Superwoman

I am loving this song lately! So, here's to all the "Superwomen" in my life, thanks for inspiring me in so many ways :)

So excited......

To see this movie tomorrow! I have read 14 out of 15 books in the Guardians of Ga'Hoole series. Loved them all and highly recommend them for kiddos :)

Blah!

This was the week where the excitement wore off and the sadness took over.

I knew that going back to work would take it's toll on my little family and this was the week. Ava had a melt down everyday this week. I had a few meltdowns this week. It is so hard to remain calm when she repeatedly freaks out for what feels like nothing at all. I have had to constantly remind myself that all of this change is catching up with her. She has made the comment "I hate your job" several times and is just hurts me heart to hear it.

I know we will be fine. We will get in a routine and adjust. We will, because we have to. Change is constant and can't be avoided. This one is good, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard.

We will just have to remember to cherish the time we have together and the small things. This morning we lingered in bed and had the cutest talk. Ava told me all about her adventures yesterday. I am going to take that time and tuck it away in that special place in my heart. I can't believe how my love for Ava grows everyday. She is an amazing girl and I am lucky to be her Mom.

Here's to hoping for an easier week!

What's the lesson?

First, I just want to say that I am LOVING my job. I am feeling like everything in that part of my life is coming full circle (at least for now) and it feels really good. Its like 3 years ago I didn't really know what I wanted out of the professional part of my life and then I went back to school, learned a ton about myself and the world around me, and made some career goals. Now, after the past 2 weeks at my job, it all feels right.
The day of my graduation I wanted to arrive in plenty of time for my family to have good seats and to make sure I was where I needed to be etc,. Well, I was in time to see the end of the graduation before mine. I was standing in the back feeling an array of emotions, but when that graduating class stood up and everyone clapped I was overwhelmed with the most peaceful warm feeling and in that moment I knew that all was good. That I had done the right thing at the right time in my life, and that it was good. But that it was time to move on and that the next step would work out too. It was overwhelming to feel the spirit that strong at such a big moment in my life. I have had a ton of anxiety over this transition but at the same time I have had an undescribable peace that everything would work out, and it has. Does it get any better than that?

Today I got to go of campus with the girls on my team. We went bouldering and rock climbing at this really cool place in Ogden called The Front. I had a great time! It was fun to get to know the girls on my team. The girls are in a pretty intense theraputic environment and are all working on an array of problems. There have been times the past two weeks where I have had to choke back tears as I see them struggle and hear some of their stories. Some of them have gone through things I can't even imagine facing as a teenager. I just want to hug them tight, but I can't and sometimes it hurts my heart not to be able to. I look forward to their graduation days so that I can actually hug them.
At the end of our day we gathered in a group and the rec staff that was with us today asked everyone to go around and talk about something they struggled with while climbing today that can be related to the problems they are working on in their personal lives. It was so interesting to hear their thoughts and points of view. I couldn't help but think that this is the exact thing I have been working on in my own life lately. What can I learn from my experiences and trials? WHAT IS THE LESSON I AM SUPPOSED TO LEARN?
That is the question I have been pondering lately. It is the question I am asking my Heavenly Father A LOT. What is the lesson? What am I supposed to be learning? More directly I want to know the answer to these questions in relation to being single. Why is it taking so long? Why does it feel so hard and so impossible? I try not to talk about it a ton, but in reality it is a really big challenge in my life. I am lonely and I hate that I am missing out on so many things I wanted out of life. But, I am thinking that if I can just learn the lessons that I am supposed to be learning then I will be ready when the time is right. I have learned tons about myself the last 5.5 years I have been walking in my single mom shoes. I think I just might have caught on to the biggest lesson I need to learn (and maybe all of us, just in different ways) is that I can't lose faith. I can't throw a fit and give up on believing and knowing that when the time is right I will be blessed. I have to have FAITH. It sounds so simple, but yet sometimes it is so hard. I had a really big "thing" happen in my life last week, and there was a moment when the thought crossed my mind to just give up and lose my faith BUT I am not going to do it! I am going to prove that I can endure this trial until the Lord decides I have passed the test.

