For Becca......

Because I miss her and I know this will make her laugh. Love you Doobie

Lazy? I think not......

Women do not have to sacrifice personhood if they are mothers. They do not have to sacrifice motherhood in order to be persons. Liberation was meant to expand women's opportunities, not to limit them. The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering. -Elaine Heffner

I randomly came across this quote the other night and love it. This morning I was feeling lazy for having spent and hour and a half just cuddling on the couch with Ava. There are a ton of things I need to get done today, so I was feeling guilty for "wasting time". But then I remembered that my days of cuddling with her this way are becoming limited. I will be working again soon, she is growing so fast, she will be in school before I know it, and sadly enough she might out grow wanting to be held like that. So, I am going to take advantage of every opportunity to cuddle her, read books to her, play go fish with her, tuck her in at night, make all her meals, answer her questions, and tell her I love her with kisses on her cheeks, because soon enough she will out grow all of those things. I am going to enjoy being a mother, because it really is the best thing I will ever be and the best thing I could ever do with my life. It is a central part of my "personhood".

Five years ago......

The fact that it has been five years since I moved to good old Utah has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few weeks. It has become the way that I measure time. Like I have a life before five years ago and then the life I have now. I feel like things have almost come full circle with that huge, drastic, life changing move. I didn't have much of a plan, didn't know what would happen with my life, didn't have money or a job, didn't really even have a place to live that I could call "home". All I knew is that my life needed to change, and in a BIG way. And that is has. I can't even describe how excited I am about walking across that stage and getting my degree. I don't even know how I am going to do it without crying and making a fool of myself. It isn't even the happiness of graduating, but more the feeling that I am not a failure after all and that I have managed to beat the odds given to me in my situation. I also think it is cool that Ava will remember the event. It just makes it that much more special to me. It hasn't been the easiest road to travel, and I have definitely not done it alone, but seriously, looking back I have been the HAPPIEST I have ever been in my life. EVER. All though there have been hard days, and hard choices, and lots of hard work, it has all been worth it. The other night I was sitting in my apartment and looked around and thought, wow, who would have ever thought? I have been blessed beyond even my own comprehension. This single Mom thing has definitely been harder than I ever imagined it would be. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, but honestly I am comforted daily in knowing that things will keep working out if I do what I know is right and keep on keeping on. I can't believe Ava is growing up so fast. She doesn't even have any baby look left. She is so smart, well adjusted, out spoken, inquisitive, funny, loving, sassy, and the list can go on and on. But really, she never ceases to amaze me. She wants me to be a better person and I am a better person because I am her Mom. Life is truly good! Here's to the next five years...... can't wait to see where they take me :)

My week.....

My Dad and Nan gave me some money for Christmas. There was really nothing that I was really really wanting at the time so I decided to put the money aside and wait for something to come up. Well, I randomly came across a super cute leather chair on Overstock.com. It was on a pretty sale and I had a 10% off coupon so I bought it! I was so excited for it to come and it came way faster than I expected it to. I had to wrestle it out of the box (embarrassingly enough I even broke a sweat) and even managed to put the chair together all by myself. Brad and Sharon gave me a tool set for Christmas that came in quite handy too. I love the chair! Like seriously LOVE it. It just ties my living room together and just makes everything look so much better. It was exactly what I didn't know I've been wanting. Super Awesome! Thanks Dad and Nan :)


Ava got home Tuesday night. She was due in at 10:30pm but due to the crazy weather conditions in southern California she didn't get in until 12:00AM. That made for a very tired me and a very tired Ava. So tired in fact that I let her just crawl into be with me when we got home. I did make sure to tell Ava that sleeping with me would not be a daily thing, but for late nights and special occasions we could bend the rules ;) Ava got to spend tons of time with her cousins this week, which she loved. Katie and Ryan helped me out twice this week with watching Ava so I could go to New Beginnings on Wednesday night and then I have a class on Thursday nights (Katie and Ryan will be watching Ava every week while I got to school, for which I am VERY thankful for). Ava and I watched the kiddos on Friday after noon and then she got to go over again today while Katie and I had a girls lunch out to celebrate our good friends birthday. Ava had a rough day on Friday! She got huge scratch on her face, slammed her finger in the door and took off a good chunk of skin and then to end the day she ran into Savannah's bedroom door and now has a pretty good black eye. Poor girl :(


Friday night we went to my friend Lyndsy's for game night and I seriously had so much fun. I re-learned how to play a super fun card game, hand and foot. We also played a game called the game of things. It was so much fun and at one point I laughed so hard I peed my pants just a little! Don't judge, I have the smallest bladder of anyone you have ever met, hadn't gone to the bathroom in a record 2 hours and I have birthed a child. I also went to school and started my internship, more to come on that later! '
Whew I am tired. Ava snapped this picture of me tonight....

