A Fun Visit

I flew out to California to deliver Ava to Carlos for the holidays. I had a few hours before my flight headed back to Utah so my dear friend Tricia and her baby came to visit with me. I had never seen Lola yet, so it was an extra special treat to see both of them. I just love Tricia and have missed her so much since I move to Utah. It was fun to spend a few hours with them!

My Wish

All right I now that this may be a little over the top but their is a popular song out right now by Rascal Flats called My Wish and I love it. It is so right on the money for the way we want things to work out in life for our children, friends, family and even ourselves. As today is Ava's birthday I wanted to share the lyrics because they express all most perfectly what My Wish is for her!

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if your faced with a choice and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
And if its cold outside show the world the warmth of you smile

(chorus)
But more than anything, more than anything,
my wish for you is that this life becomes all the you want it to,
that your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, that you never
need to carry more than you can hold, and while your out there getting where your getting to, I hope you know that somebody loves you, and wants the same things to,
yeah this, is my wish

I hope you never look back, but you never look back,
all the ones who love you, and the place you left,
I hope you all ways forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
oh, you finds Gods grace in every mistake,
and you always give more than you take

(chorus)

I know this might be a little silly, but for some reason this song seems to move me, I really love!

Ava

Here are a few of my favorite pictures that I just got taken of Ava. They definitely show her cute personality!

What's New?

It seems likes Ava's birthday is kinda how I gauge time in my life. Since she is turning two next week and we celebrated her birthday this past week, I have been reflecting on how my life has changed over the past year and even over the past two years. Here are a few changes:

Change in the last year
1. My JOB! Whether this is good or bad at this point I can't really say today. There have been so many pluses to my new job, but it has been really stressful for me lately. I have been working between 55-60 hours a week, and it is wearing on Ava and I. The good news is I will probably be hiring a few people this week. Yeah!

2. My hair. It is longer and darker! Actually it is the longest it has been since I was 12.

3. I have gained 25 pounds. AHHHHH, what happened?

4. Ava, she is blossoming by the second! I can't believe how much a kid changes in just one year. It is amazing. There are days when I wish she was this little cuddly new born again, but I do love the person she is becoming. She has the funnest personality! She keeps me on my toes, and I don't know how I was ever even a little bit happy with out her.

Changes in the last two years

1. My area code. Ava was born in Cali and we now live in good old Utah. Definitely a good change. I have been so happy since making this change. I LOVE living near family!

2. I am now active in the church, and I am the Mai Maid advisor. What? Can you imagine me trying to teach 14 and 15 year olds. This seriously scares the crap out of me. Definitely very humbling.

3. The change from being a single 20 something to a being a single mother. Talk about identity crisis. But I have recovered and I am actually learning who I really am. Its weird how that happens. You lose yourself in someone else to find out who you are. Sounds backwards but it is how it really happens.

4. The strengthening of family ties. I think that I have reconnected with members of my family. Katie and I have become closer than ever. I don't know that I could have made it through the last two years without her. She has definitely been one of my biggest supporters and examples through all of these changes. Thanks Katie!

Happy Birthday, Early!

Ava's second birthday is next friday on the 17th, but she will be celebrating at her Dad's this year, so we are celebrating together today. I can't believe that it has been two years all ready!!! Time sure does fly by. Ava was born on a Wednesday morning after 22 hours of labor. I have never seen a baby with such a cone head, but she was still beautiful. I remember when the nurse brought her in later that morning after I had gotten some rest being timid to unwrap her, and then when I finally did I saw these beautiful little dainty fingers. She has the pretties long fingers! I fell in love with instantly. I think that the only love that is at first sight is between parents and their children. She was a great baby and is turning out to be a good toddler too! She is really into coloring, having her finger and toenails painted, books, her babies, necklaces and bracelets, and putting on lipstick. I could have never imagined that she would make my life so wonderful. I am so lucky to have her and I thank the heavens for her everyday!

A cute picture

Most of you have probably all ready seen this picture of Ava on Katie's blog, but it was just too cute to not post on my own blog. I swear that Ava just seems to get cuter and cuter with every passing day. She is starting to talk a ton! I can't believe some of the concepts that she is starting to grasp. Carly said that when she said "Mommy work, later". It makes me feel better to know that she knows where I am during the day and that I will be home later. She wasn't very cooperative during her picture shoot, but I think we got a few cute ones.!