Savannah's Baptism

Last Saturday my niece Savannah got baptized. It was such a special day! She looked beautiful in her white dress and I loved seeing how happy she was. She is a special girl and I love being her Auntie :)

My new job, more of the first day and soccer!

This is going to be the catch up blog!

I GOT A JOB!!! That is the big news around here that I have failed to mention. I got a job at Island View. It's residential treatment center for teens. I am a milieu manager, which basically means I supervise troubled teens all day. I started last week and I am really liking it so far. There are definitely going to be some interesting experiences in store for me! It has been a bittersweet transition for me. I am excited to be working, especially at a job that I wanted, but sad at the same time to be done with the flexibility of a school schedule and of course I miss Ava. I was so sad that I didn't get to pick her up from the first day of school, but happy that I at least got to take her. I am going to be working from 2:30-11 PM. I is a different schedule but with Ava being in afternoon kindergarten so it will give me more time overall at home with her and I get to volunteer in her class on Monday before I have to leave for work. I am going to miss bedtime, but all in all this schedule will give me more time with Ava so I am good with it.

Here are some pictures of Ava when I dropped her off for her first day. Her teacher is Ms. McGary and she is loving school so far.


We started soccer again. Ava is bright lime green this year and her teams name is The Tinkerbell's. She is loving it and doesn't hesitate to tell her coach that she is the best on the team after she scores every goal. Apparently we need to have a family home evening lesson on humility :)

Much to Celebrate.....

My birthday was great this year! I can't believe it is my last year as a 20 something, but I am trying not to dwell on it because 30 is the new 20 right?

Friday night Katie, Carly and Anna took me to dinner at Typhoon and then we did some shopping. It was a super fun night, but then again I never complain about a night out with the girls :)


Thursday night was Sharon and Brad took us to dinner at Ruth's Diner. Nathan, Emily, Caden and Blake came too! It was so fun to see them all :) I can't believe how big the twins are getting. Ava had a little fun with my camera taking pictures of herself and us while we waited for our table.

Thanks to everyone who made my day special!

Going Private

I am going to making my blog private. So, if you want to be an approved reader leave your email address as a comment and I will add you to the list. My comments don't automatically publish so your email address will remain private. I am going to go private on Tuesday, so let me know by then :)

Ava's First Day

Here are a few pictures of Ava's first day of school. She looked so adorable and was so excited! She wanted aunt Katie to curl her hair, so thank you to Katie for helping with that. I took a few more at the school, but my camera is down in the car and I am too tired to go get it, but I at least wanted to get a few pictures up. Life is moving pretty fast around here and I WILL make time to fill you all in ;) But for now..... here is my beautiful baby.

Its been a pretty good year

Here are some highlights in no particular order

No Training Wheels!

One of the things I wanted to accomplish this summer was to teach Ava to ride her bike without training wheels. Well, no minute like the last one, right? She caught on so fast! I only had to run behind her from half way down the street and she was off on her own. The smile on her face was so cute. She was so proud of herself and after seeing her excitement made me wish that I had taught her way earlier.

Little Miss Social....

If you have ever met Ava you know that she is quite the conversationalist. In fact Katie's neighbor told me that Ava talks like a 15 year old. She is rarely shy and seems to make friends every where we go. Way back in early May Sharon, Ava and I went shopping cause I wanted something new to wear for my graduation. Well, Ava was a good sport for awhile but was tiring out before I was having any luck. She made this new friend while at Nordstrom. Sharon discretely took a picture of those two deep in conversation. The guy was color blind and was explaining to Ava all about it. So she would point to something and ask him what color it was and so forth. So funny! We even gave his wife our opinion the jeans she was trying on. Gotta love Ava! She definitely keeps life interesting :)

Complete Rambling.....

