Looking back at 2008

I thought this would be fun way to remember some of the highlights from 2008! Have fun reading......

1. What did you do in 2008 that you had never done before?
I took a beginners weight training class this last semester. It was pretty interesting, but I didn't quite get all that I wanted to from it. I had two different teachers that did things very differently, so I didn't quite get a routine work out that I wanted to. But that being said it was still the perfect way to learn a few things that I would not have other wise learn and I it did help me step out of my comfort zone a little!

2. Did you keep any new years resolutions and will you make any new ones for 2009?
I did actually make and keep a few new years resolutions for 2008. I really wanted to lose some weight and get into shape. Katie, my Mom and I joined weight watchers the end of February and I was able to drop 20 pounds by June. I also made going to the gym a regular habit. Going to the gym has become a kind of "therapy" for me. It is a great way to clear my head and relieve a little stress. I also decided that I wanted to prepare for and go to the temple. It was a great learning process for me. I have grown to love and respect my bishop so much through this process. He has given me some great advice and words of wisdom this past year. The most recent insight he has given me is that no one progresses in a straight vertical line. We all have peaks and valleys along our paths and that as long as we can connect the peaks into that upward line of progression we will be okay. I really loved that and have thought of it very often over the past few months. As for 2009........ I really want to get more A's than B's next semester. I have also decided to run the Salt Lake City half marathon on April 18th. I start my official "training" next Monday. This is going to take A LOT of work for me to accomplish but I am really excited about it! Wish me luck!

Some of the many people who came to support me at the temple in June.

Me after losing 20 pounds

3. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, very sad to say that my sweet Grandma Clark passed away in November. It has been a really hard thing to go through. It is always hard to lose some one that you love dearly, but it has taught the great lesson of not taking the people we love for granted and to love them as fully as I can daily. My life was truly blessed by her and all the love that she has shown to me through out my life. I am so grateful that we are an eternal family and that I will one day be with her again. Love you Grandma!

4. What countries did you visit?
Well, I didn't travel outside of the country, but I did go on a few fun vacations. Sharon and I went to Hawaii in May and had soooooo much fun. I went to Arizona a few times to visit my Mom and Becca. I also to a fun trip river rafting with Katie, Ryan, Becca, Nick and Chris this summer. Ava and I also spent a fun weekend in California at Disneyland.


Me and Sharon in Hawaii


Thanksgiving in Arizona at my Mom's


Everyone in Jackson Hole

Disneyland with Tricia and Lola

5. What would you like to have more of in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I would like to keep things a little more organized and less stressful.

6. What was your biggest achievement in 2008?
Definitely without a doubt it is going back to school. I just finished my second semester back. I am so glad that I made this huge decision and then followed through with it! I have learned so much and not just book smarts, but about myself too.

7. What do you wish you would have done more of in 2008?
Definitely would be spending more quality time with Ava. It is so easy to get wrapped up in doing other things. I want to spend more time with her playing games, reading stories, bowling, swimming, the park........ I guess just more of the things that she enjoys. She is growing so fast and I don't want to take having her for granted because I know that in the blink of an eye she will be all grown up!

8. What do you wish you would have done less of?
Worrying about things that I have no control of.

9. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes I did fall head over heels in love. And even though I got my heart broken I don't regret that I did fall in love. It was amazing.

10. What did you do on your birthday?
My birthday was my first day of school this year. So I went to school all day. Later Chris brought over a Nielsens frozen custard with a candle in it and him and Ava sang happy birthday to me. The day before Sharon and Co. took me and Ava to dinner at Bennihanna's which was way way way fun! I think that I will always remember my 27th birthday as one of my favorites!

Me blowing out my candle. The funny part is that they brought me banana ice cream and I HATE bananas!