Circus

We went to the circus on Saturday night. Ava had such a good time. She really got into it trying to clap at all the right times, dancing, and awwing when she saw something that really intrigued her. It was so much fun to watch her reaction to all the stuff that was going on. It is so fun getting to watch her experience things for the first time. She is just so dang cute!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Katie!!! I had so much fun with you this weekend. I truly cheris all the fun things that we do together. What did we ever do with our time when we lived apart??? Your life must have been pretty boring with out me around to spice things up! lol. Anyway, I love you so much and have looked up to you our whole lives. Thank you for all the love and kindness that you show to me and Ava.

I spent too many years believing that choices a made only affected my life. Boy was I wrong!! I have learned that what we may think are small insignificant things, really make a difference in the lives of people around us. I think that the biggest thing that we can do to positively affect the poeple that we come into contact with is to treat everyone the way Christ would. We tend to lose sight of this in our daily lives, but I am sure that if we keep it on our minds all the time that our lives will be blessed. Sometimes we are faced with situations where this may change the life of even one precious soul. I was talking with some women that I work with. They told me about some events where the actions of people adversly affected there lives and led them to make decisions that will affect their eternal lives. Yes, I know that we all make our own choices and that they ulitmately chose to make the decisions that they made, but I strongly believe that had certain individuals had taken the time to really care about them, the our Father in Heaven cares about them, they could have helped ease the burden of the trails they were facing. I am so blessed that my situation hasn't been similar. When I was dealing with consequences of poor decision in my own life my family and friends embraced me, and said what is yours is mine and we will bare it together. It is my prayer that the next time any of us is faced with a situation where someone is going through something in there lives, regardless of wether or not it is in accordance with our beliefs that we will help them and love them unconditionaly! Remeber, you have the opportunity to affect eternity everyday!

Special Friends

When making the decisions I had to make when Ava was born one of the factors in deciding to move to Utah was the desire for Ava to grow up with family close by. I love that she gets to spend so much time with her cousins. I think that Ava, Cooper and Savannah may feel a little more like siblings than cousins because they spend so much time together. Ava and Cooper have the cutes friendship! When Ava and I arrive Cooper always runs up yelling "Aya" and the embrace in the cutes little hug. They are best friends and sometimes enemies. Cooper likes to tease and Ava hasn't quite learned how to tease back. Today they got into mischief today and emptied Savannahs piggy bank. Katie said when she walked into the room they were throwing the money into the hair. It was seriously everywhere! I hope that there friendship will continue to grow throughout the years and that they will help strengthen each other in making right choices. I love Cooper and I am so glad that her is part of my life and Ava's too!

A Big Change!

I have to admit that I have kinda been in a funk lately. I have seriously the most exciting change happening this week and I haven't even felt like sharing. Maybe because while really excited I am terrified! I am starting a new job on Wednesday. I am going to be an assistant manager at Einstein Brothers Bagel. This is a huge blessing in my life and an answer to many prayers. It is the next step in finally having the career I want, the career I have wanted for years. My schedule has potential to be perfect. Yes, I am going to be working 50 hours a week, but being home at 2 in the afternoon will give me more time with Ava. I know that I CAN do the job. I was meant to do this job. I know there will be a lot of adjusting, but there is in anything. I am finally ready to fully welcome the change and face it head on. I feel like it is the first day of school all over again. I have butterflies in my stomach and a new outfit. Wish me luck!

Dinner

Okay, most of you who know me well know that I NEVER cook. I think that I have maybe cooked at the most 5 dinners in the last year. Well, my goal is to cook a dinner at least once a week. I found a website that has lots of yummy recipes. I tried home made macaroni and cheese last night. It turned out really good. Cooking isn't that tough, it just isn't something that I have really taken interest in until now. If anyone is interested in checking out the website it is : cooks.com. Katie and I also made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with cream cheese frosting after dinner. They we delicious!