As of late.......

Just a few big and small things that have been going on in my world lately.....

Ava is now sleeping in her own bed! Yes, she is five, what can I say? I haven't really minded sharing my bed with her, but alas I was ready to take my space back. People have given me the business about letting her sleep with me for so long, but whatever. I'm the Mom and I can do things the way I want, so there.

Ava took her second solo flight to Cali last night. I always look forward to my "break" but then I always end up missing her with in half a day or so. There is a perfect song lyric that sums up how I feel when she is gone.... Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

I started my last semester!!!! It is going to be a breeze. Let's hope finding a job is just has breezy.

I spent some of my Christmas $$ this week and sometime in the next 6 weeks an awesome black leather chair will find a new home in my living room.

I went to a bar tonight to see a comedy show with a friend and the strangest thing happened. I felt some what out of place. Never would have thought that would happen to me, but it did. Strange.

I am back on Weight Watchers due to 20 pounds mysteriously taking up residence on my body over the last 6 months. Not cool. In fact this chubbiness is making me crabby, so I am declaring war on it.

My wii fit age is 45. Ummmm..... pathetic. I am living in a body that is so out of shape that according to the wii I all ready know physically what it feels like to be 45. The sad thing is is that I am missing out on the knowledge of knowing what it feels like to live in the body of a 28 year old. This must change.

I moved to Utah 5 years ago as of this month. I can't believe it has been so long. I didn't have much of plan when I moved. I just new that my life needed a drastic change so I jumped off the cliff....... There really are no adequate words to describe the miracles that have been taking place in my life since taking that giant leap of faith.

The last month I have grown a new appreciation of unanswered prayers. Mostly thankful to have peace of mind that things have worked out just as they should have. Unanswered prayers are definitely gifts from God, but really, in my eyes, the greatest gift he gives us is the feeling of peace after the storm calms and all is silent. The moment when in your own way you come to know that all is well and as it should be. Peace and acceptance are the real gift.

It was two years ago that I quit my job as an assistant general manager at Jamb Juice. Wow, time flies.

When Ava was walking into preschool one day last week she stopped to wave and blow me a kiss. My heart ached a little knowing that all too soon I will be back to working full time and missing those small moments with her that I love so much. The last two years of being the closest to a stay at home mother as I will ever come have been a precious and irreplaceable gift to me. I will cherish them always.

I read this quote on a blog I read everyday and think that it pretty much sums up a lot of what I have been thinking lately........

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." Enough said.

What is Christmas?

Christmas is the holiday we celebrate from December 1st- December 25th.
Christmas is going to the Christmas tree lot with Brad and Sharon to pick out the "perfect tree" and then decorating it
Christmas is listening to the Oak Ridge Boys and Kenny and Dolly Christmas CD's non-stop
Christmas is going to temple square to marvel at the beauty of the temple grounds covered in lights and making memories with the beautiful young women I love so much

Christmas is finishing finals, then breathing a huge sigh of relief
Christmas is shopping, and feeling excited about finding "the perfect" gift for the ones you love
Christmas is making temple pictures with Katie and discovering my mad staple gun skills
Christmas is shoveling snow
Christmas is taking Ava to see Santa Clause and seeing the excitement in her eyes while she talks to "the fat man"
Christmas is Katie doing 80% of my present wrapping :)
Christmas is finally getting ALL my decorations up the week before the actual day
Christmas is opening presents, breakfast for dinner and of course an Aggie game with my Dad and Nan

Christmas is taking Ava to see Princess and the Frog, twice
Christmas is Ava singing "redolph" and telling me and Sharon not to bust up
Christmas is the Young Women doing the 12 days of Christmas for me
Christmas is eating and eating and then eating some more.... the orange rolls were definitely a high light
Christmas is planning menus
Christmas is driving through town to see all the beautiful lights
Christmas is driving to Logan in a crazy snow storm, seeing my grandpa, cousins, aunts and uncles, missing my Grandma, and getting stuck in Logan due to crazy snow storm
Christmas is drinking hot chocolate
Christmas is Luka eating so much candy that he puked and then immediately going right for the box of See's chocolates

Christmas is making sugar cookies for the kids to decorate and for the big girls to eat :)
Christmas is playing Trains and What Where You Thinking
Christmas is trying to guess who the alien in the room is
Christmas is seeing my cute Grandpa Harris three times, oh how I love that man
Christmas is talking to Tricia for hours at a time
Christmas is hot peppermint baths, warm fuzzy socks and my sexy gray bathrobe
Christmas is getting to see Becca freak out about her hair not being straight enough
Christmas is spending tons of time with my sisters
Christmas is getting a magic key for Santa
Christmas is the kids acting out the nativity and then sharing their talents with everyone
Christmas is leaving cookies and milk out for Santa
Christmas is a new camera, UGGS, cash, the opportunity to make a memory with Ava in 2010, new books, cold stone cards, new dishes, the cutest new watch, a Jewelry Tree.... and more!
Christmas is discovering that I need a massaging eye mask

Christmas is a new scooter, games, art supplies, a new doll bed, a piano and lessons, play doh, doll clothes, new movies, books, new clothes, barbie and hot air balloon carriage....