11. What kept you sane?
Diet Dr. Pepper, Sharon, the gym, being able to escape into a good book!

12. What is the most valuable lesson you learned this year?
Oh my! How can I pick just one. I have learned so many! I have learned that some times you have to take a giant leap of faith even when you are scared out of your mind. I learned this through quitting my job and going back to school. I was totally scared when I realized I had just picked up my last pay check at Jamba Juice and had major second thoughts about what I was doing, but I stuck to the plan and it has been one of the best life changes I could have ever made. I have learned that if you have something really important to say to some one you should say it when you have the chance because you might not have a chance tomorrow, next week or next month. I am hoping to never have to regret not telling some one how I really feel ever again because it is a heavy load to carry. But I think that most important thing I have learned this year is to love myself!

13. Quote a song lyric that sums of the year: you can't give up when your looking for a diamond in the rough

Dancing with the Stars

I had the greatest night! Sharon treated me to a night out on the town to see Dancing with the Stars. I have to be honest and say that it was freakin awesome! We had seats on the floor right next to the stage right where we could see all the action. I am totally regretting not taking my camera in with me! We did take some pictures with our phones the quality of the pictures isn't the greatest, but they are still fun. Thanks Sharon I had a really great time!
Me and Sharon outside of the E Center after walking through snow drifts and me almost falling a few times!
Me and Sharon at our table inside
Toni Braxton was one of the "stars" she sang Un-break My Heart and Breathe Again.

My new room!

Saturday Brad and Sharon picked me about 10:30 in the morning and we headed to IKEA to have some fun! I got a new bed and matching dresser, a picture for my wall, new bedding, and a loft bed for Ava. It was so much fun picking out all the stuff! Then we headed to RC Willey outlet and I got a still of a deal on a new mattress. It was quite the job taking a part the two old beds and hauling them out. My old bed spent a few hours on my front lawn, it was pretty pwt, but gave a good laugh seeing it out there sitting in the snow. Brad went to work putting together the new stuff in my bedroom. Sharon and I cleaned out Ava's room and then we put her bed together. We did a pretty good job if I do say so myself. We finished about 8 pm that night. I love my new stuff. It looks like an adult lives in my room now! Thanks you Dad and Nan for such a wonderful Christmas present! And thanks Brad and Sharon for spending the whole day helping me with everything!

This is the before shot of my room. It was a complete disaster! It was the place I have abandoned in my apartment and the place I would toss all the stuff I didn't really have a spot for. This picture is an embarrasment, but I am vowing to never let it look like this again!

These are the after pictures. I love it!





And now for Ava's room! This is the before picture. I know, it was a complete disaster too.


I tried to take an after picture of what the room looks like with the new stuff, but lighting was bad and they just weren't looking so good. Here are few picture of me and Sharon putting the bed together. Having the loft bed really opens up the room. We set up her kitchen and table underneath it. I think she will really like it!

Just some pictures today

Me and Becca

Becca, Nan, Dad and me

Short and simple today with some cute pictures from Christmas Eve.

Christmas Recap

I tried to make a post with the slideshow I posted yesterday, but technology was not cooperating with me very well and when I started to get angry I had to walk away. So here are the detail of Christmas from the Clark house. We celebrated with Ava early on Sunday. Sharon and Brad came over after church. Becca was in town visiting so she was here too. Tyler even stopped in for a minute on his way to work. It was so much fun to open presents with Ava this year. I swear it gets better and better every year! We saw some personality she gets from me and some personality she gets from her Dad. She insisted on putting every piece of wrapping paper straight into the garbage bad so we wouldn't have a huge mess every where (if you haven't guessed this is definitely something she gets from her Dad). She had us all laughing when she exclaimed "I hope it's clothes or shoes!" while opening a present from Sharon and Brad (that is definitely all my doing!). She had a great time and loved all the loot she got! We made breakfast for lunch and it was oh so yummy! Sharon and Brad got me a griddle, so now I will have to practice making some pancakes because I have never made them before.