A Fun Day, and a Good Recipe

We had such a fun day! We went to the fountains at Gateway. Ava had such great day running around and seeing all her cute friends. She wasn't afraid to walk around where the fountains are but wasn't too crazy up them coming up right were she was standing. I just love her hot pink bikini. She just looks so dang cute in it! She was playing a water ball and decided to stick it inside her top. I got a pretty good laugh out of this and I swear I didn't teach her to do it ;) Later this afternoon I decided to make Cookie Monster cookies. They are my favorite homemade cookies, how could they not be with p-nut butter, oatmeal, chocolate chips, and M&M's. They are just too good. Here is the recipe

9 cups quick cooking oatmeal
2 lbs. smooth peanut butter
6 eggs
3 sticks of butter
4 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
12 oz. bag of M&M's
1 small bag chocolate chips
1 lb. brown sugar
2 cups granulated sugar

Mix all igredients together. Drop by teaspoonful onto ungreased cookie sheet. Bake in 375 degree oven for 10 minutes or util golden brown.
I would recommend cutting the recipe in half, cause it seriously make a million cookies!

A Few Thoughts

1. I am very happy to say that Ava returned home this morning safe and sound. I could here her yelling mommy as she and Carlos were walking towards me. She gave me a huge hug and said "I miss you!" It made my day. She was very excited to arrive and Katies and dived right into the usual play time. I have posted some cute pictures of Savannah reading "The noisy breakfast" to Ava.

2. I saw a very amusing bumper sticker last week. It read "Are you following Jesus this closley?" It made me laugh a little since while driving early that day someone had been following so closely behinde me it just made me drive slower. I hate it when people drive so close behinde me. Do they really think they are really going to get there faster?

3. Someone came in to work on Friday and ordered a Power Peanut Butter M'ood with a burner boost. Serioulsy, why order a drink with about 1200 calories and then bother with a burner boost? Do they really think it will help? People can be so odd at times.

4. I finishe two books while Ava was away and finally got started on the sixth Harry Potter book. Hopefully it won't take me weeks to read it!

5. And last some wisdon from Maya Angelou that has really made me think today, "I have learned the making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". It kinda made me feal better about the way things are going for me right now. I may not be makeing a huge living, but I feel that I doing a good job of making a "life" for myself and Ava.

Logan Trip Pictures

I posted about our weekend trip to my Dad's awhile back, but he emailed me some cute pictures so I just wanted to post them. Ava had so much fun jumping to my Grandma off that little stool!

Some cute pictures

I just wanted to post a few cute pictures that Katie has taken of Ava. I am so lucky to have Katie watch Ava for me on Saturdays while I am at work. It is such a blessing for me the way that my baby sitting schedule has worked out. I never have to worry about her while I am at work. For those of you who don't know I trade babysitting with my cousin Kori twice a week, Carly watches her on Friday and Katie takes Saturday. I know she is loved at all three places, and that she loves all three of the peole who care for her.

I'm back!

Well, I'm back. Sorry it have been so long since I have posted anything. My laziness has seriously got the best of me lately. I will try and give a sufficient update. I am so excited that summer is finally here!!! I am a summer girl at heart. We have a season pass to cherry hill this summer and we kicked off the summer with our first visit last week. I plan on spending at least every Monday there. Ava was a little timid of the water at first, but by the end of the day was feeling pretty at home splashing around and sticking her hands in some of the fountains. We also went to Red Butte Gardens on Wednesday. I am so excited for our Wednesday "field trips" this summer. Ava had a great time getting soaked in all the fountains. She is definitely a water baby like I was. Feeding the ducks and fish was also a highlight for her. We will definitely have to take a trip to Liberty Park one night to feed the ducks. It is amazing to me how the smallest things are so exciting to her. She is visiting her Dad in California this week, so things will be quite around my place. I plan on getting a few books read and some much needed cleaning.

