Update!

Well, I have been meaning to post for days and days but I just can't seem to muster the energy! I think that after my post last week I took a turn for the worst for a few days. BUT I think that I am coming around the bend so to speak! Yes, I am still sad and aching but I am still moving and have not curled up into the ball. I have had a variety of emotions the last week and a half. It has been quite the roller coaster ride! I am so grateful to the people who have been here for me in so many ways. I can't even begin to tell you about the loving arms I have felt around me, physically and spiritually.

I think I have watched Hope Floats everyday this week! It is the best movie to watch when feeling depressed, at least in my opinion. There are some great words of wisdom in there and the music is great. Here are just a few of my favorite lines:

"Crying over it won't make it clean."
"Go out there and get the stink blown of you!"

I guess that is what you could say I am going to try and do, get the stink of this blown off! I have put my dating profile back online and this time around has been different. I am finding a few people to be quite forward and not wasting anytime with getting to the point. I have gone on two dates! I don't know if I am really ready for this or not but either way I am doing it. Some one told me that sometimes we just have to move on physically and let our emotions catch up. That is exactly what I am doing. Even though I feel broken, I am physically moving past it. Putting on my game face and moving. The first date was all right. Met a guy at Starbucks just to meet and talk. It was good conversation and just that for now. I cried when I got home, but I went and for a minute tried to forget the way I was really feeling

Today was the first day I have not cried in 11 days! I made it the whole day! And I went on my date number 2 and I can actually say that I had fun. Fun that included smiling and a little laughing. Went to a BYU basketball game and then home. I Tomorrow I can promise a much happier post. It is Happy Birthday celebrating at my house since Ava is going to be at her Dad's on the actual day. So tomorrow I will wake up, put on my game face, and create a magical day for my girl!

Before I go just one more quote from Hope Floats. It is the last little part of the movie and I love it and feel like it is just what I am trying to do: Giving hope a chance to float up!

"Mamma always said beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it is the middle that counts the most. You need to remember that when you find yourself at the beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up and it will too."