I took Ava to California and Tuesday to stay for a week at her Dad's. I cried on the way to the airport, then again after she pulled away at the airport. I could hardly even talk to her when she was leaving because I was holding back my tears. I didn't want to cry in from of her because I know that it would worry her and I definitely did not want her Dad to see me cry. So instead at sat outside on the bench and cried while I waited for Tricia to pick me up. I think the lady sitting next to me thought I was a tad bit crazy. Who knows maybe I am. I spent a fun night with Tricia and Lola doing last minute shopping, dinner at the Olive Garden and then just hangin out at the house. It brought back a lot of memories to be there. I really miss having Tricia close by. We are definitely kindred spirits and I love her like a sister!

Wednesday there were more tears on the way back to the airport and the whole time I was waiting for my flight. Again more people thinking I am a total whack job, but I have really quit caring about that at his point. I think by then I was all cried out. I drove to Logan to spend Christmas Eve at my Dad's house. It was a lot of fun! We ate pizza and of course a ton of treats. It was fun to be Becca and everyone else. I really love my Dad and I am so thankful that I was able to spend part of the holiday with him! Thanks Dad for all you do for me and Ava!

Christmas day started early. I got to Katies about 7:30 to watch the kids open presents and eat breakfast. I am proud to say that I did not shed one tear! It was fun to see how excited Cooper and Savnnah were to see what Santa Claus brought. Thanks to Katie and Ryan for sharing it with me. I got to Sharon and Brad's about noon to do some more celebrating. It was a good time! Sharon made a delicious Christmas dinner! I feel so blessed to have my second family! Thanks to Sharon, Brad, Nathan, Emily and Tyler for making me part of your Christmas. It was truly a huge blessing for me this year!

I am so thankful for all the many people who have reached out to me this holiday season! My life is abundantly blessed by some truly amazing people!

Merry Christmas

A little sad...... but still GOOD TIMES!

On Sunday we loaded up in Katie's car and headed to Logan. I still can't believe how fast we can fill up her car, seriously every nook and cranny packed with stuff! Sunday night we had our Clark family Christmas party. It is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. We weren't sure if the party would continue without my sweet Grandma to gather us all together, but we did it. I didn't really prepare myself in advance for the fact that she wouldn't be there, it was just too hard to think about. It hit me when we were driving up and it definitely hit me when we got to the party. It was so sad to walk in and not have her run up to hug us and tell us all how beautiful we are. I really missed that hug. We started out the night a little teary eyed but I think we all had a really good time. It was fun to see everyone, eat dinner and yummy treats. We kind of switched things up and didn't do the traditional white elephant presents but the new game we played was fun too. I have always loved the smell of my sweet Grandma's house. I have never been able to pin point exactly what the smell is. The best way I can think of to describe it is comfort. My sisters and I discussed this on the way back to my Dad's after the party and for the first time I realized what that special small was. It was my Grandma. It was the comfort she provided for all those that she loved. I really could have used some of that comfort this week, but I know that her spirit was there with us all and that seeing us all together probably gave her some comfort.
It was so great to just spend the whole day with family today. I love my family so much. I seriously could not have hand picked better people to spend my life here on earth with and for eternity. I am to wiped out to post any pictures, but I have some pretty priceless ones of Luka at the Aggie game tonight. Mostly right now I just want to let my family how know how much they really do mean to me. Thanks for all you do for me and Ava! We love you all more than words could ever express!

A Daughter needs a Mom........

to tell her the road to happiness is not always straight

to explain that the sweetest flower may not always be the prettiest

to carry her when she is tired

to teach her that class never goes out of style

to teach her to love her friends, no matter what they do

to teach her to laugh at herself

to teach her that even true love requires compromise

who knows how to let loose and have fun

to show her how to give back to others

to show her to use humor to lighten heavy loads

to show her how to put a little love in everything she does

to tell her not to let pride get in the way of forgiving someone

to encourage her to be grateful

to catch her if she falls

to remind her, on the bad days, that she is not alone

and

to teach her that you cannot start a life over, but you can change the way it ends.

I think its funny.....

So, I read this today in a place I won't be disclosing, but if I would have been in a laughing mood I would have laughed. I think it describes me quite perfectly......

Used heart for sale, scratched and dented, but runs well!