A few days at Katies

I have been staying at Katie's with her kids since Monday. They were lucky to take a trip to Miami for a week. I have to say that I am totally jealous and that I can't wait until my next vacation. Wow, three kids are a lot of work. If I thought even for a moment that I have my hands full with Ava, I was wrong, I've got it pretty easy. I also had Grant during the day on Monday and today too. I am proud to say that I pulled it off, without too many hitches. Bed times and nights proved interesting, but hey who needs sleep? Bath time was really wet, but everyone had fun and there were no tears. Katie was smart enough to leave me pre-made dinners that I just had to warm up. She knows that cooking is not my specialty. I CAN do it, it just takes work. I even managed to keep up on dishes and the house isn't completely a mess.
I love Cooper and Savannah so much, they are great kids. I am so lucky to have had the past few days to spend one on one time with them. I am so glad that Ava and her cousins are such cute friends. It is so cute to see Cooper and Ava be so excited to wake up together (we all spent the last few hours of the night together, not the most comfortable for me). I am so thankful that Ava has kids to grow up with. I have to admit that I am looking forward to my night alone, with no kids. Ava is going to her Dads until Saturday night, so I am off the hook for a few days. I am definitely getting a pedicure and I am thinking a movie might be fun.

Day off, or was it?

I have been looking forward to having the day off today. Here is how my day went, you decide if it really was a day off. Wake up at 7:30, make Ava breakfast, then wash all the dishes. Dress Ava, put in the first load of laundry, play beauty parlor and fix Avas hair. Grant arrives at 9:45, I feed him, clean up, then get him dressed. Jenna arrives shortly after, put in another load of laundry. Jenna has an accident, so I clean that up and get her dressed. We all pile in the car and drive to Layton cause I left my makeup there yesterday (no I couldn't go one whole day without it). Get home clean both of my bathrooms, vacumm my room, change the sheets on both of our beds. Change the laundry again, fold and put everything away. Make lunch for four people, Jenna and Ava throw all there strawberries on the floor, so I clean all that up, then wash dishes again (I don't have a dishwasher). While Ava is napping I sweep and mop the kitchen and the hallway, change the laundry again, fold it and put it away. Cleaned up three barfs from Grant through out the day. Play ring around the rosie, read some books, do puzzles, sing popcorn popping and two rounds of three little monkeys jumping on the bed. All together I did six loads of laundry today. The sad thing about this is that I wasn't behinde on laundry and when I go to bed tonight there will still be dirty clothes in my house! My house is the cleanest it has been in months, which is sad to say. I just don't usually do everything in one day. I seriously tried to remember when the last day off I had when I didn't have to take care of any children, go to work or church or do anything at all. I can't remember. I am sure that this is not rare for a lot of people, but right now I just want a day to do anything I please. I miss those days when I could sleep in half the day the soak in the tub for hours, get a pedicure, go to dinner with friends, and not have a curfew. But, there is a wonderful part of my day. My mother is in town for the evening so we got to enjoy her company for dinner. It is so wonderful to see her play with her grand kids. They all completely adore her. Yes, I did not have to go to work today, but a mothers work is never done.

We went to Temple Square last night for family home evening. It was such a beautiful evening and the flowers were breath taking. There were tons of tulips! I can't believe how many different colors and variations there are! I think that has been my favorite part of living here, everyone seems to have tulips growing in their yards. It was a so nice to be so close to the temple and hear Katie's kids talk about it. I think that I really needed the reminder of what my goal is lately. I find it really easy to lose sight of the big picture sometimes. I have been faced with some tough decisions lately that would put the goal of a temple marriage in jeopardy. It was nice to be there and realize that nothing is worth putting that on hold for me. I have worked really hard to make the changes that were so necessary to be temple worthy. I actually understand now what my mother meant when she says "don't worry about how or when you will meet Mr. Right, just worry about being the right girl". I get it now. I am so thankful that for the first time in along time I know what I want. I am so thankful that I am no longer the moose between the fence and highway any more. My coat gets shinier everyday and soon enough I just might grow a few antlers.

