how deep the cut actually is ... expecting it to be healed before it is...and cuts do scar, but sooner, mostly later we forget about the scar except for once in a great while...

You know how much I HATE cliches...but it does pass. Sometimes the expectations we have for ourselves are so high we cannot reach the bar.... or we just need to buy taller pumps so that we can reach where we expect we can.

xxxooo

Jamie and Family said...

Sometimes I try to think of pain resurfacing as little reminders of what we learned from that trial. IF time really healed so much that we forgot the pain, then it would be like starting over and the lessons would be easily forgotten.

Hang in there.

Heidi Sue said...

dear Katie,I know what you mean. All I can say is hang in there. You never know how long it is going to take, But I promise that one day you will wake up, and Everything will be great.
Love ya