See like I said, it is quite fitting :)

And just for kicks, a picture that does make me laugh! Ava spilled her whole shirley temple on me while we were eating dinner at Black Angus when we went to California in November. Maybe you just had to be there, but this was one of those moments was when something was really funny, and I did laugh, and for just a night I forgot about being sad.

Another semester done!

Remember this?

This was me at the end of last semester. Literally bursting with joy and accomplishment! I was so amazed at all that I had accomplished in just 4 short months. Today I finished me second semester. I am just relieved because the last few weeks have really worn me out. I have literally had to pep talk myself into finishing every assignment and going to every class. And have you ever heard a pep talk from a depressed person? Not very peppy. I am so glad I don't have to do that again until January, and hopefully then I won't need those un-peppy pep talks. But, this all being said, I have learned a lot this semester. If anything I have learned to just keep moving. I know that I am supposed to be doing this right now. I KNOW THIS and knowing some how makes it doable. I am looking forward to next semester. I am registered for 16 units and I am really excited about my classes. So, while today I am not jumping for joy, I am still proud of me. Another chapter is complete.......

Have you ever had one of those moments.........

that stop you in your tracks so to speak. You know, where your heart stops for a second and then starts racing. When you have to remind yourself to breathe and then your hands get sweaty and shaky. And in the extreme version of this you might even fight the urge to throw up. Well I did yesterday. I thought I was handling things fairly well, or at least fooling other people into thinking I am. But then I saw a ghost. But he was real. And for the rest of the night it was hard to breathe, or sit still and yes the tears came back in full force. And once again this morning I woke up sleep deprived with swollen eyes. Eyes that have lost their happy sparkle. I miss my smile and those sparkly eyes. I am trying to get them back but I feel like I am losing that battle right now. I am waiting for time to bring them back, but time seems to be slowing down around here.

But on the flip side of things, the scale said 122 this morning. I could have kissed it! See there is always a silver lining........ get your heart broken and lose all desire to eat!

River

My sister Katie made the recommendation for Sara McLachlan's Christmas CD, Wintersong. I took the recommendation and LOVE the music. There is especially one song that I feel really describes how I have been feeling lately. I love the words! Here they are and if you really want to experience the beauty of the song buy it! Enjoy!

River

Its coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer singing songs of joy and peace

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
And then I am going to quit this crazy scene

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly high
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

But I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I've ever had

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
Oh I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly high
Oh I wish I had a river
That I could skate away on

I made my baby say goodbye

It's coming on Christmas
They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer singing songs of joy and peace

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on

A memory.......

Yesterday morning I woke up and opened the front blinds. The world was covered in a blanket of white and there were giant icicles hanging right in front of the window. Seeing them took me back in time to a morning years ago......

I was probably 9 or 10. We were traveling back to Utah for a visit. I don't remember all the details of the trip but I just remember that we were driving with my Clark Grandparents in our black for explorer. We ran into a terrible blizzard along our trip. I remember being terrified. Seriously probably one of the times in my life I can remember feeling really really scared. We could see nothing on the road. The wind was blowing snow every where! Occasionally we would see cars and semis off the road as we would pass them. We pulled over for my Grandpa to drive. We put the seat down in the back. My Mom, Katie and I laid in the back and sang girls camp songs to try and take our minds off of what was happening. I was really freaked out by it all. Growing up in California it was my first "real" snow experience.

I must have fallen asleep because the next morning I awoke in the safety of the "blue" room at my Grandma Clarks. I remember waking up and looking out and seeing giants icicles in the window. I was amazed! I thought they were so magically beautiful! I was so excited by the winter wonderland that was just outside the window! And the best part of it was being at my Grandma's house because that in itself was always a magical thing for me as a young girl.