Yes, I know, I have been a blog slacker this week. There just doesn't seem to be much to say. But, here are a few things we have been up to. Becca was her over the weekend. It was so great to spend time with her. Ava and I went to Logan on Friday night and stayed over until Saturday afternoon. I got my hair done. I haven't had it done since October so it was quite a treat. It makes all the difference to have a good cut and color. My cousin Mandy does it for me and she does a great job. Plus it is always so fun to see her an catch up! My dad and Becca watched Ava while I was at the salon. One of Ava's newest words is grandpa. She will actually let my Dad hold her lately and Monday while we were at Costco she bumped into and elderly man and then looked up and said "hi Grandpa". We all had a pretty good laugh. My Dad also took us to Juniper take out for lunch. MMMM my favorite place in all of Logan. After lunch we went to my Grandma's house. I love her so much and wish that I could spend more time with her. She is such an amazing woman! She had a great time playing with Ava. It is so wonderful to see how cute they are. I remember my Grandma playing with me the same way. She is getting up there in years and I know she doesn't feel well a lot of the time, but she is always so happy and upbeat. I really look up to her and admire her love of life.
Cooper turned two on Monday. Wow! I can't believe it has been two years. I wasn't able to be present for his birth, but I waited all day by the phone for updates and finally the wonderful news that our boy had made is arrival. He is such a wonderful part of our family. He is the Man in my life right now and is one of my favorite parts of the day. He is my greeter when I walk in the door at Katie's. He always runs in yelling "dewy" "Aya" it puts an instant smile on my face! He and Ava are such cute cousins and I am so glad that they get to grow up together and be good friends. I hope that they will always be close and that they will help each other through the tough times in life.
I have really been enjoying the beautiful weather these past few days. I am ready for summer! It has been fun to watch Ava play outside. She just walks around like she owns the world. She loves to carry around the baseballs and bat, dig in the dirt's and slide. I am so glad that Katie has a such a fun yard with all the toys a kid could wish for. I can't wait until it is warm enough for a trip to Cherry Hill! I am sure we will spend a ton of time there this summer, I can't wait to see if Ava loves the water as much as I do.

Tough stuff

I think that often times we don't talk about the things in life that we struggle with because it makes us vulnerable, but I think that acknowkledging our struggles sometimes makes them easier to deal with. As a parent you truly learn the meaning of unconditional love. In the final weeks before Ava was born I remember being terrified to have her come into my world. I knew that an undescribable change was going to take place in my life and in my heart. I knew that I loved her then, but I knew that once we actually met, face to face, that I would really love her. I knew that loving something that much would be wonderful but that it would bring with it pain, as all love does. We raise our kids to leave the nest and become successful adults. But I think that everytime we send our children out into the world our hearts break just a little. We want to protect them and nurture them forever. We don't want them to feel sadness or pain. If only we could keep them safe and all to ourselve forever. My turn to send my girl out into the world started when she was four months old. While I wasn't sending her to completely fend for herself, she was leaving me. Last Thursday I took Ava to the airport to visit her Dad. While I know that she is very loved there I still worry about her every second. Did she eat? How long was her nap? Is she happy today or grumpy? Did she go to sleep all right? Did she get enough hugs and kissed today? All the things that we worry about when it comes to the ones we love. Most of all I miss my companion. I miss our "pillow talk" in the morning and the way she puts her hand on my face in the night just to make sure she isn't alone in the bed. I miss hearing her say Mom and her cute little giggle. My world is just kinda empty. I knew that this would be one of the conditions of being her Mother, but that doesn't make it any easier. And even a year later it isn't any easier, and I don't think that it will ever be easy. If you are wondering if enjoy any of my down time, the answer is yes. It is nice to just be able to do whatever I want. But a day is nice, not week. I miss my baby :)

Little Slugger

The last few days we have spent a ton of time outside. The weather has just been perfect! Ava loves Coopers T-Ball set. She is always carring around one of the balls. Last night she was setting the ball on top and then, using all her concentration, she would ever so lightly tap the ball off the top. We would all cheer and she would smile so big. It was so cute!!! These are the small things that make being a parent the GREATEST!

Early Easter

We celebrated Easter a week early this year. Ava will be spending the holiday in California with her Cardoso family so we had to do it early this year. She had fun dying easter eggs and kept trying to "taste" the dye with the spoons that were in the cups. Her hands and arms were yellow and blue when we were done. The first thing she wanted out of her easter basket were her new binkis. Why on earth she would pick that over candy and a doll is beyond me especially because she already had one in her mouth. After unwrapping the new binkis she had to put all her candy in her new stroller and pushed it around all morning. She does the funniest things! After church and naps we went to Katies for an easter egg hunt. She actually got it and had fun putting the eggs in her basket. Cooper kept taking them out and putting them in his. She would get so mad but just stand there and cry not getting them back. She wasn't up for any pictures and cried in all of them. Kids definiely can't hide the way they feel. The best part of the day was dinner with hot rolls decked out with butter, honey and cool wip. Me and Katies favorite sunday treat.