Christmas is getting to spend the holiday with my Mom for the first time in six years
Christmas is Ava telling Brad to "turn on his engine and get over here"
Christmas is Brad and Ava being..... well, Brad and Ava
Christmas is Ava declaring her favorite Christmas song Hard Candy Christmas by Dolly Parton
Christmas is giving and receiving
Christmas is seeing the sparkle of excitement and magic in Ava's eyes
Christmas is strengthening our relationships with the people we love most in the world
Christmas is growing in my appreciation for my Savior Jesus Christ, his birth, his life, his example,and his unconditional love.

I am thankful for all that i have been blessed with. Christmas was busy, fun, and practically perfect in every way.

invisible woman

My mom sent this to me and I really loved the message. So..... In admiration to all of the things you build when no one is looking..... because God sees.

Tis' the Season......

Ava and Santa Clause. Isn't that giant smile priceless?
You are never too old to believe in Santa. I love Ava's big smile in this one too!
And just for kicks...... Four years makes a pretty big difference! Ava definitely didn't smile at all the first time she sat on Santa's lap :)
I can't believe it is Christmas already! It seemed to take forever to come around when I was growing up, but I feel like all I did was blink. I love this time of year and the excuse it gives me to reflect on what is most important in my life. I love getting together with friends and family. I love the smells that come with Christmas and the FOOD and TREATS I get to eat. I love the music that comes with Christmas and I love hearing Ava sing her version of Christmas music. I love the memories I have from my childhood during this time of the year. I can only hope to create that magical feeling that is most prominent during the Christmas season. I hope to be able to teach her the TRUE meaning of Christmas and help her learn how to identify the special feeling she will feel in her heart by sharing the true meaning of Christmas with others.
Last night Ava and I ventured out with the Robinson crew to visit Santa, or the fat man, as Katie calls him. It was so much fun! I love seeing the kids eyes sparkle when they see Santa and get to talk to him for just a few short minutes. I even sat on his lap this year! Savannah looked over and said "Julie's sitting on Santa's lap!" It was pretty cute. Ava asked for a scooter. This is much better than the tiny tiny reindeer she asked for last year.

Did you Know?

I have some serious natural curl in my hair. I didn't even know just how CURLY it is! I got my hair done last week and while blowing my hair dry my stylist commented on the beautiful big curls in my hair. I have spent my whole life fighting the curl and frizz that lives on top of my head. I went back today to get the bottom color of my hair darker and she suggested we fix it curly. I went along with it thinking it might be a good day to embrace natural beauty. WOW! It was so curly, and a little frizzier than I like, but still pretty cute.....

And of course all this little guy want for Christmas is his auntie! Can you blame him?

Ava's Birthday.....

I am behind! Ava had such a great birthday. The night before her big day I decorated the house so it would be nice and festive when she woke up. I bought 30 balloons (thanks to Sharon for hiding them at her house and delivering them to me), and made the cutest cut outs of number 5's, covered them in green and purple glitter and then hung them from the ceiling. Ava wanted everything Tinkerbell and that's what she got. I think she was pretty happy with the way her special day turned out. I just keep asking myself how it is possible that my baby is 5. I wish I could rewind the time and cuddle her as a new born again, but I guess I will just go cuddle my 5 year old. She is an expert in the cuddle department, but she learned form the best :)

Giving Thanks.....

I have been thinking about making a gratitude list all month, so here it goes........

1. My testimony of The Gospel of Jesus Christ - My testimony has really undergone some remodeling this past year, but I am so thankful to have it! It is the most important thing that I will ever have. It gives me the strength to find the silver lining of even the darkest cloud. I feel so lucky to know that I am a daughter of God and that he loves me no matter what.
2. My Ava - I can't believe that I have been a Mom for 5 years. It has gone by so fast and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. BUT, even though it has been the most challenging thing I have ever done, it has brought me more JOY than I ever could have imagined. She is my compass and I love her more than I could ever express.
3. My family -I have been so blessed with two of the most amazing parents who have taught me some very valuable lesson, and two beautiful sisters who make my life fun.
4. My niece and nephews. They are special gifts in my life and I love them oh so very much. They are all so different and some of my biggest blessings.
5. Sharon and Brad - I don't know how I would make it with out them as part of my family. They have truly been gifts from God to me and have contributed greatly to the person I am today. They have made what could have been some very lonely times in my life some of the happiest memories I will have.
6. A warm safe place to live. Food to eat and clothes to wear.
7. Good Friends

My life is so blessed I could never make a sufficient list. Happy Thanksgiving!!