Seeing all the snow yesterday made me miss her. I know she would have loved the beauty of it, despite the coldness of it. Because that is who she was, she always saw the beauty. I hurried into my room to wake Ava and show her what had taken place while she slept. She was so excited and just said WOW when she saw it. Even though snow is not my favorite thing now, I want her to experience the magic of waking up to the miracle of snow. Because it is truly a beautiful thing! Even if it is cold and wet and needs to be shoveled and it makes me look like a dork cause I always manage to fall in public once a winter because of it.

Elf Yourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Elf Yourself

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Heber Creeper

We had such a fun night! Katie gave Ava tickets to ride the heber creeper for her birthday. They do it like the polar express during the holidays. We had so much fun! Thanks Katie and Ryan for such a fun night out!

A fun meme........

Last 2 TV shows I watched:
1. Sex in the City
2. Brothers and Sisters

Last 2 things I ate or drank:
1. Dt Coke (big surprise)
2. McD's quarter pounder and fries

Last 2 pieces of clothing I put on:
1. Navy blue warm ups
2. I'ver Been Naughty shirt

Last 2 people you told you loved:
1. Ava
2. My Dad

Last 2 people you kissed:
1. Ava
2. ?????? havent kissed anybody else in awhile

Last 2 people who replied to your blog:
1. Sharon
2. Janessa

Last 2 people I spoke to on the phone:
1. Katie
2. Tricia

My favorite new decoration:
New Christmas tree ornaments

Favorite laugh of the day:
Watching that silly video of Becca. Yes I watched it again today and it is still making me laugh!

My favorite cook of late: I made mini meat loafs on Sunday. They were pretty good if I do say so myself!

My favorite news of the day: I am done with my Child Abuse final. Whew!

My favorite song lately: Carry You Home by James Blunt

Favorite television show lately: I watch Sex in the City reruns every night, I will never get tired of that show!

My favorite thing lately: Shea Cashmere body lotion from Bath and Body Works. Seriously love, love, love that stuff. Makes me soft and it smells so good! Go get some today!

Christmas Tree 2008

We got our tree on Saturday! I have to say that is my most favorite Christmas tree so far. I got new ornaments last year after Christmas on a way good sale and I love them. They are so colorful, bright, and glittery! Ava actually had fun picking out the tree. It did take some negotiating between the two of us though. I would suggest one and then she would say no this one. We finally agreed on one that we could both live with. Of course Sharon and Brad came with us. It is turning into a little Christmas tradition for us to do it with them. We had so much fun! Thanks Sharon and Brad for making it a special memory for Ava and me!

Sorry Becca!

Well I think Becca new this would be coming, but still hope she doesn't kill me for it next time I see her. Here is just a small taste of the craziness that takes place when Becca and I spend some time together. I can revert back to the age of 15 pretty quickly. Maybe you just had to be there to understand how funny this was. But my favorite part of the video is how hard I am cracking up. Is it strange that the sound of my own laugh can crack me up? Becca I love you!

Christmas 2004 and other thoughts........

I can't believe this is my fourth Christmas with Ava. I was talking to one of my friends in my ward on Saturday about how we couldn't believe Ava and I have been here for four years! It has literally flown by. I feel like I went to sleep one night with this tiny snuggly newborn and woke up with a talkative and very opinionated little girl. She has completely lost the baby look! Four year ago I was just here visiting after I had Ava. I knew then that I was supposed to come live her, but I was fighting it so hard. I didn't want to move here. I didn't want to admit that I needed to come here. It was a hard pill for me to swallow and I think that the day I drove out of Long Beach with a fully loaded U Haul following behind was one of the saddest days of my life. I think I cried for a good couple of hours. I was sad to admit that the dreams I had built there were never going to come true. I was thinking about the person I was four years ago today in church. I have been feeling a lot like that girl lately. Like I have lost a dream and that I don't want to take the time to dream a new one. But today I realized that I am not all the way back at square one. I have goals and ambitions I never planned I would have. I am a completely different person. I am feeling comfort in knowing that while I am an ordinary person I CAN do hard things. I have faced most of my biggest fears in life and I have survived to tell the story! Here are a few pictures from that first Christmas. I can't believe that I am posting them for you all to see cause I look like a cow, but hey, like I said a lot about me has changed!