My mother once told me that the best days of her life were when Katie and I were little girls. I can't help but wonder if the same will be true for me. The moments I spend with Ava are or so precious. I can't believe how quickly she is growing. She learns something new everyday and is becoming quite the little talker. My favorite new thing that she does is put her hands up and shrug saying "all gone". It is so cute, and you can tell she was just so proud of herself when she did it. I can't remember ever being happier in my life than I am right now. Yes, there are long days when I don't think I could possibly go on, but without these days I wouldn't appreciate those moments that are pure joy. Today, the cutest five year old girl came in to work with her mother. She was just so cute and full of questions for me. It made me realize how excited I am for the rest of my life. Every day brings some new laugh and realization. I am so grateful to be where I am and be doing what I am. I have posted some pictures that were taken about a year ago, but I just think they are so adorable and wanted everyone to get a good laugh. Ava is definitely a Jamba baby.

Bath Time

Well, its official Ava's favorite time of day is bath time. She has had three baths in the last 24 hours (this is not usual). She loves to play in the tub. She has her favorite tub toys and games that she plays. I love to just peak my head around the corner and watch her playing when she doesn't know that I am watching. She is just so dang cute, I can't help but smile. Tonight Ava Cooper and Savannah had a bath together. She especially loves nights when we stay "late" at Katie's so the kids can have their baths together. I am so glad that she is able to grow up with cousins who are close in age to her. While watching the kids play tonight Katie and remembered how we used to play in the tub together for hours. We would run the water forever and make potions in shower caps and leave them hanging on the fuacet. It was so much fun!!

Thanks!

It has been about 13 months since I made a huge and scary change in my life. This time a year ago I made the decision to move to Utah. After many many months of my family asking and prodding I finally took a step in the right directions. After spending about 8 weeks in Utah after Ava was born I knew that while I could raise her alone in California, I knew that I didn't want her to grow up without the surrounding of an awesome family. So we packed up a u-haul and hit the road ( and yes a cried a good part of the way). I have been reflecting this past month on how many wonderful events and even small miracles have taken place in my life. I have been so lucky to reconnect with so many of my family members. I spent a few months staying at my Moms house three nights a week (before she moved to phoenix). We had so much fun!! Rod set off for Arizona before the rest of the family, so Mom and me had a great opportunity to spend some really fun nights together. I just want to thank her for all she did for me through some of the most bitter sweet moments of my life. She came to my rescue when I needed to be rescued, and shared many happy and sad tears with me. For the first time in my life I really understand what a mothers love means!! I am lucky enough to live in an a great basement apartment that is perfect for Ava and me. It is just a block away from Katie's and we make the trip everyday. I don't get much done around my place cause my days off are spent at Katies. Ava loves it there! She has her favorite toys there and always goes straight for them. There are many nights when she cries when we leave! I am so glad that we have a home away from home. Thanks to Katie and Ryan for all there love and support. I don't know how I made it through my life without seeing the people I love most in the world everyday. It is so sad but we often take for granted the people in our lives who love us. I never really new how many people really truly loved me until they all came to my rescue. I just want to thank my mom and dad for all they have done for me. I know that it isn't always easy to support your children in the choices they make, but they have defininetly gone above and beyonde for me. I just want my family and friends who have given me there love and support to know that I am truly thankful and that I love you!

Disney on Ice

Ava and I were lucky enough to be able to go to Finding Nemo on ice this past Friday. I wasn't sure if she would be old enough to enjoy it, but to my surprise she had a great time! It was so much fun to see her look around when the lights dimmed and then her eyes just lit up when the music started and the character started skating around the ice. She was so cute and clapped when everyone clapped. I had a good time too. Ava had her first cotton candy and is like me and wouldn't stop asking for more.