This might be one of those posts that rambles on, and on, but hopefully I will make a point somewhere. I just feel the need to get stuff off my chest and maybe get some words of wisdom. The last few months have been so happy but yet so hard for me at the same time. I feel like I am learning things about myself that I have never known before.

You know those times in your life when everything is changing all at once and there is nothing you can really do about it. You just have to ride the wave, control what small things you can and just make it work. That is how I feel, except that instead doing anything about it I have just been hiding out and avoiding reality. And that just makes it all suck so much more. It is one of my worst character traits. When things start happening, I get scared and hide for awhile until I have sorted it all out and somehow find the courage to pull myself up by the boot straps and make something happen. I know that I can do hard things. I have done them over and over again. But every time a new one comes along I have to fight the urge to run and hide. I have been hiding for way too long.

I am so glad to be done with school. But for the past 8 months I have been so terrified of what the next step means. I am feeling less than confidant about my "job skills" for no good reason. I am a good worker. I can do anything I set my mind to if I want it bad enough, but for some reason I am having trouble realizing my own potential lately. I am happy to say though that I did have a job interview last week and it went really well. I have a second interview Friday. I really really want this job. For a TON of reasons. I promise to post any news on whether I get the job or not as soon as I know anything.

As far as my social life? Well, it's been hard too. Adam and I decided weeks ago that things just weren't working out as great as we would like them to be. Both of us for different reasons. We decided to date other people and keep dating each other as well and see how things go. It has been bugging the crap out of me because I just can't decide how I feel. I have never felt so freakin wishy washy or confused in my life. But I am thinking the confusion is a bad sign. I don't know, any advice on that one? I have never been scarred when I have thought about getting married before until just the last 6 or so months and all of a sudden its like this really scary thing. I just keep thinking of all the ways life will change (for me and for Ava) and I don't know if I am up for it. It is going to be hard work, even with the right person, but eventually I know I have to do it. Does this means I am finally ready for it, or does it mean I am digressing? Wish I had the answers for that one.

But through all of this confusion and fog I am finally feeling like I am in the right place to finally date with a purpose. You know, like go out and give guys a chance and not run at the smallest mistake. I also feel more ready than ever to let people get to know the "real" me. It has been way more fun to go out with people and just be me. So much more fun! And way less stresful. Even though I feel confused about so much of my life, I am feeling less and less confused about who I am. How does that make sense?

So, if you were wondering why things have been so silent around here, its cause I have been living on fantasy island and trying to avoid reality. All that being said, I am finally ready to make something happen. The good news is, is that I know good things are coming. I just know. I can feel it. Life is good, especially if we let it be :)

My sister....

I was going through one of my boxes of pictures today looking for something to use in my Sunday school class and came across this card Katie sent me her first year away......
I read it and laughed at what was going on in both of our lives 14 long years ago. My sister had a boyfriend names Chris who was so freakin tall and didn't like rap music. We should have known it would never work out when he couldn't get down to Ton Loc with us, Ha! Reading this made me realize that Katie has always loved me and cared about me, even was dumb 14 year old and she was off on her own adventures. In that card she told me that just like the girls on the this card she would stand by me and hold my hand no matter what. I didn't know just how true that statement was all those years ago, but today I realized that she has kept her word. She may never hesitate to tell me what she thinks, and we may fight it out sometimes like sisters do, but she has always been there to stand by me and hold me hand, even when she wondered if I would ever get my crap together. I love her for that. That is what being a friend and a sister is all about!

Good Summer Fun!

This is what the kids did today..... at least for as long as Luka could have his boot off (poor little dude broke his leg last week). Best $10.50 I have spent in awhile :)

Are they not just the cutest? I loved watching them have so much fun! And, look who started walking today. We had so much fun cheering him on and seeing how proud he was of himself. I sure do love being an aunt :)