Just one comment on this picture....... it seriously cracks me up every time I see it. I guess cause one day Katie and I stumbled upon it and laughed for so long because I look so "chubby". It make me laugh every time!

Language of Love.......

I have to admit that I am having a little trouble getting into the spirit of Christmas this year. I usually love Christmas, but I just can't seem to shake the black cloud that is hovering over my head lately. So today I just wanted to share a wonderful story about how my parents taught me the true meaning of Christmas. I used the story for a paper I had to write in my writing 1010 class this semester. We had to write about how we became literate in some area of life. I chose LOVE. This story is just one of many ways that I have learned the language of love.


When I was seven years old my parents carefully planned a way to teach me about thinking of the happiness of others before my own. To truly appreciate the lesson I learned, you should know something about me. As a small child I loved money. I knew all the places possible to find money in the house: under couch cushions, pockets of Dad’s dirty jeans, the top of the dryer, the top of my Mom’s dresser, and many other unimaginable places. Even though most of it was small pocket change, I just loved having money. I used to think that if I just had one hundred dollars, I would be rich.
Well it was Christmas time and Dad called a family meeting. It was a few days before our big traditional shopping trip and I had all ready been day dreaming of all the things I would love to buy, if I only had some money. My Dad gave everybody a hundred-dollar bill. He said we could do anything we wanted with it, and boy did I have plans! Then he looked at my mother and said he knew of a family that wasn’t going to have much for Christmas and that he would like to give his $100 to that family. Mom agreed with the idea and gave her money. My older sister, Katie, immediately gave her money without even giving it a second thought. But I just sat there and looked at that money and felt it in my hands. Everybody was looking at me, watching and waiting; my parents both knew that it would be a very difficult thing for me to give up the money. In that moment it felt like time just stood still. I can remember sitting there, on the end of my parents’ bed, thinking that my biggest dream had just come true and I was being asked to give it up. With eyes full of pleading desperation, I looked at my Mom and then at my Dad and asked if I could just keep $20. He said sure, I could do whatever I wanted with the money. After thinking it over for a time, I gave the entire hundred dollars.
My mother gathered the money together and sealed it in an envelope. I will never forget how exciting it was to drive slowly through the dark alley in front of the family’s house and turning off the headlights so we would not be detected. The porch light was on, the curtains were open and we could see into the house. My mom snuck up to the door and put the card on the mat, rang the doorbell, and ran. We sat with our hearts in our throats and waited for the door to open and for someone to pick up the envelope.
Since that Christmas twenty years ago I have had countless opportunities to give of myself to others. That year my parents began a tradition that is still carried out to this day. But the beauty of it is that we all do it now. My Mom, my Dad and my sister, along with their spouses and children carry on the tradition in their own way. And yes I continue the tradition. The gift is not the same every year, the receiver may be some one close to us or a complete stranger, but there is always a piece of a loving heart given. My daughter is only four but when the time is right I will find my own way to teach her the same lesson in selflessness that my parents taught me because I truly believe it is a silent language that everyone must posses to truly live a happy life.
I will never know how my hundred dollars made the family feel or how it affected their lives, but I have never forgotten the way I felt or the irreplaceable lesson I learned that night. I will never forget the looks of love and satisfaction my parents gave me when I gave up that precious money. For some people doing this would not have been hard, but it was one of the most difficult sacrifices I have ever made, and also the most gratifying. From this lesson I began to understand the importance of being unselfish, and the ways that it can influence my life and the lives of others. As I began to learn the strength of my actions I sought to shape them more carefully and look for ways to be more giving of myself. I am forever thankful to my parents for teaching me the true language of love and self sacrifice for when I learned that lesson I learned to truly understand who I am.

Just a week late........

I have totally been slacking with my blog! I wanted it to become an everyday habit and succeeded for a little while but kinda lost my groove when I went to Arizona to visit my Mom. But I did have Ava make this video on Thanksgiving and it is just so cute so enjoy!