Mr Luka.....

Luka has always held such a special place in my heart. I just love this little guy so much. At one of Savannah's soccer games he found a diet coke in my purse. Of course I opened it right up and shared. I feel exactly this way when I drink a diet cherry coke! Happy Birthday Buddy!!!

She's 5!!!!!

Can you believe my "baby" is 5? I can't..... in some ways it feels like she was just born and other days it really does feel like another life time ago. But I guess you could say it was a whole different life 5 years ago than it is today. My big sis Katie took these adorable pictures of Ava for me this morning. I LOVE them.....






Ava is a vibrant 5 year old. She is always bursting with energy and excitement. Right now she is really into playing with her dolls and insists on taking them practically everywhere with us. She is also really into Tinker Bell and want everything to be like "Tinker". She loves the movie Marley and Me and watched it several times a week. I don't think I have seen the movie from start to finish but I have the whole thing basically memorized. Maybe one of these days I will sit down and actually watch it with her. She has developed quite the sassy mouth in the last few weeks. I am hoping she overcomes this VERY soon! I am thankful for Ava and for the joy she has brought into my life. I had no idea what I was getting into, but I could never have imagined our life would unfold in the way that it has in the past five years. I love you Ava!

My faith has been increased...... yet again.

I had a scary moment tonight. The kind that made my heart stop beating for a minute. In my house I have a a fairly large shelf that hangs on the wall and then below it is the table I have with my TV on it. It is a good sized table and in the last few weeks Ava has developed the obsession with climbing on top of it and turning on the spot lights inside the shelf. I have told her time and time again NOT TO CLIMB UP THERE! Well this evening I was sitting in the kitchen working on an assignment for school and heard several large crashes in the next room. I ran in there to find Ava buried under the shelf and my TV. She had climbed up to turn on those stupid lights again and some how managed to pull all of it down on top of her. I was expecting the worst as I started pulling it off of her, but to my complete amazement she didn't have a scratch on her. Not a single injury. She was shaken up to say the least. Even more to my amazement nothing was broken. The table my TV lives on took a few bumps and scratches and my DVD player has a big dent in the top of it, but that's all. I am so thankful nothing worse happened. We truly have angels watching over us!
To give you an idea of the size of the shelf here is a picture of it, it doesn't quite have the whole thing in it, but you can get the idea.

Loving

This song. The video isn't much, but just listen. I am loving it right now!

Funny Story!

So, I have rejoined LDS singles online.... that is a whole different saga of my life. I guess if anything it provides me with entertaining stories to tell. So today I was online and this guy initiated a conversation with me. I checked out his profile and decided I wasn't really that into him so I replied a simple "thanks but no thanks". I have come to use this phrase often. It just gets to the point in a polite way. After I said that I just closed the chat window. He then responded "Nice, just close out the window. You weren't that cute anyway, fatty!" I seriously busted up!!!!! I guess I found it so funny because he must not have thought I was too fat to say hello to. I guess I gained a few instant pounds when I decided not to be interested in him. Oh the joys of dating! Especially online where people can be extra bold with out any real accountability for the words.

Zipline right next to volcano Arenal

On Tuesady morning we got up bright and early to begin our adventure at the Arenal Volcano. It is one of the most active volcanos in the world. I was hoping to see some red lava but the very top of the volcano was covered by a cloud all day. We asked one of the locals where the best place to do a zipline was and he gave us directions to one right next to Arenal national park. We got a little lost because he told us to turn by the police station. We were looking for some kind of building but it turns out that police stations look more like bus stops around here. Once we got on the right road it was unpaved, very rocky and littered with gian potholes. We drove for about 5 miles on the this road praying the whole time not to pop any of our tires. We finally arrived and boy was it worth it! We took a sky tram up this mountain right next to the volcano and did 7 ziplines all the way back down. The ziplines took us across this jungle covered valley between to mountains and we could see the lake off to oneside. It was AWESOME!! Our guides were so much fun. They took a ton of pictures for us and even a video. It rained part of the time and we were soaking wet, but it was still a blast!
The veiw behinde us going up the tram

Sharon and I on the sky tram with Lake Arenal behinde us. It was a beautiful.

We got a little fruity drink after the sky tram ride up to the ziplines.... The volcano is behinde us. The top was always covered by a cloud. I was very sad :(

Check out those giant gloves.....

Getting ready for take off. I am suck a dork

And there I go ......

Coming in......

Me with giant beetle and crazy hair...
Sharon and I with our awesome zipline crew Marcos and Delroy